Week 5

Bachelor Brad took his broads abroad this week for a rumble in the Costa Rican jungle. Despite zip lining across the rain forest, repelling down waterfalls, and picnicking in caves, there was trouble brewing in paradise. Michelle put Brad’s patients to the test, Chantal’s emotions got the best of her, and the Wildcats beat the Vols. Wait, what? I meant to say that Brad decided not to give out a date rose.

Brad sets the women up in a cozy villa over looking a volcano. While the girls enjoy the gorgeous view, a date card arrives for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel, and Britt. Ashley can’t wait to get “down and dirty in the jungle” with Brad. Michelle, on the other hand is still appalled that Shawntel is still in the running and hopes she “gets attacked by monkeys” on their group date. I’ve always heard that group date eating monkeys are particularly dangerous in Costa Rica.

The daters go repelling down a waterfall in the rainforest. Most of the girls are excited to try something new and adventurous, but Jackie, the token acrophobic, is in a panic. Deathly afraid of heights, she cries and freaks out, but eventually repels down the waterfall. Now Brad could have really won us over and elected to repel with her to calm her fears and make her feel safe. But instead, Brad gets on our bad side and decides to go down with Michelle because they made a “pact” on their last date that if they ever went repelling again, they would repel together. As you know, those that repel together might get engaged on national television together.

After everyone made it safely down, they all relaxed around a hot spring. Brad wasted no time getting alone time with the ladies. He first had a chat with Jackie and told her how proud he was of her for conquering her fear of heights. Though gracious of his praises, Jackie was also miffed that he chose to repel with Michelle while she was one that really could have used his support. He next pulls Emily aside hoping for a moment’s reprieve. She tells him that she’s starting to like him, but tends to get scared and run when things get serious. That has Brad worried that he’s going to get hurt if he continues to fall for her. And then he meets with Michelle who questions why he’s kept any of the girls around. He sternly tells her that his decisions are his decisions and she has to trust that he’s making the right ones. Exasperated, Brad tells us that his evening with the ladies really didn’t go that well and he’s confused more than ever. So, he tells the women that he needs time to think about things tonight and packs up the date rose and heads back to his villa.

The next day he has a one-on-one date with Chantal. Last week Chantal was an emotional, dramatic mess. This week Brad hopes the fun and feisty Chantal makes a comeback. He picks her up via helicopter for an afternoon of zip lining across the Costa Rican rainforest. After gliding from tree top to tree top, Brad treats Chantal to a riverside picnic. Over glasses of wine, Brad tells Chantal that her emotions in Vegas scared him and hopes that he can see more of her confidant and spunky side. In response, Chantal tells Brad that she’s ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and that today’s date was perfect. And just as it did on their first date, rain began to fall from the sky as he offered her the date rose.

Alli was the next to lucky in Costa Rica as she has her first but the week’s final one-on-one date. Brad ditches the helicopter and picks Alli up on horseback and takes her caving. I’ll agree that most of the dates planned on “The Bachelor” seem pretty fabulous. From hot air balloon rides and private concerts to dinner cruises and shopping sprees, all the dates makes dinner and a movie sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But this particular cave date would have done me in. Brad hands Alli a lantern as they enter into the cave and the first thing Alli sees are bats clinging to the ceiling. Bats just look like rats with wings, and as someone who is neither a fan of wild rats or wild birds, being in pitch darkness with bats would not be the makings of a fun date. Alli yelps and squeals as the bats flap and flutter overhead. Brad tries to calm her by forging them through the cave to the picnic he has set up for them. Over dinner Alli tells Brad that the day’s events are not the usual for her, but it made for an exciting adventure. Then the two struggle to make small talk for the remainder of the meal. In hopes of getting some type conversation going, Brad asks Alli why her last relationship ended. Though she dated her ex for two years, she tells Brad that she just couldn’t picture him as her husband. He was a nice guy, but she just didn’t see him being “the one.” Brad quickly replies, “I know what you mean” and proceeds to giver her the you’re-not-receiving-the-date-rose-speech.

After saying good-bye to Alli, Brad retreats to his villa to relax and have some alone time. Just as he was getting settled for a night of women-free burping and crotch scratching, he gets a knock at the door. When bachelor’s get a knock it usually means one of three things:
A contestant has decided to pull an Ali and leave the show because their job at Facebook is on the line
Chris Harrison is at the door with hard liquor
One of the ladies is hoping for a late night bachelor snack

If you guessed three, you are correct. Brad opens to the door to find Michelle standing there ready to bad mouth the other girls. She lets him know that he made the right decision sending Alli home, but doesn’t feel Chantal is the right woman for him. She goes on to tell Brad she predicts that along with Ashley and Emily, she’ll be one of the last three standing. Brad doesn’t say much in response, but once he kisses her good-bye and walks her out, he tells us that he feels like he’s being pulled in a million directions and Michelle is the largest contributor to that. So, for you future bachelorettes out there, leave the late night door knocking to Chris Harrison and Jim Beam.

Brad arrives to the next night’s cocktail party and tells the women that he’s had a lot to sort out and has caught a lot of grief lately about how he’s handled his roses. With that being said, he seems to have an agenda for the evening so he can sort out his feelings. First, he meets with Emily and they talk about her vulnerability being a good thing and not a thing she should run from. Then he meets with Michelle and tells her she’s scaring him and she has to quit second guessing his rose-giving decisions. After a bout of tears, Michelle tells Brad that she knows she’s supposed to be here and she’s the woman for him. I don’t know what crystal meth ball she’s looking into, but I just don’t think she’s going to be the last ring finger standing.

Next he meets up with Shawntel for what was probably his favorite alone time encounter thus far. She tells him that she’s sick of talking about feelings and suggests they play the silent game which of course ends with a make-out session. So, future bachelorettes out there, silence is golden! Chantal, on the other hand, doesn’t know the secret about silence and spends her pre-rose ceremony alone time professing her love to Brad. She says their date changed how she feels about him and that she loves him and hopes to return to Costa Rica with their little bachelor babies one day. Good thing she already scored a date rose, because bachelors don’t always love baby talk…

Bachelor Brad decides to keep Ashley, Britt, Shawntel, Chantal, Michelle, and Emily which meant Jackie ended up in the reject limo. Next week Brad whisks the girls away to Anguilla for some summer lovin’ on the beach.