Hometown Date Week has arrived! The air is crispier, the sun shinier and the roses rosier. It’s just like Christmas but with less traffic. This week Brad ventured to Washington, Maine, California and North Carolina to meet his pick of future in-laws.
Brad’s first stop was to Chantal’s hometown in Seattle, the northwestern most city in the contiguous US. Chantal brings Brad back to her house where he’s introduced her dog, Boca. Boca the dog is slightly bigger than a squirrel and more hyper than a second grader with ADD. Chantal is utterly in love with the little rascal and refers to Brad as “daddy” when Boca jumps in his lap. Brad, remember; the smaller the dog, the crazier the girl. (Yours truly and her 10 pound shih-tzu excluded.) After the petting zoo, Chantal takes Brad seven miles down the road to her parent’s estate where he meets her father Michael, her brother Conner, and her mother Billie-Jo. If “The Real Housewives” franchise ever makes it to Seattle, Billie-Jo is a must. From her lusciously botoxed lips and French pedicured toes to the way she swirled her glass of merlot, Billie-Jo gave us a sampling of Seattle’s finest cougar. After a family dinner, father Michael takes Brad down to his wine cellar for a tasting and a talk. Brad and Michael discover that both their grandfather’s were masons. They also bonded over the fact that they were self-made men and appreciated hard work and by the looks of the empty bottle, a nice, full-bodied red. Dad tells Brad that Chantal has been ready to settle down for a long time and he’d be proud to have him as a son-in-law.
From the northwestern most city to the northeastern most city, Brad meets Ashley in her small hometown of Madawaska, Maine. The quaint fishing town borders French Canada, so Ashley takes him to a local restaurant where they split an order of poutine, french fries smothered in cheese and topped with gravy. Sounds like something I would crave drunk. Or stoned. Or just hungry and totally sober. When the poutine arrives Brad exclaims that it looks better than sushi and digs in. Brad is from Texas after all, so I don’t think spicy catfish roll or tempura bass hardly count as sushi. In his defense cheesy, gravy fries probably did look better. After their snack, Ashley takes Brad home to meet her family and Brad feels like he instantly fits in. They dine on fresh Maine lobster, throw back a few beers, and seem to have genuinely good time. After dinner, Ashley’s father takes Brad into the garage and lets him know that his daughter is very driven and plans to finish dental school and starting a family so soon may scare her. Rattled by what he’s hearing, Brad starts to worry that proposing to Ashley may hold her back. But his chat with older sister Chrystie calms him down. Chrystie (yes, that’s how they spell it in Maine) tells Brad that Ashley is ready to start her life and now is the perfect time for her to fall in love.
Next Brad flies across the country to Chico, California for his hometown date with Shawntel. He meets her at her family-run funeral home and mausoleum. After an awkward embrace, Shawntel shows Brad around the family business. They first tour the crematory where they usually cremate three bodies a day. Next she takes him to the embalming room and shows him all her prep tools. By the looks of the color draining from his face, I think she lost Brad, and her next rose, at “aneurysm hooks.” After a fun-filled day at the funeral parlor, they head over to Shawntel’s house to meet her family; parents Colleen and Rick and her two sisters, Destiny and Vanessa. Rick has been in the funeral business for 40 years and plans for Shawntel to take over once he retires. Brad, who told us earlier that he “doesn’t do well with death,” starts to worry about his future with Shawntel and if they move to Texas, would he be taking her away from her family. Shawntel tells her dad that she’s in love with Brad and if he proposes, things will work it.
To round out Brad’s travels across the US, he meets up with Emily in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Emily and her five year old daughter Ricki greet Brad in the park for a picnic. Little Ricki splendidly played the part of “shy” like she was up for an Academy Award. I’m not totally convinced that the child even had a face; she kept it so hidden in her mother’s bosom. Little Ricki came to a life just a tad when Brad handed her a present; a butterfly kite. She would barely look at him after that. Clearly, someone was hoping for an iPad. After their picnic, Emily takes Brad back to her house where the three of them play Candyland and draw pictures. Single moms on “The Bachelor” are such a buzzkill! Where was the wine or champagne? This date even had me missing the hot tub! After little Ricki goes to bed, Emily is hoping for some steamy alone time with her man. Momma needs some sugar! But Brad couldn’t seem to get in the mood and makes an early exit leaving Emily disappointed.
At the rose ceremony Brad tells Chris Harrison how much it meant to him that he was welcomed in these women’s homes and treated so kindly by their families. But, there was one woman that he just didn’t feel the way he was hoping he would after hometown dating; and that was Shawntel. After offering roses to Ashley, Emily, and Chantal, Brad walks Shawntel downstairs and tells her, “I didn’t feel the way a man should feel when you told me ‘I love you.’” And as Shawntel boards the reject limo back to Chico she tells us, “I hope I meet someone like him. I liked being treated like a princess.” Shawntel, you listen here – that’s what this show does. It finds a somewhat attractive guy, puts product in his hair, shoves him in some Armani suits, plans extravagant dates, gives him access to any hot tub in the city of Los Angeles, and then gives him a bouquet of roses to hand out. It’s reality TV and Brad Womack isn’t reality. Reality is margaritas on Thursday nights, Chinese take-out and telling each other goodnight. Sure, a shopping spree in Vegas and a romantic dinner on the Anguillan beaches sound divine, but, not to sound like a Taylor Swift song lyric, it’s what you are able to give someone everyday that makes them really feel like a princess.
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