This year marks the centennial celebration of the founding of Taiwan. And to help celebrate this milestone, ABC sent The Bachelorette for a week of dating and skinny jean-wearing. Taiwan, what ever happened in the past 100 years that led up to this, I hope you learned your lesson and use the next 100 more wisely. We aren’t afraid to send you Charlie Sheen. Or Michele Bauchmann.
Constantine, a Josh Groban look alike, was the first bachelor to land a one-on-one date in Taiwan and Ashley took him on a train ride to a small village outside of Taipei called Ping-Shi. Ping-Shi hosts an annual lantern festival, so Ashley and Constantine wasted no time immersing themselves in the local culture and constructed a lantern. Traditionally, one would write wishes on the sides of the lantern, but because this is “The Bachelorette” and it’s required by law to have one gag-inducing moment per episode, Ashley thought it would be cute if they each wrote “love wishes” on the sides of their lantern. So, with words like “everlasting”, “family”, and “happiness,” their lantern was ready to be launched. But before they released their love wishes into the air, Ashley treated Constantine to a candlelit dinner and asked him about his family and the possibilities of a hometown date to Atlanta. Ashley tells him that she’s very attracted to him and loves that he’s a family man. Constantine thinks she’s a very genuine woman and hopes she’ll make the trek down south to meet all his sisters. Once the sun has set on their date, it’s time to light their lantern. The two stand draped in each others arms and gaze up into the air as their love wish lantern gently drifts towards the heavens. While they share their first kiss, the love wish lantern loses steam and ends up deflated in some puddle on the bad side of town. Wait, that’s what happened to me Saturday night. Nevermind. I’m sure their love lantern is resting on a puffy cloud and not hung-over reeking of vodka drinks and bad decisions.
The next day Ben, the other Josh Groban look alike, received the second one-on-one of the week. For this date Ashley planned a moped ride around the city then a romantic poolside dinner. Over dinner we learn that Ben has fallen for Ashley and feels very confident that he’ll be taking her home to Sonoma and introducing The Bachelorette to his family. Ashley tells Ben that of all the guys remaining, he’s the one that feels most like her boyfriend. He’s also the one that looks most like Josh Groban. Then the two spent the rest of the evening just lovingly gazing at one another, kind of like how your boyfriends looks at his iPhone. That is love.
Next up was the group date and what a miserable one it appeared to be. Ashley took Lucas, Ames, and JP on a wedding photo shoot. Apparently this particular episode of “The Bachelorette” was allowed two gag-inducing moments. Lucas had to dress in traditional Taiwanese wedding wear and pose with Ashley in a traditional Taiwanese wedding dress. JP lucked out and got a regular tuxedo and posed with Ashley while she donned a modern-day wedding gown. And I’m not really sure what the theme was for Ames’ photo shoot. He had to wear a powder blue tuxedo with a feathery pocket square while Ashley wore what looked to be a fairy costume. Needless to say, none of the guys enjoyed it and I was tempted to turn to “Swamp People.” And I have never been tempted to change to channel during “The Bachelor.” Not even the season with Byron Velvick. Go ahead, Google him.
The final one-on-one of the week went to Ryan, who has yet to have a one-on-one. Ashley meets Ryan for a picnic by a koi pond. Ashley confesses to us that she hasn’t felt romantic feelings for him but hopes this date will change that. As soon as they sit down to eat, Ryan talks about his job as a solar engineer and asks Ashley what she does to help the environment. When she can’t come up with an answer, Ryan launches into a diatribe on the wastefulness of water heaters. Ashley interrupts and tells him that she doesn’t see him in the romantic way she sees the other guys and decides to send him home before the evening’s rose ceremony. Ryan, I hope you haven’t gotten rid of your water heater yet, looks like it may be the only thing keeping you warm at night…
Later that evening at the rose ceremony Ashley tells Chris Harrison that she wants to skip the cocktail party because she has her mind made up on who she is sending home. Next week it looks like we’ll get to meet the families of Constantine, Ben, and Ames. With much regret we had to say goodbye to Lucas. He was one of my favorites, which of course means he’s way too good for her and should clearly date me instead.
Next week is Hometown Date Week! Next to March Madness, celebrating anyone’s 21st birthday, and Fourth of July, Hometown Date Week is my favorite time of the year!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Week 6 - "I can't believe I wasted so much time on Bentley"
You know it’s going to be a good night of television when an episode of “The Bachelorette” starts out with a knock on the door from Chris Harrison. A knock on Ashley’s hotel suite in Hong Kong during week five, a crucial time of the season, can only mean one of three things:
1. Poppa Harrison is stopping by to make sure she read the portion he highlighted in “He’s Just not That Into You”
2. He’s informing Ashley that Bentley has made a surprise return
3. Or he’s hand delivering the Double Stuffed Oreos and bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita Ashley requested. Or maybe that’s what I requested. Sometimes I get us mixed up…
If you guessed door number two, you are correct! Poppa Harrison pops in and bears the good news that Bentley agreed to fly out to Hong Kong for a chit-chat with our Bachelorette. Upon hearing that, Ashley bounds out the door and down the hall to room number 4315. (Note to self: Should I ever find myself staying in the Conrad Hotel in Hong Kong, remind me to specifically ask for any room other than 4315. Something tells me not even professional strength laundry detergent could get those sheets clean enough after a visit from Bentley.) I knew this wasn’t going to go well for Ashley when she had to knock on the door twice and on the third try you hear Bentley asking, “Who is it?” Once he finally decides to let her in, they have a seat and Ashley asks what he meant by leaving things between them with a “dot, dot, dot” instead of a “period”. He tells her she’s welcome to come out to Salt Lake City if it doesn’t work out with any of the guys on the show. But that isn’t the closure Ashley’s looking for. She flat out asks Bentley if he wants to put a “period” at the end. Surprise, surprise! He tells her that they should put a “period” at the end and hurries her out the door before the hookers and blow show up. Something tells me this wasn’t the first time Bentley was hoping for a period…
After that fiasco, Ashley has a one-on-one date with Lucas. She takes the sweet southern, Texan to downtown Hong Kong for a lightshow then a dinner cruise along the harbor. While dinner cruising, Lucas tells Ashley about his ex-wife and how devastating it was to realize their relationship wasn’t meant to be. Then he looks her in the eye and tells her, “But I feel very strongly that God has a plan for me.” Ashley tells him how genuine he is and decides to give him the date rose. God bless Texas!
The next day Ashley takes the two Josh Grobans, Ames, Mickey, Ryan and Blake on a dragon boat racing group date. She divides the guys into three teams then sends out onto the streets of Hong Kong to recruit other teammates. One of “The Bachelor” producers must’ve gotten sick this week and a producer from “The Amazing Race” was filling in. Despite language barriers and just plain awkwardness of the situation, all of the guys were able to round up enough rowers for the race. Beefcakes Ivey League Ames and Mickey win the race. No surprise there; I think most Ivey Leaguers come out of the womb already a crew member.
That evening at the after-race cocktail party, Ames sweeps Ashley up and away to the rooftop of the hotel for some alone time. After a make-out in the elevator, they gaze out at the Hong Kong skyline and into each other’s eyes. Next she talks with one of the Josh Grobans and he tells her, “I didn’t feel ready in the beginning, but I feel ready now.” But it’s Ryan who gets the date rose after they talk about the possibility of a hometown date and meeting each other’s families.
JP is next at bat for a one-on-one date. Ashley takes him to dinner at Zodiac Park where they drink red wine and talk about the future. Just when JP is getting smooth and ready to make a move, Ashley tells him about her visit with Bentley. She explains that she’s needed closure from him and now that she’s gotten it, she is ready to move on. A little shocked, JP appreciates her honestly and never wants her to be nervous to tell him anything. And that attitude earned him the date rose.
But the attitudes toward Bentley’s return at the next night’s rose ceremony weren’t all as calm as JP’s. Blake feels like he’s been played, the Josh Grobans wonder what she sees in them if Bentley is her type, and Mickey calls her a “liar” and decides to go home. After a tearful chat with Poppa Harrison, Ashley summons the courage to hand out the rest of the episode’s roses. Returning next week we have Ryan, Lucas, JP, both Josh Grobans, and Ames.
Usually I have a sixth sense when it comes to picking who will win the engagement ring on “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette.” But the season, I haven’t a clue. If I were Ashley, I’d be swooning over Lucas or Ames. But, she clearly has a thing for the Josh Grobans…so, right now my rose is on Ben F. Tune in next week for a trip to Tiawan and another surprise visit from a cast-off cutie!
1. Poppa Harrison is stopping by to make sure she read the portion he highlighted in “He’s Just not That Into You”
2. He’s informing Ashley that Bentley has made a surprise return
3. Or he’s hand delivering the Double Stuffed Oreos and bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita Ashley requested. Or maybe that’s what I requested. Sometimes I get us mixed up…
If you guessed door number two, you are correct! Poppa Harrison pops in and bears the good news that Bentley agreed to fly out to Hong Kong for a chit-chat with our Bachelorette. Upon hearing that, Ashley bounds out the door and down the hall to room number 4315. (Note to self: Should I ever find myself staying in the Conrad Hotel in Hong Kong, remind me to specifically ask for any room other than 4315. Something tells me not even professional strength laundry detergent could get those sheets clean enough after a visit from Bentley.) I knew this wasn’t going to go well for Ashley when she had to knock on the door twice and on the third try you hear Bentley asking, “Who is it?” Once he finally decides to let her in, they have a seat and Ashley asks what he meant by leaving things between them with a “dot, dot, dot” instead of a “period”. He tells her she’s welcome to come out to Salt Lake City if it doesn’t work out with any of the guys on the show. But that isn’t the closure Ashley’s looking for. She flat out asks Bentley if he wants to put a “period” at the end. Surprise, surprise! He tells her that they should put a “period” at the end and hurries her out the door before the hookers and blow show up. Something tells me this wasn’t the first time Bentley was hoping for a period…
After that fiasco, Ashley has a one-on-one date with Lucas. She takes the sweet southern, Texan to downtown Hong Kong for a lightshow then a dinner cruise along the harbor. While dinner cruising, Lucas tells Ashley about his ex-wife and how devastating it was to realize their relationship wasn’t meant to be. Then he looks her in the eye and tells her, “But I feel very strongly that God has a plan for me.” Ashley tells him how genuine he is and decides to give him the date rose. God bless Texas!
The next day Ashley takes the two Josh Grobans, Ames, Mickey, Ryan and Blake on a dragon boat racing group date. She divides the guys into three teams then sends out onto the streets of Hong Kong to recruit other teammates. One of “The Bachelor” producers must’ve gotten sick this week and a producer from “The Amazing Race” was filling in. Despite language barriers and just plain awkwardness of the situation, all of the guys were able to round up enough rowers for the race. Beefcakes Ivey League Ames and Mickey win the race. No surprise there; I think most Ivey Leaguers come out of the womb already a crew member.
That evening at the after-race cocktail party, Ames sweeps Ashley up and away to the rooftop of the hotel for some alone time. After a make-out in the elevator, they gaze out at the Hong Kong skyline and into each other’s eyes. Next she talks with one of the Josh Grobans and he tells her, “I didn’t feel ready in the beginning, but I feel ready now.” But it’s Ryan who gets the date rose after they talk about the possibility of a hometown date and meeting each other’s families.
JP is next at bat for a one-on-one date. Ashley takes him to dinner at Zodiac Park where they drink red wine and talk about the future. Just when JP is getting smooth and ready to make a move, Ashley tells him about her visit with Bentley. She explains that she’s needed closure from him and now that she’s gotten it, she is ready to move on. A little shocked, JP appreciates her honestly and never wants her to be nervous to tell him anything. And that attitude earned him the date rose.
But the attitudes toward Bentley’s return at the next night’s rose ceremony weren’t all as calm as JP’s. Blake feels like he’s been played, the Josh Grobans wonder what she sees in them if Bentley is her type, and Mickey calls her a “liar” and decides to go home. After a tearful chat with Poppa Harrison, Ashley summons the courage to hand out the rest of the episode’s roses. Returning next week we have Ryan, Lucas, JP, both Josh Grobans, and Ames.
Usually I have a sixth sense when it comes to picking who will win the engagement ring on “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette.” But the season, I haven’t a clue. If I were Ashley, I’d be swooning over Lucas or Ames. But, she clearly has a thing for the Josh Grobans…so, right now my rose is on Ben F. Tune in next week for a trip to Tiawan and another surprise visit from a cast-off cutie!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Week 5 - "Lets have a mental kiss."
This week’s episode really packed a punch. There was a boxing match, an ambulance scene, lots of shirtless hunks, and the dreaded two-on-one date. There was also lots of whining about Bentley. One would think the shirtless hunk bit would nip the Bentley bit in the bud…
The Bachelorette’s glob-trotting continues as she takes the guys to Chaing Mai, a city in northern Thailand. We get started with a one-on-one date with Josh Groban #2, Ben F. Ashley and Ben take a rickshaw into downtown Chaing Mai to explore the marketplace. Ashley felt a strong connection last week with Ben at the Thai orphanage and hopes sparks will fly on their one-on-one. After their trip to the market, Ashley and Ben cuddle on a bench in front of one of Chaing Mai’s 300 Buddhist temples. Because the temple is built on sacred ground, they aren’t allowed to kiss in its presence. Trying to fight the urge of forbidden passion, Ben and Ashley close their eyes and settle for a “mental kiss.” Let’s all take a moment and remember where we all were when we had our first mental kiss. I hope yours was as special as mine...
After their mental make-out, Ashley treats Ben F. to a romantic dinner where they dine surrounded by flowers, candles, and band of fire-eaters. Over dinner Ben tells Ashley about the death of his father and how he’s spent the past four years being very guarded. But over the past year he’s made positive changes in life and finally feels ready to be in true love. Liking what she’s hears, Ashley moves in for a real kiss and offers him the date rose.
The next day is the group date where Ashley takes eight of guys to train for a Muay Thai boxing match. The guys train for three hours which meant lots of sweaty, shirtless hunk footage. I envy the cutting room floor! After they train, the guys change into silky boxing shorts and lace up their gloves, because It. Is. On.
Lucas, who tells us that he doesn’t know anything about Muay Thai but has been in several street fights, takes on Blake the Dentist. Proving that cavities aren’t the only thing this dentist can fight, Blake wins the fight against Lucas with a jab to the rib. JP, who “frickin’ hates being on group dates, takes on Mickey and walks away unscathed and victorious. Ames takes on Ryan and takes a few too many blows to the head and ends up being rushed to the hospital with a mild concussion. I hope none of that Ivey League education fell out of that noggin of his. And the final match is between the heavy weights, Nick and Josh Groban #1, Constantine. As it turns out, Constantine’s Muay Thai boxing was as good as Josh Groban’s voice and he wins the last fight of the date.
After the boxing match, the guys unfortunately put their shirts back on, clean up, and meet Ashley for a mixer. Ryan P. is the first to steal some alone time and braggingly shows Ashley all the bruises he received from the day’s fight. Mickey, in horrid detail, describes to Ashley how painful the punches were, and Ames, who’s recently been discharged from the hospital, apologizes for being quiet because he’s still feeling dizzy. Great date choice, Ashley! Your bachelors are all bruised up and dizzy. What’s wrong with bowling and then sharing a waffle bowl at TCBY?
Ashley did have a nice chat with Blake and found out he was feeling very insecure of where he stood with her. She tells him she feels good about where they are and for him not to worry. And as an act of reassurance, offers him the date rose.
And if this episode wasn’t vicious enough, next up we have the two-on-one date with William and Ben C. With the exception of Fox News, the two-on-one date has to be the most painful event on national television. And like Fox News, it’s neither fair nor balanced. Ashley takes the guys for a ride on a wooden raft through the Thai jungle and then for a picnic by the water’s edge. William pulls Ashley aside for alone time and discloses that he’s overheard Ben tell the guys in the house that he’s ready to “Go home and go back to online dating.” With ammunition like that, Ashley pulls Ben aside to confront and ultimately send him home. So, William essentially ends up with a one-on-one. Fair? Balanced?
Over dinner Ashley hopes to rekindle the flame she and William shared on their first date in Las Vegas. But that flame starts to flicker when William tells her that he’s just a 30 year old boy and wants to find someone to be silly with. Ashley pulls out the proverbial fire extinguisher and tells him she doesn’t feel the same as she did in Vegas. So, William boards the reject limo feeling like a “jacka$$.”
Ashley kicks off the night’s rose ceremony with a speech to guys about being true to themselves and their feelings. What was behind her mild diatribe you ask? If you guessed Bentley you are correct! Ashley tells us that she “fears what happened with Bentley could happen again” and still feels she needs closure with him before she can move on with the other guys that want to date her and didn’t leave the show. She even gives Poppa Harrison a whiney earful about how much she still thinks about Bentley and wishes she could just ask him a few questions. Chris Harrison of course dusted off his copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and instructed her to read the highlighted passages.
Ashley shuts up about Bentley long enough to give out roses. Returning next week we have Ben F., Blake, Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey, and Ryan. And from the looks are next week’s preview we also have Bentley returning. It just got interesting.
The Bachelorette’s glob-trotting continues as she takes the guys to Chaing Mai, a city in northern Thailand. We get started with a one-on-one date with Josh Groban #2, Ben F. Ashley and Ben take a rickshaw into downtown Chaing Mai to explore the marketplace. Ashley felt a strong connection last week with Ben at the Thai orphanage and hopes sparks will fly on their one-on-one. After their trip to the market, Ashley and Ben cuddle on a bench in front of one of Chaing Mai’s 300 Buddhist temples. Because the temple is built on sacred ground, they aren’t allowed to kiss in its presence. Trying to fight the urge of forbidden passion, Ben and Ashley close their eyes and settle for a “mental kiss.” Let’s all take a moment and remember where we all were when we had our first mental kiss. I hope yours was as special as mine...
After their mental make-out, Ashley treats Ben F. to a romantic dinner where they dine surrounded by flowers, candles, and band of fire-eaters. Over dinner Ben tells Ashley about the death of his father and how he’s spent the past four years being very guarded. But over the past year he’s made positive changes in life and finally feels ready to be in true love. Liking what she’s hears, Ashley moves in for a real kiss and offers him the date rose.
The next day is the group date where Ashley takes eight of guys to train for a Muay Thai boxing match. The guys train for three hours which meant lots of sweaty, shirtless hunk footage. I envy the cutting room floor! After they train, the guys change into silky boxing shorts and lace up their gloves, because It. Is. On.
Lucas, who tells us that he doesn’t know anything about Muay Thai but has been in several street fights, takes on Blake the Dentist. Proving that cavities aren’t the only thing this dentist can fight, Blake wins the fight against Lucas with a jab to the rib. JP, who “frickin’ hates being on group dates, takes on Mickey and walks away unscathed and victorious. Ames takes on Ryan and takes a few too many blows to the head and ends up being rushed to the hospital with a mild concussion. I hope none of that Ivey League education fell out of that noggin of his. And the final match is between the heavy weights, Nick and Josh Groban #1, Constantine. As it turns out, Constantine’s Muay Thai boxing was as good as Josh Groban’s voice and he wins the last fight of the date.
After the boxing match, the guys unfortunately put their shirts back on, clean up, and meet Ashley for a mixer. Ryan P. is the first to steal some alone time and braggingly shows Ashley all the bruises he received from the day’s fight. Mickey, in horrid detail, describes to Ashley how painful the punches were, and Ames, who’s recently been discharged from the hospital, apologizes for being quiet because he’s still feeling dizzy. Great date choice, Ashley! Your bachelors are all bruised up and dizzy. What’s wrong with bowling and then sharing a waffle bowl at TCBY?
Ashley did have a nice chat with Blake and found out he was feeling very insecure of where he stood with her. She tells him she feels good about where they are and for him not to worry. And as an act of reassurance, offers him the date rose.
And if this episode wasn’t vicious enough, next up we have the two-on-one date with William and Ben C. With the exception of Fox News, the two-on-one date has to be the most painful event on national television. And like Fox News, it’s neither fair nor balanced. Ashley takes the guys for a ride on a wooden raft through the Thai jungle and then for a picnic by the water’s edge. William pulls Ashley aside for alone time and discloses that he’s overheard Ben tell the guys in the house that he’s ready to “Go home and go back to online dating.” With ammunition like that, Ashley pulls Ben aside to confront and ultimately send him home. So, William essentially ends up with a one-on-one. Fair? Balanced?
Over dinner Ashley hopes to rekindle the flame she and William shared on their first date in Las Vegas. But that flame starts to flicker when William tells her that he’s just a 30 year old boy and wants to find someone to be silly with. Ashley pulls out the proverbial fire extinguisher and tells him she doesn’t feel the same as she did in Vegas. So, William boards the reject limo feeling like a “jacka$$.”
Ashley kicks off the night’s rose ceremony with a speech to guys about being true to themselves and their feelings. What was behind her mild diatribe you ask? If you guessed Bentley you are correct! Ashley tells us that she “fears what happened with Bentley could happen again” and still feels she needs closure with him before she can move on with the other guys that want to date her and didn’t leave the show. She even gives Poppa Harrison a whiney earful about how much she still thinks about Bentley and wishes she could just ask him a few questions. Chris Harrison of course dusted off his copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” and instructed her to read the highlighted passages.
Ashley shuts up about Bentley long enough to give out roses. Returning next week we have Ben F., Blake, Constantine, Lucas, JP, Ames, Mickey, and Ryan. And from the looks are next week’s preview we also have Bentley returning. It just got interesting.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Week 4 - "But I'm still thinking about Bentley."
If I had taken a shot of whiskey everytime Ashley said "I keep thinking about Bentley" I'd have more typos in this blog than usual. I know she isn't aware of what an a$$hole Bentley is, but there are clearly, for some reason, good eggs clamoring for her attention that are still willing to be in the game. Allow me to name a few; William with those blue eyes and dimples, Mickey - all tall, dark and handsome, and after this week's episode I'm even a fan of Ivey League Ames and Josh Groban #1 (Constantine). All Bentley had going for him was a good head of hair...
This week Ashley whisked the guys away for a week in Thailand. Remind me to pack an umbrella if I ever find myself in Thailand during monsoon season. It's a good thing I wasn't the Bachelorette this season; I have awful rain hair. In fact my hair looks bad in any type of inclimate weather or on any body of water. I have bad ocean hair, lake hair, pool hair. I'm sure if I were out to sea I'd have bad sea hair or pond hair. I'm pretty sure it would even look bad in a creek or puddle. So, yeah, good thing I wasn't the Bachelorette this season...
Ashley's first one-on-one date in Thailand was with Josh Groban #1, Constantine. She had planned for a boat ride to a private island but because of the rainstorm, the boat trip was cancelled. Ashley looked absolutely panic-stricken at the thought of having to plan her own date. Without a Dave & Buster's or a Chili's nearby, whatever will they do? Constantine steps up and suggests they go into downtown Phuket and walk around the open air markets. And that's when I started to like Constantine. Throughout their date it almost seemed like Constantine was the Bachelor and Ashley was the one hoping to recieve a rose. He chatted up the local Phuketians, suggested they grab some Thai beers, and asked Ashley some good questions about her journey as the Bachelorette. Later than night over dinner on the beach, Ashley tells Constantine that she had the best date with him and feels like she's off to a fresh start this week. Despite not giving him kiss, she gave him the date rose.
Day two in Thailand brought more rain and the week's group date. For this date Ashley planned for the group to help renovate a local orphange. As the Extreme Home Makeover gets underway, Ryan P. starts to ruffle some of the bachelor's feathers. Some of the guys complain that his take-charge attitude is starting to come off as just plain bossy. They also start to wonder how genuine Ryan P. is and if his seemingly ever-happy desposition is just an act. But Josh Groban #2 (Ben F.) really stole the group date when he free handed a mural on one of the walls of the orphange. Finding the elephant he painted adorable, Ashley started to realize that she had been too caught up in Bentley to realize how unique some of the guys were.
Later that evening Ashley hosted a pool party to celebrate the success of the newly decorated orphange. The first guy to snatch some alone time with the Bachelorette was Ben F. Ashley tells him last weeke was a bad week dealing with Bentley, but she was excited to spend time with him while they painted. He tells her that he was happy she spent time with him and boldly went in for a kiss. She then meets up with JP where they sit on the beach near the water. Too bad Ashley didn't bring her tackle box, because she did nothing but fish for compliments. I think the only reason JP kissed her was to shush all the questioning of why he liked her and if he was thinking about leaving.
Just as Ashley is about to award the date rose, Ryan P. asks to steal her away for moment. As the two walk away from the group Ryan tells her, "I hope we get to have more conversations. I think you're beautiful and I know we have a connection." But, the last minute stay of execution didn't work as well as he hoped on our Bachelorette. Ashley awarded the date rose to Ben F. That makes the second Josh Groban look-a-like to recieve a date rose this episode. Someone has a type...
Ivey League is on deck for the next one-on-one date. The rain must have let up some because they were permitted to go on a boat ride and kayaking excursion. While boating along Chalong Bay, Ivey League Ames tells Ashley this marks is third trip to Thailand. His first was for a mountain climbing expedition and the second was to attend a Thai culinary school. Maybe on their next date she can take him to Richmond, KY. I bet he's never been there. After they cruise around the bay, Ames and Ashley board a sea kayak where they paddle around caves and waterfalls. Though they don't talk much while aboard the kayak, they both feel a strong connection just by being in such a beautiful setting together. Over dinner we learn that Ames finds Ashley very funny, smart, and beautiful. And Ashley finds Ames very diffrent from the rest of the guys and offers him the date rose.
The next night's rose ceremony has a few of the guys on edge. Ryan P. feels ganged-up on by some of the other bachelors, Lucas feels like he hasn't had much time alone time with Ashley, and Widower West fears that Ashley doesn't feel he's ready to be in love again. Before she hands out the roses, Ashley asks to speak with Poppa Harrison. Since Bentley's departure, Ashley has realized that she's had on Bentley goggles and now sees that there are some truly great guys that want to be here. Afraid that she will send the wrong on home, she asks Poppa Harrison if she can give out an extra rose at the ceremony. Her request was granted, and I think Lucas was the big IF. So, while Josh Groban numbers 1&2, Ivey League Ames, Lucas, Ryan P., JP, Nick, Mickey, Blake, William, and Ben C. return next week, West heads back home to South Carolina.
Next week their trek overseas continues as they travel to Chaing Mai in northern Thailand where we'll see some sort of boxing match, some serious hand holding, the ever-popular ambulance scene....and could it be the dramatic return of Bentley? *takes a shot*
This week Ashley whisked the guys away for a week in Thailand. Remind me to pack an umbrella if I ever find myself in Thailand during monsoon season. It's a good thing I wasn't the Bachelorette this season; I have awful rain hair. In fact my hair looks bad in any type of inclimate weather or on any body of water. I have bad ocean hair, lake hair, pool hair. I'm sure if I were out to sea I'd have bad sea hair or pond hair. I'm pretty sure it would even look bad in a creek or puddle. So, yeah, good thing I wasn't the Bachelorette this season...
Ashley's first one-on-one date in Thailand was with Josh Groban #1, Constantine. She had planned for a boat ride to a private island but because of the rainstorm, the boat trip was cancelled. Ashley looked absolutely panic-stricken at the thought of having to plan her own date. Without a Dave & Buster's or a Chili's nearby, whatever will they do? Constantine steps up and suggests they go into downtown Phuket and walk around the open air markets. And that's when I started to like Constantine. Throughout their date it almost seemed like Constantine was the Bachelor and Ashley was the one hoping to recieve a rose. He chatted up the local Phuketians, suggested they grab some Thai beers, and asked Ashley some good questions about her journey as the Bachelorette. Later than night over dinner on the beach, Ashley tells Constantine that she had the best date with him and feels like she's off to a fresh start this week. Despite not giving him kiss, she gave him the date rose.
Day two in Thailand brought more rain and the week's group date. For this date Ashley planned for the group to help renovate a local orphange. As the Extreme Home Makeover gets underway, Ryan P. starts to ruffle some of the bachelor's feathers. Some of the guys complain that his take-charge attitude is starting to come off as just plain bossy. They also start to wonder how genuine Ryan P. is and if his seemingly ever-happy desposition is just an act. But Josh Groban #2 (Ben F.) really stole the group date when he free handed a mural on one of the walls of the orphange. Finding the elephant he painted adorable, Ashley started to realize that she had been too caught up in Bentley to realize how unique some of the guys were.
Later that evening Ashley hosted a pool party to celebrate the success of the newly decorated orphange. The first guy to snatch some alone time with the Bachelorette was Ben F. Ashley tells him last weeke was a bad week dealing with Bentley, but she was excited to spend time with him while they painted. He tells her that he was happy she spent time with him and boldly went in for a kiss. She then meets up with JP where they sit on the beach near the water. Too bad Ashley didn't bring her tackle box, because she did nothing but fish for compliments. I think the only reason JP kissed her was to shush all the questioning of why he liked her and if he was thinking about leaving.
Just as Ashley is about to award the date rose, Ryan P. asks to steal her away for moment. As the two walk away from the group Ryan tells her, "I hope we get to have more conversations. I think you're beautiful and I know we have a connection." But, the last minute stay of execution didn't work as well as he hoped on our Bachelorette. Ashley awarded the date rose to Ben F. That makes the second Josh Groban look-a-like to recieve a date rose this episode. Someone has a type...
Ivey League is on deck for the next one-on-one date. The rain must have let up some because they were permitted to go on a boat ride and kayaking excursion. While boating along Chalong Bay, Ivey League Ames tells Ashley this marks is third trip to Thailand. His first was for a mountain climbing expedition and the second was to attend a Thai culinary school. Maybe on their next date she can take him to Richmond, KY. I bet he's never been there. After they cruise around the bay, Ames and Ashley board a sea kayak where they paddle around caves and waterfalls. Though they don't talk much while aboard the kayak, they both feel a strong connection just by being in such a beautiful setting together. Over dinner we learn that Ames finds Ashley very funny, smart, and beautiful. And Ashley finds Ames very diffrent from the rest of the guys and offers him the date rose.
The next night's rose ceremony has a few of the guys on edge. Ryan P. feels ganged-up on by some of the other bachelors, Lucas feels like he hasn't had much time alone time with Ashley, and Widower West fears that Ashley doesn't feel he's ready to be in love again. Before she hands out the roses, Ashley asks to speak with Poppa Harrison. Since Bentley's departure, Ashley has realized that she's had on Bentley goggles and now sees that there are some truly great guys that want to be here. Afraid that she will send the wrong on home, she asks Poppa Harrison if she can give out an extra rose at the ceremony. Her request was granted, and I think Lucas was the big IF. So, while Josh Groban numbers 1&2, Ivey League Ames, Lucas, Ryan P., JP, Nick, Mickey, Blake, William, and Ben C. return next week, West heads back home to South Carolina.
Next week their trek overseas continues as they travel to Chaing Mai in northern Thailand where we'll see some sort of boxing match, some serious hand holding, the ever-popular ambulance scene....and could it be the dramatic return of Bentley? *takes a shot*
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Week 3 - "All I wanna do is catch the next flight home."
That had to be the most awkward Bachelor episode ever. Between the flash mob date, Zorro's de-masking, all the drama with Bentley, this episode made the entire "Jon & Kate Plus 8" series look....well, slightly less awkward.
The night started off with a one-on-one date card for Ben C., a lawyer from New Orleans. Last week during the rose ceremony, 'Nawlins Ben told Ashley that he loves to dance if there is ever another date that involves dancing, then he's her guy. Well Ben, I hope your jazz hands and self esteem were for ready this date. Ashley picks him up and takes him to a dance studio where she teaches him a hip-hop dance. After the dance lesson the two lounge around on a blanket at a park where mid-conversation Ashley suggests they perform the dance they just learned. Feeling embaressed and hopefully thinking this is the most ridiculous idea ever, Ben C. remembers a rose is on the line and hops up and starts to dance. To his surprise music starts playing and a flash mob breaks out and joins them. After the dance mob, Ben and Ashley have a romantic dinner where the hopeless romantic Ben tells Ashley she's totally the kind of girl he wants to spend the rest of life with. You know how the saying goes, those that flash mob together, stay together. I'm pretty sure that's an old Chinese proverb. Ashley offers 'Nawlins Ben the date rose and a kiss that probably has him thinking about china patterns.
The next day Ashley has a group date. Because it's early on and there are lots of guys left, I can't keep straight who all went on the group date. They all just look like a mix of Abercrombie models and Josh Groban look-a-likes. But before the group date began, Zorro pulled Ashley aside so he could reveal his face. He takes her outside and tells her, "Wearing this mask has been a life-changing experience," and with that pulls the mask off to reaveal an average looking guy whose gone a little grey in the beard. I'm betting somewhere deep down, Ashley was hoping it was actually Brad Womack behind that mask... And what was Ashley's response to Zorro's face? "He's a lot older than I thought...but cute." Fellas, lesson learned; save the masks for halloween.
The night's group date also has to be the most awkward group date ever. Ashley takes the guys to The Comedy Store where comedian Jeffery Ross helps them host a roast honoring the Bachelorette. I don't know if it's the crying, the obvious insecurities, or her bad bangs, but something tells me that Ashley isn't the best candidate for a roast. And as it turns out, she all but run ran off stage in tears. A few of the guys played it safe by just roasting each other. But William, who moonlights as a stand-up comic, took the roast seriously...as he should! He starts his act by saying how dissapointing it was to step out of the limo to find that Emily wasn't the Bachelorette. I LOL'd... Ashley, on the other hand, didn't find his bit funny and felt really hurt by his jokes. After the roast Ashley hides in the corner and cries. While Ashley is crying, I'd like to take a moment and propose a roast of my own;
What do the battries in my remote control and Ashley's bra size have in common? They are both triple A's!
Hey Ashley, you know why they call it a Wonder Bra? Because you wonder what you're gonna put in it!
Zorro, you can take your mask off now. Oh? You did? You mean that's your face...
Ashley, do you realize you've given roses to two Josh Groban look-a-likes? Just making sure...
Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress...
Bentley waltzes over to a crying Ashley to, as he tells us, "mess with her head." Ashley whines that the one thing she was most afraid of about doing the show was people being dissapointed that she wasn't Emily. Bentley calms her fears by saying, "24 out of 25 of the guys here wanted it to to be you." Hm, wonder who the odd a$$hole out could be...
After she's dried her eyes, Ashley meets up with the rest of guys and pulls William aside, hoping for an apology. William does apologize for his jokes and even offers to pack his bags ad go home becasue she didn'r deserve to be treated that way even though IT WAS A ROAST! Then he suggests they she spend time with the other guys because there is nothing he can say to make things better. Ashley saunters over to Ryan P. where he tells her, "I'm happy it's you that's here" and gives her kiss thus clinching the date rose.
The next day Ashley gets a knock at her door. As we all know, a knock on The Bachelorette can mean one of three things:
1. An a$$hole is coming to say that he's leaving the show because he misses his daughter, when he's really just an a$$hole who isn't attracted you
2. Chris Harrison is stopping by with the chocolate and wine coolers that were requested
3. Emily dropping in to say, "Yeah, it should have been me."
If you guessed number one, you're correct! Bentley tells us, "All I wanna do is be on the first plane home." So, he packs his bags, tells the guys he should be home with little girls, and heads to break the news to Ashley. Surprised, sad, and sobbing, Ashley tells Bentley that she pictured him at the end and he has her heart. In response, Bentley tells her, "You have mine, but I don't know if I'm ready to share my heart with you and my daughter." Ashley's buys his story and confesses that she doesn't know if she even wants to go on with the show because she felt so strongly for him.
But, the show must go on. Bentley leaves, which has me counting the days for the "Men Tell All" episode, and JP recieves the next one-on-one date. JP, who has yet to even be included on a group date, gets to enjoy another awkward evening with Ashley. Remember, in the last 24 hours Ashley's been roasted, dumped, and she still has those awful bangs. JP arrives at Ashley's mansion with a sweet grin and bouquet of flowers. Ashley opens the door in a rumpled shirt, messy hair, and red eyes. They sit on the living floor and eat oranges then she suggests they change into sweatpants and cuddle. For some reason JP agrees to this, and Ashley returns wearing an oversized sweatshirt, plaid pajama pants, slippers and glasses. She looked like me on a Monday night. All she lacked was a Lean Cuisine and an episode of..."The Bachelor." JP told her this was the perfect way to spend an evening and was offered the date rose.
Before the rose ceremony Ashley was a little emotional, so she had a sit-down with Poppa Harrison and decided to skip the evening's cocktail party and go straight for the roses. Returning next week are Ben C., JP, Ryan P, Constantine, West, Mickey, Ben F., Blake, Nick, Ames, Lucas, and William. Like I said, nothing but a bunch of Amercrmbie models and Josh Grobans...
Tune in next week where we'll find the brood of bachelors in Thailand. Looks like there will be lot of kissing and ocean frolicking...shocking!
The night started off with a one-on-one date card for Ben C., a lawyer from New Orleans. Last week during the rose ceremony, 'Nawlins Ben told Ashley that he loves to dance if there is ever another date that involves dancing, then he's her guy. Well Ben, I hope your jazz hands and self esteem were for ready this date. Ashley picks him up and takes him to a dance studio where she teaches him a hip-hop dance. After the dance lesson the two lounge around on a blanket at a park where mid-conversation Ashley suggests they perform the dance they just learned. Feeling embaressed and hopefully thinking this is the most ridiculous idea ever, Ben C. remembers a rose is on the line and hops up and starts to dance. To his surprise music starts playing and a flash mob breaks out and joins them. After the dance mob, Ben and Ashley have a romantic dinner where the hopeless romantic Ben tells Ashley she's totally the kind of girl he wants to spend the rest of life with. You know how the saying goes, those that flash mob together, stay together. I'm pretty sure that's an old Chinese proverb. Ashley offers 'Nawlins Ben the date rose and a kiss that probably has him thinking about china patterns.
The next day Ashley has a group date. Because it's early on and there are lots of guys left, I can't keep straight who all went on the group date. They all just look like a mix of Abercrombie models and Josh Groban look-a-likes. But before the group date began, Zorro pulled Ashley aside so he could reveal his face. He takes her outside and tells her, "Wearing this mask has been a life-changing experience," and with that pulls the mask off to reaveal an average looking guy whose gone a little grey in the beard. I'm betting somewhere deep down, Ashley was hoping it was actually Brad Womack behind that mask... And what was Ashley's response to Zorro's face? "He's a lot older than I thought...but cute." Fellas, lesson learned; save the masks for halloween.
The night's group date also has to be the most awkward group date ever. Ashley takes the guys to The Comedy Store where comedian Jeffery Ross helps them host a roast honoring the Bachelorette. I don't know if it's the crying, the obvious insecurities, or her bad bangs, but something tells me that Ashley isn't the best candidate for a roast. And as it turns out, she all but run ran off stage in tears. A few of the guys played it safe by just roasting each other. But William, who moonlights as a stand-up comic, took the roast seriously...as he should! He starts his act by saying how dissapointing it was to step out of the limo to find that Emily wasn't the Bachelorette. I LOL'd... Ashley, on the other hand, didn't find his bit funny and felt really hurt by his jokes. After the roast Ashley hides in the corner and cries. While Ashley is crying, I'd like to take a moment and propose a roast of my own;
What do the battries in my remote control and Ashley's bra size have in common? They are both triple A's!
Hey Ashley, you know why they call it a Wonder Bra? Because you wonder what you're gonna put in it!
Zorro, you can take your mask off now. Oh? You did? You mean that's your face...
Ashley, do you realize you've given roses to two Josh Groban look-a-likes? Just making sure...
Thank you, I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress...
Bentley waltzes over to a crying Ashley to, as he tells us, "mess with her head." Ashley whines that the one thing she was most afraid of about doing the show was people being dissapointed that she wasn't Emily. Bentley calms her fears by saying, "24 out of 25 of the guys here wanted it to to be you." Hm, wonder who the odd a$$hole out could be...
After she's dried her eyes, Ashley meets up with the rest of guys and pulls William aside, hoping for an apology. William does apologize for his jokes and even offers to pack his bags ad go home becasue she didn'r deserve to be treated that way even though IT WAS A ROAST! Then he suggests they she spend time with the other guys because there is nothing he can say to make things better. Ashley saunters over to Ryan P. where he tells her, "I'm happy it's you that's here" and gives her kiss thus clinching the date rose.
The next day Ashley gets a knock at her door. As we all know, a knock on The Bachelorette can mean one of three things:
1. An a$$hole is coming to say that he's leaving the show because he misses his daughter, when he's really just an a$$hole who isn't attracted you
2. Chris Harrison is stopping by with the chocolate and wine coolers that were requested
3. Emily dropping in to say, "Yeah, it should have been me."
If you guessed number one, you're correct! Bentley tells us, "All I wanna do is be on the first plane home." So, he packs his bags, tells the guys he should be home with little girls, and heads to break the news to Ashley. Surprised, sad, and sobbing, Ashley tells Bentley that she pictured him at the end and he has her heart. In response, Bentley tells her, "You have mine, but I don't know if I'm ready to share my heart with you and my daughter." Ashley's buys his story and confesses that she doesn't know if she even wants to go on with the show because she felt so strongly for him.
But, the show must go on. Bentley leaves, which has me counting the days for the "Men Tell All" episode, and JP recieves the next one-on-one date. JP, who has yet to even be included on a group date, gets to enjoy another awkward evening with Ashley. Remember, in the last 24 hours Ashley's been roasted, dumped, and she still has those awful bangs. JP arrives at Ashley's mansion with a sweet grin and bouquet of flowers. Ashley opens the door in a rumpled shirt, messy hair, and red eyes. They sit on the living floor and eat oranges then she suggests they change into sweatpants and cuddle. For some reason JP agrees to this, and Ashley returns wearing an oversized sweatshirt, plaid pajama pants, slippers and glasses. She looked like me on a Monday night. All she lacked was a Lean Cuisine and an episode of..."The Bachelor." JP told her this was the perfect way to spend an evening and was offered the date rose.
Before the rose ceremony Ashley was a little emotional, so she had a sit-down with Poppa Harrison and decided to skip the evening's cocktail party and go straight for the roses. Returning next week are Ben C., JP, Ryan P, Constantine, West, Mickey, Ben F., Blake, Nick, Ames, Lucas, and William. Like I said, nothing but a bunch of Amercrmbie models and Josh Grobans...
Tune in next week where we'll find the brood of bachelors in Thailand. Looks like there will be lot of kissing and ocean frolicking...shocking!
Week 2 - "I'm not gonna last two months."
It's good to see that a$$holes still exist. I was beginning to think they were all taken and I was just going to have to one day settle for some nice guy. But Bentley, you have restored my faith in a$$holes. Good to see they are alive, well, and getting roses on "The Bachelorette."
Before we get to Bentley, we have to muddle through dates with nice guys like William and Mickey. William gets the season's first one-on-one date and Ashley flies him to the fabulous Las Vegas for their first date. As they board the private plane I'm sure William is envisioning a day at the craps table, maybe taking in a show - Cirque du Soleil, perhaps - then eating some crablegs at a buffett and at some point probably taking a dip in a hot tub, it is "The Bachelorette" afterall. So, I hope William was unpleasantly surprised when the Vegas date turned out to be his wedding to the Bachelorette. The date started off with a wedding cake tasting, followed by ring shopping, and capped off with a walk down the aisle in a hotel chapel. And I think going the movies is intense for a first date. Clearly my date activity choices are far too non-commital and sane to ever be a Bachelorette. Thankfully for William, the wedding was fake, unthankfully for Ashley, she didn't get to keep the two carat diamond she picked out...
After the fake wedding Ashley surprises William with a romantic dinner in the middle of the Bellagio fountian. Over dinner William tells Ashley about the death of his alcoholic father. Having an alcoholic father of her own, Ashley becomes emotional and the two bond over this experience. William tells her this is the best first date he's ever been on and just as the fountian starts up, Ashley offers him the date rose and the first kiss of the season.
Back in LA the first date card of the season arrives for 12 lucky bachelors. The group daters join Ashley in Vegas for a performance by America's Best Dance Crew, The Jabbowakeez. For this date the bachelors were divided into two dance crews and choreographed a routine. The members of the winning crew performed later that night in the Jabbowakeez show and the losing crew flew back to the Bachelor Cave in LA. The first crew, appropiatley named Best Men, to compete did a routine that acted out a wedding ceremony. The second crew, No Rhythm Nation, made their rountine to look like a rose ceremony. Incidently the crew that had Bentley, No Rhythm Nation, won the dance battle and performed with Ashley and The Jabbowakeez.
After the show Ahley and the boys after partied by pool. The first guy to get some alone time with Ashley was Blake, the dentist. Ashley tells Blake that she sees a lot of the same qualities in him that she sees in herself; hard worker, dedicated, perfectionist. Feeling confident that he's a rose-in, Blake is ok to turn Ashley over to Bentley for his alone time. Despite the warnings from a friend that knows Bentley, Ashley is obliviously smitten with Bentley. As the two curl up on the couch by the fire, Ashley asks if there is anything that would make him decide to go home. Bentley tells her that his young daughter would be the only reason he would ever leave the show early. Upon hearing that, Ashley tells him to please stay if he feels anything for her. As Ashley is hearing this, we, the audience, is hearing Bentley tell a prodcuer, "She's got a rockin' butt. Competing is the extent of my interest. She isn't my type." And that he would "rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with her." If I close my eyes, I can almost picture Carey Grant saying these things. And because even a$$holes deserve a chance to finish first, Bentley was offered the evening's date rose.
Meanwhile, back at the Bachelor Cave, another date card arrives. This one is addressed to Mickey and JP. The card instructs to the guys to flip a coin to decide which one will join Ashley in Vegas for the next one-on-one date. Mickey wins the coin toss and meets up with Ashley at Mandalay Bay. They decide to keep the coin toss trend going throughout the date. Mickey is cool to go along with the idea until it comes time for Ashley to give out the date rose. Luck was a rose that night, because Mickey called heads and that's what it landed on!
Tensions were high the next night before the rose ceremony. William, Bentley, and Mickey were all safe. JP, Ben C., and Zorro were the only ones that didn't make it on an one-on-one or a group date. JP was the first to steal Ashley for alone time and he flips a coin for a kiss, and gets it. Ashley tells him to she thinks tey will have a lot of fun togeter later on and not to worry about anything. Ashley also spends some time talking to Zorro, who has yet to reveal his face. Zorro tells Ashley that his life was turned upside down when he suffered a brain hemorrhage a few years ago. Since then he's realized how short life can be and doesn't want to waste it being superficial. He tells Ashley that he's ready to expose himself and just has he's about the take off his mask, Matt interupts...
Ashley also spends alone time with William which ticks all the other guys off becuse he's already accepted a rose. And she spends time with Bentley who suggests they quit talking ang just kiss by the fire.While Ashley was hearing that, we the audience, is hearing Bentley tell a producer,"That kiss was just boring. There's no way I'm gonna last two months." Is that Shakespeare he's reciting?
At the rose ceremony Ashley keeps Blake the dentist, West, Constantine (Josh Groban look-a-like #1), Ben C. (Josh Groban look-a-like #2), Ryan P,. Ben C., Nick, Ivey League Ames, Lucas, Nick, JP, Chris and...Zorro. Matt from Boston said it best on his way to the reject limo, "I was an open book and wasn't wearing a mask. I lost to a guy in a mask." Matt, don't foget to add "on national television." You lost to a guy in mask on national television.
Tune in next week where we'll get to see more of Bentley perfecting the lost art of being an a$$hole.
Before we get to Bentley, we have to muddle through dates with nice guys like William and Mickey. William gets the season's first one-on-one date and Ashley flies him to the fabulous Las Vegas for their first date. As they board the private plane I'm sure William is envisioning a day at the craps table, maybe taking in a show - Cirque du Soleil, perhaps - then eating some crablegs at a buffett and at some point probably taking a dip in a hot tub, it is "The Bachelorette" afterall. So, I hope William was unpleasantly surprised when the Vegas date turned out to be his wedding to the Bachelorette. The date started off with a wedding cake tasting, followed by ring shopping, and capped off with a walk down the aisle in a hotel chapel. And I think going the movies is intense for a first date. Clearly my date activity choices are far too non-commital and sane to ever be a Bachelorette. Thankfully for William, the wedding was fake, unthankfully for Ashley, she didn't get to keep the two carat diamond she picked out...
After the fake wedding Ashley surprises William with a romantic dinner in the middle of the Bellagio fountian. Over dinner William tells Ashley about the death of his alcoholic father. Having an alcoholic father of her own, Ashley becomes emotional and the two bond over this experience. William tells her this is the best first date he's ever been on and just as the fountian starts up, Ashley offers him the date rose and the first kiss of the season.
Back in LA the first date card of the season arrives for 12 lucky bachelors. The group daters join Ashley in Vegas for a performance by America's Best Dance Crew, The Jabbowakeez. For this date the bachelors were divided into two dance crews and choreographed a routine. The members of the winning crew performed later that night in the Jabbowakeez show and the losing crew flew back to the Bachelor Cave in LA. The first crew, appropiatley named Best Men, to compete did a routine that acted out a wedding ceremony. The second crew, No Rhythm Nation, made their rountine to look like a rose ceremony. Incidently the crew that had Bentley, No Rhythm Nation, won the dance battle and performed with Ashley and The Jabbowakeez.
After the show Ahley and the boys after partied by pool. The first guy to get some alone time with Ashley was Blake, the dentist. Ashley tells Blake that she sees a lot of the same qualities in him that she sees in herself; hard worker, dedicated, perfectionist. Feeling confident that he's a rose-in, Blake is ok to turn Ashley over to Bentley for his alone time. Despite the warnings from a friend that knows Bentley, Ashley is obliviously smitten with Bentley. As the two curl up on the couch by the fire, Ashley asks if there is anything that would make him decide to go home. Bentley tells her that his young daughter would be the only reason he would ever leave the show early. Upon hearing that, Ashley tells him to please stay if he feels anything for her. As Ashley is hearing this, we, the audience, is hearing Bentley tell a prodcuer, "She's got a rockin' butt. Competing is the extent of my interest. She isn't my type." And that he would "rather swim in pee than plan a wedding with her." If I close my eyes, I can almost picture Carey Grant saying these things. And because even a$$holes deserve a chance to finish first, Bentley was offered the evening's date rose.
Meanwhile, back at the Bachelor Cave, another date card arrives. This one is addressed to Mickey and JP. The card instructs to the guys to flip a coin to decide which one will join Ashley in Vegas for the next one-on-one date. Mickey wins the coin toss and meets up with Ashley at Mandalay Bay. They decide to keep the coin toss trend going throughout the date. Mickey is cool to go along with the idea until it comes time for Ashley to give out the date rose. Luck was a rose that night, because Mickey called heads and that's what it landed on!
Tensions were high the next night before the rose ceremony. William, Bentley, and Mickey were all safe. JP, Ben C., and Zorro were the only ones that didn't make it on an one-on-one or a group date. JP was the first to steal Ashley for alone time and he flips a coin for a kiss, and gets it. Ashley tells him to she thinks tey will have a lot of fun togeter later on and not to worry about anything. Ashley also spends some time talking to Zorro, who has yet to reveal his face. Zorro tells Ashley that his life was turned upside down when he suffered a brain hemorrhage a few years ago. Since then he's realized how short life can be and doesn't want to waste it being superficial. He tells Ashley that he's ready to expose himself and just has he's about the take off his mask, Matt interupts...
Ashley also spends alone time with William which ticks all the other guys off becuse he's already accepted a rose. And she spends time with Bentley who suggests they quit talking ang just kiss by the fire.While Ashley was hearing that, we the audience, is hearing Bentley tell a producer,"That kiss was just boring. There's no way I'm gonna last two months." Is that Shakespeare he's reciting?
At the rose ceremony Ashley keeps Blake the dentist, West, Constantine (Josh Groban look-a-like #1), Ben C. (Josh Groban look-a-like #2), Ryan P,. Ben C., Nick, Ivey League Ames, Lucas, Nick, JP, Chris and...Zorro. Matt from Boston said it best on his way to the reject limo, "I was an open book and wasn't wearing a mask. I lost to a guy in a mask." Matt, don't foget to add "on national television." You lost to a guy in mask on national television.
Tune in next week where we'll get to see more of Bentley perfecting the lost art of being an a$$hole.
Week 1 - "He's Really Cute!"
It's that time of year again; the hot tub's been disinfected, the spray tan's been applied, and the roses have been pruned. Bachelor Monday's are back...and so is this blog. For the next several weeks we'll watch as Ashley H. kisses her way through 25 frogs in hopes of finding a prince.
As you recall, Ashley H. was a contender on last season's "The Bachelor" with Brad Womack. Regretting her hesitation and reluctance last season, Ashley is ready to get serious about finding a husband on reality television. If only we could all be so dedicated...
Before she can start doling out roses, we must meet all 25 bachelors. Among the brood of are some handsome, blue-eyed blondes (William and Ryan P.), two Josh Groban look-alikes (Winemaker Ben and Constitine), a drunk (Tim) and a guy in a mask (Jeff). Sounds like the kind of guys you would meet out in Knoxville if you ask me. Especially the drunk. Knoxville has those covered, amiright ladies!
First out of the limo was one of the handsome blondes, Ryan P. Ryan is a solar engineer from California and he just wants to "make the world a better place." And Ashley made his world a better place by offering him the First Impression Rose. We also meet Ivey League Ames who was quick to mention his degrees from Yale and Columbia. Drunk Tim can hardly put two words together before passing out drunk. And then we meet Zorro. Zorro is actually a guy named Jeff from St. Louis. When asked about his mask he tells Ashley that he "wanted to take his face out of the game." Well, I hope that face is worth it when he decides to take it off. And I hope he takes it before the Fantasy Suite date otherwise, it's like prom night alll over again and I'd rather not relive that.
Bentley should be a pretty interesting/ratings booster character this season. Supposedly, Ashley heard through a fellow Bachelor alum that Bentley is only doing the show to promote his business and he isn't there for the right reasons. Ashley wants to hold this against him, but oh those dimples and that head of hair! She's too smitten by his charm and good looks to let that information sway her decision. Ashley also finds William from Ohio quite charming as his celebrity impressions have her in stitches. William is also my pick of the litter, but I think Ryan P. and Bentley are the early frontrunners.
After Ashley has a chance to chat with all her suiters, it's time to give out the roses. Among those advancing to next week are Ryan P., William, Ivey League Ames, Bentley, both Josh Grobans, some other douchebags, and....Zorro! And among those boarding the reject limo are Tennessee boy Frank, and someone who had the best parting words in Bachelor history, Anthony from New Jersey. Dissapointed by another heartbreak, Anthony tells us, "I'm just a small town butcher from Jersey. What do I know?" Beautiful.
One of my favorite parts of the premiere episode of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" is the season preview and this year's preview did not dissapoint. Ashley takes the guys glob trotting to Hong Kong, Thailand, and Fiji. We'll also witness what looks to be a heated boxing match, accusations that one of the guy's wishes it were Emily that was the bachelorette, and an ambulance scene! No season of "The Bachelor" is complete without a good, old-fashioned ambulance scene...
As you recall, Ashley H. was a contender on last season's "The Bachelor" with Brad Womack. Regretting her hesitation and reluctance last season, Ashley is ready to get serious about finding a husband on reality television. If only we could all be so dedicated...
Before she can start doling out roses, we must meet all 25 bachelors. Among the brood of are some handsome, blue-eyed blondes (William and Ryan P.), two Josh Groban look-alikes (Winemaker Ben and Constitine), a drunk (Tim) and a guy in a mask (Jeff). Sounds like the kind of guys you would meet out in Knoxville if you ask me. Especially the drunk. Knoxville has those covered, amiright ladies!
First out of the limo was one of the handsome blondes, Ryan P. Ryan is a solar engineer from California and he just wants to "make the world a better place." And Ashley made his world a better place by offering him the First Impression Rose. We also meet Ivey League Ames who was quick to mention his degrees from Yale and Columbia. Drunk Tim can hardly put two words together before passing out drunk. And then we meet Zorro. Zorro is actually a guy named Jeff from St. Louis. When asked about his mask he tells Ashley that he "wanted to take his face out of the game." Well, I hope that face is worth it when he decides to take it off. And I hope he takes it before the Fantasy Suite date otherwise, it's like prom night alll over again and I'd rather not relive that.
Bentley should be a pretty interesting/ratings booster character this season. Supposedly, Ashley heard through a fellow Bachelor alum that Bentley is only doing the show to promote his business and he isn't there for the right reasons. Ashley wants to hold this against him, but oh those dimples and that head of hair! She's too smitten by his charm and good looks to let that information sway her decision. Ashley also finds William from Ohio quite charming as his celebrity impressions have her in stitches. William is also my pick of the litter, but I think Ryan P. and Bentley are the early frontrunners.
After Ashley has a chance to chat with all her suiters, it's time to give out the roses. Among those advancing to next week are Ryan P., William, Ivey League Ames, Bentley, both Josh Grobans, some other douchebags, and....Zorro! And among those boarding the reject limo are Tennessee boy Frank, and someone who had the best parting words in Bachelor history, Anthony from New Jersey. Dissapointed by another heartbreak, Anthony tells us, "I'm just a small town butcher from Jersey. What do I know?" Beautiful.
One of my favorite parts of the premiere episode of "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" is the season preview and this year's preview did not dissapoint. Ashley takes the guys glob trotting to Hong Kong, Thailand, and Fiji. We'll also witness what looks to be a heated boxing match, accusations that one of the guy's wishes it were Emily that was the bachelorette, and an ambulance scene! No season of "The Bachelor" is complete without a good, old-fashioned ambulance scene...
Friday, February 25, 2011
"Happy to me, means family."
Hometown Date Week has arrived! The air is crispier, the sun shinier and the roses rosier. It’s just like Christmas but with less traffic. This week Brad ventured to Washington, Maine, California and North Carolina to meet his pick of future in-laws.
Brad’s first stop was to Chantal’s hometown in Seattle, the northwestern most city in the contiguous US. Chantal brings Brad back to her house where he’s introduced her dog, Boca. Boca the dog is slightly bigger than a squirrel and more hyper than a second grader with ADD. Chantal is utterly in love with the little rascal and refers to Brad as “daddy” when Boca jumps in his lap. Brad, remember; the smaller the dog, the crazier the girl. (Yours truly and her 10 pound shih-tzu excluded.) After the petting zoo, Chantal takes Brad seven miles down the road to her parent’s estate where he meets her father Michael, her brother Conner, and her mother Billie-Jo. If “The Real Housewives” franchise ever makes it to Seattle, Billie-Jo is a must. From her lusciously botoxed lips and French pedicured toes to the way she swirled her glass of merlot, Billie-Jo gave us a sampling of Seattle’s finest cougar. After a family dinner, father Michael takes Brad down to his wine cellar for a tasting and a talk. Brad and Michael discover that both their grandfather’s were masons. They also bonded over the fact that they were self-made men and appreciated hard work and by the looks of the empty bottle, a nice, full-bodied red. Dad tells Brad that Chantal has been ready to settle down for a long time and he’d be proud to have him as a son-in-law.
From the northwestern most city to the northeastern most city, Brad meets Ashley in her small hometown of Madawaska, Maine. The quaint fishing town borders French Canada, so Ashley takes him to a local restaurant where they split an order of poutine, french fries smothered in cheese and topped with gravy. Sounds like something I would crave drunk. Or stoned. Or just hungry and totally sober. When the poutine arrives Brad exclaims that it looks better than sushi and digs in. Brad is from Texas after all, so I don’t think spicy catfish roll or tempura bass hardly count as sushi. In his defense cheesy, gravy fries probably did look better. After their snack, Ashley takes Brad home to meet her family and Brad feels like he instantly fits in. They dine on fresh Maine lobster, throw back a few beers, and seem to have genuinely good time. After dinner, Ashley’s father takes Brad into the garage and lets him know that his daughter is very driven and plans to finish dental school and starting a family so soon may scare her. Rattled by what he’s hearing, Brad starts to worry that proposing to Ashley may hold her back. But his chat with older sister Chrystie calms him down. Chrystie (yes, that’s how they spell it in Maine) tells Brad that Ashley is ready to start her life and now is the perfect time for her to fall in love.
Next Brad flies across the country to Chico, California for his hometown date with Shawntel. He meets her at her family-run funeral home and mausoleum. After an awkward embrace, Shawntel shows Brad around the family business. They first tour the crematory where they usually cremate three bodies a day. Next she takes him to the embalming room and shows him all her prep tools. By the looks of the color draining from his face, I think she lost Brad, and her next rose, at “aneurysm hooks.” After a fun-filled day at the funeral parlor, they head over to Shawntel’s house to meet her family; parents Colleen and Rick and her two sisters, Destiny and Vanessa. Rick has been in the funeral business for 40 years and plans for Shawntel to take over once he retires. Brad, who told us earlier that he “doesn’t do well with death,” starts to worry about his future with Shawntel and if they move to Texas, would he be taking her away from her family. Shawntel tells her dad that she’s in love with Brad and if he proposes, things will work it.
To round out Brad’s travels across the US, he meets up with Emily in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Emily and her five year old daughter Ricki greet Brad in the park for a picnic. Little Ricki splendidly played the part of “shy” like she was up for an Academy Award. I’m not totally convinced that the child even had a face; she kept it so hidden in her mother’s bosom. Little Ricki came to a life just a tad when Brad handed her a present; a butterfly kite. She would barely look at him after that. Clearly, someone was hoping for an iPad. After their picnic, Emily takes Brad back to her house where the three of them play Candyland and draw pictures. Single moms on “The Bachelor” are such a buzzkill! Where was the wine or champagne? This date even had me missing the hot tub! After little Ricki goes to bed, Emily is hoping for some steamy alone time with her man. Momma needs some sugar! But Brad couldn’t seem to get in the mood and makes an early exit leaving Emily disappointed.
At the rose ceremony Brad tells Chris Harrison how much it meant to him that he was welcomed in these women’s homes and treated so kindly by their families. But, there was one woman that he just didn’t feel the way he was hoping he would after hometown dating; and that was Shawntel. After offering roses to Ashley, Emily, and Chantal, Brad walks Shawntel downstairs and tells her, “I didn’t feel the way a man should feel when you told me ‘I love you.’” And as Shawntel boards the reject limo back to Chico she tells us, “I hope I meet someone like him. I liked being treated like a princess.” Shawntel, you listen here – that’s what this show does. It finds a somewhat attractive guy, puts product in his hair, shoves him in some Armani suits, plans extravagant dates, gives him access to any hot tub in the city of Los Angeles, and then gives him a bouquet of roses to hand out. It’s reality TV and Brad Womack isn’t reality. Reality is margaritas on Thursday nights, Chinese take-out and telling each other goodnight. Sure, a shopping spree in Vegas and a romantic dinner on the Anguillan beaches sound divine, but, not to sound like a Taylor Swift song lyric, it’s what you are able to give someone everyday that makes them really feel like a princess.
Brad’s first stop was to Chantal’s hometown in Seattle, the northwestern most city in the contiguous US. Chantal brings Brad back to her house where he’s introduced her dog, Boca. Boca the dog is slightly bigger than a squirrel and more hyper than a second grader with ADD. Chantal is utterly in love with the little rascal and refers to Brad as “daddy” when Boca jumps in his lap. Brad, remember; the smaller the dog, the crazier the girl. (Yours truly and her 10 pound shih-tzu excluded.) After the petting zoo, Chantal takes Brad seven miles down the road to her parent’s estate where he meets her father Michael, her brother Conner, and her mother Billie-Jo. If “The Real Housewives” franchise ever makes it to Seattle, Billie-Jo is a must. From her lusciously botoxed lips and French pedicured toes to the way she swirled her glass of merlot, Billie-Jo gave us a sampling of Seattle’s finest cougar. After a family dinner, father Michael takes Brad down to his wine cellar for a tasting and a talk. Brad and Michael discover that both their grandfather’s were masons. They also bonded over the fact that they were self-made men and appreciated hard work and by the looks of the empty bottle, a nice, full-bodied red. Dad tells Brad that Chantal has been ready to settle down for a long time and he’d be proud to have him as a son-in-law.
From the northwestern most city to the northeastern most city, Brad meets Ashley in her small hometown of Madawaska, Maine. The quaint fishing town borders French Canada, so Ashley takes him to a local restaurant where they split an order of poutine, french fries smothered in cheese and topped with gravy. Sounds like something I would crave drunk. Or stoned. Or just hungry and totally sober. When the poutine arrives Brad exclaims that it looks better than sushi and digs in. Brad is from Texas after all, so I don’t think spicy catfish roll or tempura bass hardly count as sushi. In his defense cheesy, gravy fries probably did look better. After their snack, Ashley takes Brad home to meet her family and Brad feels like he instantly fits in. They dine on fresh Maine lobster, throw back a few beers, and seem to have genuinely good time. After dinner, Ashley’s father takes Brad into the garage and lets him know that his daughter is very driven and plans to finish dental school and starting a family so soon may scare her. Rattled by what he’s hearing, Brad starts to worry that proposing to Ashley may hold her back. But his chat with older sister Chrystie calms him down. Chrystie (yes, that’s how they spell it in Maine) tells Brad that Ashley is ready to start her life and now is the perfect time for her to fall in love.
Next Brad flies across the country to Chico, California for his hometown date with Shawntel. He meets her at her family-run funeral home and mausoleum. After an awkward embrace, Shawntel shows Brad around the family business. They first tour the crematory where they usually cremate three bodies a day. Next she takes him to the embalming room and shows him all her prep tools. By the looks of the color draining from his face, I think she lost Brad, and her next rose, at “aneurysm hooks.” After a fun-filled day at the funeral parlor, they head over to Shawntel’s house to meet her family; parents Colleen and Rick and her two sisters, Destiny and Vanessa. Rick has been in the funeral business for 40 years and plans for Shawntel to take over once he retires. Brad, who told us earlier that he “doesn’t do well with death,” starts to worry about his future with Shawntel and if they move to Texas, would he be taking her away from her family. Shawntel tells her dad that she’s in love with Brad and if he proposes, things will work it.
To round out Brad’s travels across the US, he meets up with Emily in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Emily and her five year old daughter Ricki greet Brad in the park for a picnic. Little Ricki splendidly played the part of “shy” like she was up for an Academy Award. I’m not totally convinced that the child even had a face; she kept it so hidden in her mother’s bosom. Little Ricki came to a life just a tad when Brad handed her a present; a butterfly kite. She would barely look at him after that. Clearly, someone was hoping for an iPad. After their picnic, Emily takes Brad back to her house where the three of them play Candyland and draw pictures. Single moms on “The Bachelor” are such a buzzkill! Where was the wine or champagne? This date even had me missing the hot tub! After little Ricki goes to bed, Emily is hoping for some steamy alone time with her man. Momma needs some sugar! But Brad couldn’t seem to get in the mood and makes an early exit leaving Emily disappointed.
At the rose ceremony Brad tells Chris Harrison how much it meant to him that he was welcomed in these women’s homes and treated so kindly by their families. But, there was one woman that he just didn’t feel the way he was hoping he would after hometown dating; and that was Shawntel. After offering roses to Ashley, Emily, and Chantal, Brad walks Shawntel downstairs and tells her, “I didn’t feel the way a man should feel when you told me ‘I love you.’” And as Shawntel boards the reject limo back to Chico she tells us, “I hope I meet someone like him. I liked being treated like a princess.” Shawntel, you listen here – that’s what this show does. It finds a somewhat attractive guy, puts product in his hair, shoves him in some Armani suits, plans extravagant dates, gives him access to any hot tub in the city of Los Angeles, and then gives him a bouquet of roses to hand out. It’s reality TV and Brad Womack isn’t reality. Reality is margaritas on Thursday nights, Chinese take-out and telling each other goodnight. Sure, a shopping spree in Vegas and a romantic dinner on the Anguillan beaches sound divine, but, not to sound like a Taylor Swift song lyric, it’s what you are able to give someone everyday that makes them really feel like a princess.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"I don't care about the rules!"
This week’s episode found our band of bachelors in the Caribbean island of Angullia. Known for its pristine white sandy beaches, glistening turquoise waters, and offshore banking, Angullia can now boast being home to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. In fact I think Chief Minister Osbourne Fleming is having a rose statue erected in its honor.
When the ladies arrive to the island they are immediately greeted by a rather tan Chris Harrison who breaks the news that there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date this week. And that Brad will only be giving one rose before the week’s rose ceremony. And the first one-on-one date goes to Emily.
Continuing the trend, Brad picks Emily up in a helicopter where they fly to a private island for a picnic lunch. As the two sit basking in sunny paradise, the conversation takes a serious turn when Emily admits that she’s afraid of getting of her heartbroken. Brad tries to calm her fears by telling her how nervous she makes him and brings up the fact that the next round of dates will be hometown dates. Apprehensive about bringing up her daughter, Brad asks if he would be allowed to meet Ricki if he went home with her to Charlotte. Emily tells Brad that she’s an overprotected mother and Ricki has never met a guy she’s dated. But she realizes that Brad probably won’t propose if he can’t meet the most important person in her life. That being said, these two were in for some light-hearted dinner conversation…
Later that night, Emily and Brad meet for dinner on the beach. After toasting to a great day on their private island, he tells Emily that she’s getting a rose at the next ceremony and they are going home to Charlotte. Such the rule breaker, Brad Womack! They share a gag-inducing kiss in the ocean and then Brad tells us, “I don’t care about the rules. I care about Emily. I fell really hard tonight.” And so its official, Emily from Charlotte is the frontrunner.
Shawntel was awarded the second one-on-one in Agullia. And if I were among the last ladies standing, her date would have been my favorite of the three. This time Brad meets up with his date on a bicycle and they ride to the local farmer’s market. While roaming around they sip drinks out of coconuts, jump rope with little Anguillan children, and play dominoes on the street corner. My favorite part of the date was their chat with Auntie Bea. I’m not sure if she’s an out of work fortune teller or just the town drunk, but whoever she is, she needs to write a book on relationships because she seems to have it all figured out. Through her loving yet toothless mouth, Auntie Bea asks Brad and Shawntel if they are in love. When neither answers with much certainty, Anuties Bea tells them to, “Hold hands. Kiss sometime. And let your parents know when you get married.” Cosmopolitan magazine needs to give Auntie Bea a byline…
After the farmer’s market Brad meets Shawntel for dinner at the boat dock. While noshing on lobster tails and sipping colorful rum punch, Shawntel tells Brad, “I’m definitely falling in love with you, but there are five other girls here that feel the same way.” Brad tells her understands her frustrations with this unusual circumstance, but assures her that his connection with her is real and he’s interested in meeting her family. While the two talk about their parents, it starts to rain which makes the Bachelor feel all romantic. Have rain, will kiss. And as they’re kissing in the rain, Bankie Banks, the so-called “Angullian Bob Dylan” starts to serenade them.
Britt was the third and final one-on-one date of the week. And for this date Brad picks her up in a yacht. As Brad and Britt swim out to sea to board the boat, the girls back in the villa seem a little jealous that Britt will have Brad and all six of his abs alone on a yacht for the rest of the day. Michelle tells us, “You’re gonna use a yacht on Britt? Sounds like a waste of a one-on-one if you ask me.”
The yacht cruises the Caribbean and sets anchor near a rocky cliff where Bras suggests they going cliff diving. Brad takes the first jump and encourages Britt to be brave and just go for it. After moment of hesitation, Britt leaps off the cliff and plunges into the ocean all while holding her nose. After their cliff diving adventure, they sit on the beach for some small talk. But Brad seems disappointed that they’re two attractive people, wearing bathing suits, sitting in paradise and they’ve yet to kiss. Hoping to figure out if there’s a romantic connection, he meets Britt for a candlelit dinner on the yacht’s deck. Struggling for conversation, Brad tells her he isn’t sure that he has romantic feelings for her and doesn’t want to string her along through the next rose ceremony. She thanks him for giving it a shot and then boards the reject boat back to the villa to pack up her things and head home.
And now we’re to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. The date is miserable from the start as Brad wakes Ashley, Michelle, and Chantal up before sunrise for their big date. He takes them to another villa down the beach where a team of make-up artists and photographers will glam them up for a spread in Sports Illustrated’s coveted swimsuit issue. Michelle, who has done some modeling in her time, is thrilled to be behind the camera again. Flat Ashley just hopes the camera will add 10lbs to her boob area, and Chantal must be on her period because she feels fat and cranky. All was going well during the photo shoot until Michelle invites Brad to join her for a pose, which turned out to be a make session on the beach. As soon as the shoot wrapped, Brad knew he took things too far with Michelle and he’d have lots of explaining to do with Ashley and Chantal.
He first pulls Ashley aside for alone time and assures her that he loves her bubbly personality and was sorry she ever had to second guess his feelings for her. Next he tells Chantal that he’s very interested in meeting her family and apologized for making her feel disconnected. And then tells Michelle that he’s scared that they’re too much alike and both a little too stubborn. After each girl has a crying spell, Brad tells us this is the worst group he’s ever been on and feels that he’s let some very special women down today. He decides to award Ashley the date rose which makes Chantal question if she’s even still in the running.
Later that night before the rose ceremony Brad asks to speak with Chris Harrison. Since he’s already broken one rule this week and promised Emily a rose, he asks to break another rule; skip the cocktail party and go straight for the roses. He tells Chris that his mind was made up earlier that afternoon and he doesn’t want to make this woman wait any longer. So, with Poppa Harrison’s blessing, Brad jumps right into the rose awarding. He first calls Emily, then Shawntel, then Chantal which left Michelle without a rose. I was immediately worried for Brad’s safety, but Michelle was oddly very calm and quiet as she made her exit. She refused to hold Brad’s hand during their walk to the reject limo and made no attempt at conversation or plea of explanation before leaving. She simply sighed goodbye and then laid down in the seat of the limo, expressionless. I was mildly disappointed that she didn’t go out with more fanfare or at least a string of bleeped out expletives as she drove off.
Next week is my favorite time of year – Hometown Date Week! From shotgun-toting dads and weird family pets, to creepy basements and kooky grandmas, the possibilities for hometown dates are endless.
When the ladies arrive to the island they are immediately greeted by a rather tan Chris Harrison who breaks the news that there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date this week. And that Brad will only be giving one rose before the week’s rose ceremony. And the first one-on-one date goes to Emily.
Continuing the trend, Brad picks Emily up in a helicopter where they fly to a private island for a picnic lunch. As the two sit basking in sunny paradise, the conversation takes a serious turn when Emily admits that she’s afraid of getting of her heartbroken. Brad tries to calm her fears by telling her how nervous she makes him and brings up the fact that the next round of dates will be hometown dates. Apprehensive about bringing up her daughter, Brad asks if he would be allowed to meet Ricki if he went home with her to Charlotte. Emily tells Brad that she’s an overprotected mother and Ricki has never met a guy she’s dated. But she realizes that Brad probably won’t propose if he can’t meet the most important person in her life. That being said, these two were in for some light-hearted dinner conversation…
Later that night, Emily and Brad meet for dinner on the beach. After toasting to a great day on their private island, he tells Emily that she’s getting a rose at the next ceremony and they are going home to Charlotte. Such the rule breaker, Brad Womack! They share a gag-inducing kiss in the ocean and then Brad tells us, “I don’t care about the rules. I care about Emily. I fell really hard tonight.” And so its official, Emily from Charlotte is the frontrunner.
Shawntel was awarded the second one-on-one in Agullia. And if I were among the last ladies standing, her date would have been my favorite of the three. This time Brad meets up with his date on a bicycle and they ride to the local farmer’s market. While roaming around they sip drinks out of coconuts, jump rope with little Anguillan children, and play dominoes on the street corner. My favorite part of the date was their chat with Auntie Bea. I’m not sure if she’s an out of work fortune teller or just the town drunk, but whoever she is, she needs to write a book on relationships because she seems to have it all figured out. Through her loving yet toothless mouth, Auntie Bea asks Brad and Shawntel if they are in love. When neither answers with much certainty, Anuties Bea tells them to, “Hold hands. Kiss sometime. And let your parents know when you get married.” Cosmopolitan magazine needs to give Auntie Bea a byline…
After the farmer’s market Brad meets Shawntel for dinner at the boat dock. While noshing on lobster tails and sipping colorful rum punch, Shawntel tells Brad, “I’m definitely falling in love with you, but there are five other girls here that feel the same way.” Brad tells her understands her frustrations with this unusual circumstance, but assures her that his connection with her is real and he’s interested in meeting her family. While the two talk about their parents, it starts to rain which makes the Bachelor feel all romantic. Have rain, will kiss. And as they’re kissing in the rain, Bankie Banks, the so-called “Angullian Bob Dylan” starts to serenade them.
Britt was the third and final one-on-one date of the week. And for this date Brad picks her up in a yacht. As Brad and Britt swim out to sea to board the boat, the girls back in the villa seem a little jealous that Britt will have Brad and all six of his abs alone on a yacht for the rest of the day. Michelle tells us, “You’re gonna use a yacht on Britt? Sounds like a waste of a one-on-one if you ask me.”
The yacht cruises the Caribbean and sets anchor near a rocky cliff where Bras suggests they going cliff diving. Brad takes the first jump and encourages Britt to be brave and just go for it. After moment of hesitation, Britt leaps off the cliff and plunges into the ocean all while holding her nose. After their cliff diving adventure, they sit on the beach for some small talk. But Brad seems disappointed that they’re two attractive people, wearing bathing suits, sitting in paradise and they’ve yet to kiss. Hoping to figure out if there’s a romantic connection, he meets Britt for a candlelit dinner on the yacht’s deck. Struggling for conversation, Brad tells her he isn’t sure that he has romantic feelings for her and doesn’t want to string her along through the next rose ceremony. She thanks him for giving it a shot and then boards the reject boat back to the villa to pack up her things and head home.
And now we’re to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. The date is miserable from the start as Brad wakes Ashley, Michelle, and Chantal up before sunrise for their big date. He takes them to another villa down the beach where a team of make-up artists and photographers will glam them up for a spread in Sports Illustrated’s coveted swimsuit issue. Michelle, who has done some modeling in her time, is thrilled to be behind the camera again. Flat Ashley just hopes the camera will add 10lbs to her boob area, and Chantal must be on her period because she feels fat and cranky. All was going well during the photo shoot until Michelle invites Brad to join her for a pose, which turned out to be a make session on the beach. As soon as the shoot wrapped, Brad knew he took things too far with Michelle and he’d have lots of explaining to do with Ashley and Chantal.
He first pulls Ashley aside for alone time and assures her that he loves her bubbly personality and was sorry she ever had to second guess his feelings for her. Next he tells Chantal that he’s very interested in meeting her family and apologized for making her feel disconnected. And then tells Michelle that he’s scared that they’re too much alike and both a little too stubborn. After each girl has a crying spell, Brad tells us this is the worst group he’s ever been on and feels that he’s let some very special women down today. He decides to award Ashley the date rose which makes Chantal question if she’s even still in the running.
Later that night before the rose ceremony Brad asks to speak with Chris Harrison. Since he’s already broken one rule this week and promised Emily a rose, he asks to break another rule; skip the cocktail party and go straight for the roses. He tells Chris that his mind was made up earlier that afternoon and he doesn’t want to make this woman wait any longer. So, with Poppa Harrison’s blessing, Brad jumps right into the rose awarding. He first calls Emily, then Shawntel, then Chantal which left Michelle without a rose. I was immediately worried for Brad’s safety, but Michelle was oddly very calm and quiet as she made her exit. She refused to hold Brad’s hand during their walk to the reject limo and made no attempt at conversation or plea of explanation before leaving. She simply sighed goodbye and then laid down in the seat of the limo, expressionless. I was mildly disappointed that she didn’t go out with more fanfare or at least a string of bleeped out expletives as she drove off.
Next week is my favorite time of year – Hometown Date Week! From shotgun-toting dads and weird family pets, to creepy basements and kooky grandmas, the possibilities for hometown dates are endless.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Week 5
Bachelor Brad took his broads abroad this week for a rumble in the Costa Rican jungle. Despite zip lining across the rain forest, repelling down waterfalls, and picnicking in caves, there was trouble brewing in paradise. Michelle put Brad’s patients to the test, Chantal’s emotions got the best of her, and the Wildcats beat the Vols. Wait, what? I meant to say that Brad decided not to give out a date rose.
Brad sets the women up in a cozy villa over looking a volcano. While the girls enjoy the gorgeous view, a date card arrives for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel, and Britt. Ashley can’t wait to get “down and dirty in the jungle” with Brad. Michelle, on the other hand is still appalled that Shawntel is still in the running and hopes she “gets attacked by monkeys” on their group date. I’ve always heard that group date eating monkeys are particularly dangerous in Costa Rica.
The daters go repelling down a waterfall in the rainforest. Most of the girls are excited to try something new and adventurous, but Jackie, the token acrophobic, is in a panic. Deathly afraid of heights, she cries and freaks out, but eventually repels down the waterfall. Now Brad could have really won us over and elected to repel with her to calm her fears and make her feel safe. But instead, Brad gets on our bad side and decides to go down with Michelle because they made a “pact” on their last date that if they ever went repelling again, they would repel together. As you know, those that repel together might get engaged on national television together.
After everyone made it safely down, they all relaxed around a hot spring. Brad wasted no time getting alone time with the ladies. He first had a chat with Jackie and told her how proud he was of her for conquering her fear of heights. Though gracious of his praises, Jackie was also miffed that he chose to repel with Michelle while she was one that really could have used his support. He next pulls Emily aside hoping for a moment’s reprieve. She tells him that she’s starting to like him, but tends to get scared and run when things get serious. That has Brad worried that he’s going to get hurt if he continues to fall for her. And then he meets with Michelle who questions why he’s kept any of the girls around. He sternly tells her that his decisions are his decisions and she has to trust that he’s making the right ones. Exasperated, Brad tells us that his evening with the ladies really didn’t go that well and he’s confused more than ever. So, he tells the women that he needs time to think about things tonight and packs up the date rose and heads back to his villa.
The next day he has a one-on-one date with Chantal. Last week Chantal was an emotional, dramatic mess. This week Brad hopes the fun and feisty Chantal makes a comeback. He picks her up via helicopter for an afternoon of zip lining across the Costa Rican rainforest. After gliding from tree top to tree top, Brad treats Chantal to a riverside picnic. Over glasses of wine, Brad tells Chantal that her emotions in Vegas scared him and hopes that he can see more of her confidant and spunky side. In response, Chantal tells Brad that she’s ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and that today’s date was perfect. And just as it did on their first date, rain began to fall from the sky as he offered her the date rose.
Alli was the next to lucky in Costa Rica as she has her first but the week’s final one-on-one date. Brad ditches the helicopter and picks Alli up on horseback and takes her caving. I’ll agree that most of the dates planned on “The Bachelor” seem pretty fabulous. From hot air balloon rides and private concerts to dinner cruises and shopping sprees, all the dates makes dinner and a movie sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But this particular cave date would have done me in. Brad hands Alli a lantern as they enter into the cave and the first thing Alli sees are bats clinging to the ceiling. Bats just look like rats with wings, and as someone who is neither a fan of wild rats or wild birds, being in pitch darkness with bats would not be the makings of a fun date. Alli yelps and squeals as the bats flap and flutter overhead. Brad tries to calm her by forging them through the cave to the picnic he has set up for them. Over dinner Alli tells Brad that the day’s events are not the usual for her, but it made for an exciting adventure. Then the two struggle to make small talk for the remainder of the meal. In hopes of getting some type conversation going, Brad asks Alli why her last relationship ended. Though she dated her ex for two years, she tells Brad that she just couldn’t picture him as her husband. He was a nice guy, but she just didn’t see him being “the one.” Brad quickly replies, “I know what you mean” and proceeds to giver her the you’re-not-receiving-the-date-rose-speech.
After saying good-bye to Alli, Brad retreats to his villa to relax and have some alone time. Just as he was getting settled for a night of women-free burping and crotch scratching, he gets a knock at the door. When bachelor’s get a knock it usually means one of three things:
A contestant has decided to pull an Ali and leave the show because their job at Facebook is on the line
Chris Harrison is at the door with hard liquor
One of the ladies is hoping for a late night bachelor snack
If you guessed three, you are correct. Brad opens to the door to find Michelle standing there ready to bad mouth the other girls. She lets him know that he made the right decision sending Alli home, but doesn’t feel Chantal is the right woman for him. She goes on to tell Brad she predicts that along with Ashley and Emily, she’ll be one of the last three standing. Brad doesn’t say much in response, but once he kisses her good-bye and walks her out, he tells us that he feels like he’s being pulled in a million directions and Michelle is the largest contributor to that. So, for you future bachelorettes out there, leave the late night door knocking to Chris Harrison and Jim Beam.
Brad arrives to the next night’s cocktail party and tells the women that he’s had a lot to sort out and has caught a lot of grief lately about how he’s handled his roses. With that being said, he seems to have an agenda for the evening so he can sort out his feelings. First, he meets with Emily and they talk about her vulnerability being a good thing and not a thing she should run from. Then he meets with Michelle and tells her she’s scaring him and she has to quit second guessing his rose-giving decisions. After a bout of tears, Michelle tells Brad that she knows she’s supposed to be here and she’s the woman for him. I don’t know what crystal meth ball she’s looking into, but I just don’t think she’s going to be the last ring finger standing.
Next he meets up with Shawntel for what was probably his favorite alone time encounter thus far. She tells him that she’s sick of talking about feelings and suggests they play the silent game which of course ends with a make-out session. So, future bachelorettes out there, silence is golden! Chantal, on the other hand, doesn’t know the secret about silence and spends her pre-rose ceremony alone time professing her love to Brad. She says their date changed how she feels about him and that she loves him and hopes to return to Costa Rica with their little bachelor babies one day. Good thing she already scored a date rose, because bachelors don’t always love baby talk…
Bachelor Brad decides to keep Ashley, Britt, Shawntel, Chantal, Michelle, and Emily which meant Jackie ended up in the reject limo. Next week Brad whisks the girls away to Anguilla for some summer lovin’ on the beach.
Brad sets the women up in a cozy villa over looking a volcano. While the girls enjoy the gorgeous view, a date card arrives for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel, and Britt. Ashley can’t wait to get “down and dirty in the jungle” with Brad. Michelle, on the other hand is still appalled that Shawntel is still in the running and hopes she “gets attacked by monkeys” on their group date. I’ve always heard that group date eating monkeys are particularly dangerous in Costa Rica.
The daters go repelling down a waterfall in the rainforest. Most of the girls are excited to try something new and adventurous, but Jackie, the token acrophobic, is in a panic. Deathly afraid of heights, she cries and freaks out, but eventually repels down the waterfall. Now Brad could have really won us over and elected to repel with her to calm her fears and make her feel safe. But instead, Brad gets on our bad side and decides to go down with Michelle because they made a “pact” on their last date that if they ever went repelling again, they would repel together. As you know, those that repel together might get engaged on national television together.
After everyone made it safely down, they all relaxed around a hot spring. Brad wasted no time getting alone time with the ladies. He first had a chat with Jackie and told her how proud he was of her for conquering her fear of heights. Though gracious of his praises, Jackie was also miffed that he chose to repel with Michelle while she was one that really could have used his support. He next pulls Emily aside hoping for a moment’s reprieve. She tells him that she’s starting to like him, but tends to get scared and run when things get serious. That has Brad worried that he’s going to get hurt if he continues to fall for her. And then he meets with Michelle who questions why he’s kept any of the girls around. He sternly tells her that his decisions are his decisions and she has to trust that he’s making the right ones. Exasperated, Brad tells us that his evening with the ladies really didn’t go that well and he’s confused more than ever. So, he tells the women that he needs time to think about things tonight and packs up the date rose and heads back to his villa.
The next day he has a one-on-one date with Chantal. Last week Chantal was an emotional, dramatic mess. This week Brad hopes the fun and feisty Chantal makes a comeback. He picks her up via helicopter for an afternoon of zip lining across the Costa Rican rainforest. After gliding from tree top to tree top, Brad treats Chantal to a riverside picnic. Over glasses of wine, Brad tells Chantal that her emotions in Vegas scared him and hopes that he can see more of her confidant and spunky side. In response, Chantal tells Brad that she’s ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and that today’s date was perfect. And just as it did on their first date, rain began to fall from the sky as he offered her the date rose.
Alli was the next to lucky in Costa Rica as she has her first but the week’s final one-on-one date. Brad ditches the helicopter and picks Alli up on horseback and takes her caving. I’ll agree that most of the dates planned on “The Bachelor” seem pretty fabulous. From hot air balloon rides and private concerts to dinner cruises and shopping sprees, all the dates makes dinner and a movie sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But this particular cave date would have done me in. Brad hands Alli a lantern as they enter into the cave and the first thing Alli sees are bats clinging to the ceiling. Bats just look like rats with wings, and as someone who is neither a fan of wild rats or wild birds, being in pitch darkness with bats would not be the makings of a fun date. Alli yelps and squeals as the bats flap and flutter overhead. Brad tries to calm her by forging them through the cave to the picnic he has set up for them. Over dinner Alli tells Brad that the day’s events are not the usual for her, but it made for an exciting adventure. Then the two struggle to make small talk for the remainder of the meal. In hopes of getting some type conversation going, Brad asks Alli why her last relationship ended. Though she dated her ex for two years, she tells Brad that she just couldn’t picture him as her husband. He was a nice guy, but she just didn’t see him being “the one.” Brad quickly replies, “I know what you mean” and proceeds to giver her the you’re-not-receiving-the-date-rose-speech.
After saying good-bye to Alli, Brad retreats to his villa to relax and have some alone time. Just as he was getting settled for a night of women-free burping and crotch scratching, he gets a knock at the door. When bachelor’s get a knock it usually means one of three things:
A contestant has decided to pull an Ali and leave the show because their job at Facebook is on the line
Chris Harrison is at the door with hard liquor
One of the ladies is hoping for a late night bachelor snack
If you guessed three, you are correct. Brad opens to the door to find Michelle standing there ready to bad mouth the other girls. She lets him know that he made the right decision sending Alli home, but doesn’t feel Chantal is the right woman for him. She goes on to tell Brad she predicts that along with Ashley and Emily, she’ll be one of the last three standing. Brad doesn’t say much in response, but once he kisses her good-bye and walks her out, he tells us that he feels like he’s being pulled in a million directions and Michelle is the largest contributor to that. So, for you future bachelorettes out there, leave the late night door knocking to Chris Harrison and Jim Beam.
Brad arrives to the next night’s cocktail party and tells the women that he’s had a lot to sort out and has caught a lot of grief lately about how he’s handled his roses. With that being said, he seems to have an agenda for the evening so he can sort out his feelings. First, he meets with Emily and they talk about her vulnerability being a good thing and not a thing she should run from. Then he meets with Michelle and tells her she’s scaring him and she has to quit second guessing his rose-giving decisions. After a bout of tears, Michelle tells Brad that she knows she’s supposed to be here and she’s the woman for him. I don’t know what crystal meth ball she’s looking into, but I just don’t think she’s going to be the last ring finger standing.
Next he meets up with Shawntel for what was probably his favorite alone time encounter thus far. She tells him that she’s sick of talking about feelings and suggests they play the silent game which of course ends with a make-out session. So, future bachelorettes out there, silence is golden! Chantal, on the other hand, doesn’t know the secret about silence and spends her pre-rose ceremony alone time professing her love to Brad. She says their date changed how she feels about him and that she loves him and hopes to return to Costa Rica with their little bachelor babies one day. Good thing she already scored a date rose, because bachelors don’t always love baby talk…
Bachelor Brad decides to keep Ashley, Britt, Shawntel, Chantal, Michelle, and Emily which meant Jackie ended up in the reject limo. Next week Brad whisks the girls away to Anguilla for some summer lovin’ on the beach.
Week 4
My Bachelordar is broken. Do you think that’s something the Geek Squad can fix? Since 2001 I have been able to call the winner or second runner-up just from watching the first episode. And this season I’m defeated. I called Marissa on episode one as the winner, and though she never had a one-on-one, or any commentary interviews, or any alone time during the groups dates, I thought she’d eventually emerge as the season’s dark horse and end up as the last ring finger standing. But she was sent packing and left us with nothing but a teary ride in the reject limo. My picks never leave all teary eyed in the reject limo. My picks end up with engagement rings and then break-up cover stories on Us Weekly. This is new territory and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Maybe Brad will lend me Therapist Jamie’s number…
On a happier note, The Bachelor took his harem of hotties to Las Vegas this week in hopes of putting the sin in Sin City. Brad meets his limo-o-ladies at Aria Hotel where he puts them up in the penthouse suite. After the girls check out the view and tear into the mini-bar, a date card arrives for Shawntel and our first one-on-one of the week begins.
Brad meets Shawntel at the mall. But this shopping trip wasn’t your let’s-get-Orange Julius-and-try-on-boyfriend-jeans-at-The Gap shopping trip. This was the “Pretty Woman” of shopping trips. Brad told Shawntel that she could go into any store and buy anything she wanted. From the looks of the designer shoes and the $5,000 handbag, Shawntel took this shopping spree date very seriously! But the one-on-one didn’t end at the mall – Brad had another surprise later that evening.
Shawntel returns to the girls’ suite with two armloads of packages Other than maybe dating the same guy, nothing will make women more jealous than new purses and shoes. Trying not to make a big deal out of her new designer wardrobe, Shawntel quietly goes upstairs to get ready for her dinner date and tells us that she really wants to use the rest of the night’s date to talk about her job…as an embalmer.
Brad and Shawntel meet up for a romantic candlelit dinner and just as he sinks his pearly white veneers into a bite of steak, Shawntels tells him that she wants to talk about her work at the funeral home. At a loss for words, and appetite, Brad nervously asks her what an embalmer actually does with a human body. Shawntel tells Brad how she makes incisions to “drain the veins” for embalming fluid all while eating her steak. Brad seems intrigued by our resident funeral director and tells her she’s the “hottest embalmer I’ve ever seen.”
After dinner, Brad takes Shawntel to the roof of the Aria Hotel. Now, the last time I watched something that took place on a hotel rooftop in Vegas, a baby, Mike Tyson, and a tiger were involved. Although, Mike Tyson would’ve been an interesting addition to the date, I was relieved when Brad offered Shawntel a rose instead of a ruffie.
The next day a date card arrives for the first group date of the week and to the excitement of most of the girls, Brad takes them NASCAR driving at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But Emily is the exception to date’s excitement. As you recall, Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver and had a career-ending wreck at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Sensing that all is not alright with Emily, Brad pulls her away from the group for a chat. She tells him about Ricky’s past as a race car driver and about his accident on this very track, but that she’s grateful to be here and to have met him. Feeling like a jerk, Brad apologizes for his date idea and lets her know that she doesn’t have to drive the car if it’s too painful. Deciding it would be therapeutic to drive, Emily suits up, straps in, and starts to let go of her painful past making it a victory lap indeed.
After the racetrack, the group date retires to the pool for some crying and feelings of jealousy. Brad pulls Emily aside three times that night to make sure she’s ok and that she still wants to be here. Thinking he’s acting like a concerned gentlemen, Brad’s actually been pissing off every other girl on the date. An emotional Alli is the first to tell him that she dosen’t feel special like he makes Emily feel. A crying Chantal keeps referring to the evening as “Emily’s date.” And Michelle yanks him away from the group to tell him how immature all the other girls are. But, there’s something about Emily and on his third and final alone time with her of the date, he offers the date rose and tells her he’s falling for her.
The next night is a difficult date for Bachelor Brad. It’s the ever-awkward three-on-one. And this week it’s with both Ashleys. Convinced that he cares deeply for both girls, Brad feels utterly confused going into the evening’s date. He thinks Ashley S. is stunning and “gets lost” in her eyes, but feels a strong and real connection with Ashley H. He takes the girls to see Cirque du Soleil Viva Elvis, but they weren’t going to be spectators – the winner of the date would be performing in the show along with Brad. Each girl rehearses the number, which is set to The King’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” After the rehearsal, they sit down for dinner where the presence of the date rose and the promise of good-bye ruin any chance of appetite or dinner conversation. After little hesitation, Brad chooses Ashley H. And as the two glide around on stage in Vegas, Ashley S. is left feeling lonesome that night.
This week’s cocktail party was the most depressing cocktail party in Bachelor history. All the girls were nervous, emotional wrecks. Trying to calm the mood, Brad tells his gaggle of girls that there have been a lot of tears and emotions this week, but he likes to hear how everyone is feeling because he’s here to find his wife. Chantal is first to snatch Brad away for some alone time, crying, and accidental usage of the “L” word.
After recovering from his chat with Chantal, Brad tells us that it bothered him that Alli didn’t feel special, so he hoped a small gesture would remedy her insecure feelings.
He whisked her upstairs and surprised her with champagne and a tiny green cake that reminded him of the green dress she wore the first night of the season. Nice memory, ABC producer! Though it was thoughtful, Brad seemed very rushed and hurried during their mini-one-on-one. I think he may like Alli, but she isn’t captivating him like Emily and Michelle seem to be.
Speaking of Michelle.... Because she hasn’t had much alone time with Brad in Vegas, she steals him from the party, pushes him down in a chair, and says, “You have some really big decisions to make. A lot of the girls here don’t realize what they have in front of them. I’m different. Keep that in mind.” Then she forces her tongue down his throat and demands he “sends some girls home.” I think he keeps her around because he’s scared for his life.
And so now we have the rose ceremony. If the rose ceremony is the NCAA tournament, and Marissa is the University of Kentucky, then Brad is Duke and my bracket is busted. Marissa and Lisa went home, which seemed unfair since neither girl seemed to ever get alone time with Brad. But love isn’t always fair, nor is reality television. Or college basketball. Duke sucks.
On a happier note, The Bachelor took his harem of hotties to Las Vegas this week in hopes of putting the sin in Sin City. Brad meets his limo-o-ladies at Aria Hotel where he puts them up in the penthouse suite. After the girls check out the view and tear into the mini-bar, a date card arrives for Shawntel and our first one-on-one of the week begins.
Brad meets Shawntel at the mall. But this shopping trip wasn’t your let’s-get-Orange Julius-and-try-on-boyfriend-jeans-at-The Gap shopping trip. This was the “Pretty Woman” of shopping trips. Brad told Shawntel that she could go into any store and buy anything she wanted. From the looks of the designer shoes and the $5,000 handbag, Shawntel took this shopping spree date very seriously! But the one-on-one didn’t end at the mall – Brad had another surprise later that evening.
Shawntel returns to the girls’ suite with two armloads of packages Other than maybe dating the same guy, nothing will make women more jealous than new purses and shoes. Trying not to make a big deal out of her new designer wardrobe, Shawntel quietly goes upstairs to get ready for her dinner date and tells us that she really wants to use the rest of the night’s date to talk about her job…as an embalmer.
Brad and Shawntel meet up for a romantic candlelit dinner and just as he sinks his pearly white veneers into a bite of steak, Shawntels tells him that she wants to talk about her work at the funeral home. At a loss for words, and appetite, Brad nervously asks her what an embalmer actually does with a human body. Shawntel tells Brad how she makes incisions to “drain the veins” for embalming fluid all while eating her steak. Brad seems intrigued by our resident funeral director and tells her she’s the “hottest embalmer I’ve ever seen.”
After dinner, Brad takes Shawntel to the roof of the Aria Hotel. Now, the last time I watched something that took place on a hotel rooftop in Vegas, a baby, Mike Tyson, and a tiger were involved. Although, Mike Tyson would’ve been an interesting addition to the date, I was relieved when Brad offered Shawntel a rose instead of a ruffie.
The next day a date card arrives for the first group date of the week and to the excitement of most of the girls, Brad takes them NASCAR driving at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But Emily is the exception to date’s excitement. As you recall, Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver and had a career-ending wreck at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Sensing that all is not alright with Emily, Brad pulls her away from the group for a chat. She tells him about Ricky’s past as a race car driver and about his accident on this very track, but that she’s grateful to be here and to have met him. Feeling like a jerk, Brad apologizes for his date idea and lets her know that she doesn’t have to drive the car if it’s too painful. Deciding it would be therapeutic to drive, Emily suits up, straps in, and starts to let go of her painful past making it a victory lap indeed.
After the racetrack, the group date retires to the pool for some crying and feelings of jealousy. Brad pulls Emily aside three times that night to make sure she’s ok and that she still wants to be here. Thinking he’s acting like a concerned gentlemen, Brad’s actually been pissing off every other girl on the date. An emotional Alli is the first to tell him that she dosen’t feel special like he makes Emily feel. A crying Chantal keeps referring to the evening as “Emily’s date.” And Michelle yanks him away from the group to tell him how immature all the other girls are. But, there’s something about Emily and on his third and final alone time with her of the date, he offers the date rose and tells her he’s falling for her.
The next night is a difficult date for Bachelor Brad. It’s the ever-awkward three-on-one. And this week it’s with both Ashleys. Convinced that he cares deeply for both girls, Brad feels utterly confused going into the evening’s date. He thinks Ashley S. is stunning and “gets lost” in her eyes, but feels a strong and real connection with Ashley H. He takes the girls to see Cirque du Soleil Viva Elvis, but they weren’t going to be spectators – the winner of the date would be performing in the show along with Brad. Each girl rehearses the number, which is set to The King’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” After the rehearsal, they sit down for dinner where the presence of the date rose and the promise of good-bye ruin any chance of appetite or dinner conversation. After little hesitation, Brad chooses Ashley H. And as the two glide around on stage in Vegas, Ashley S. is left feeling lonesome that night.
This week’s cocktail party was the most depressing cocktail party in Bachelor history. All the girls were nervous, emotional wrecks. Trying to calm the mood, Brad tells his gaggle of girls that there have been a lot of tears and emotions this week, but he likes to hear how everyone is feeling because he’s here to find his wife. Chantal is first to snatch Brad away for some alone time, crying, and accidental usage of the “L” word.
After recovering from his chat with Chantal, Brad tells us that it bothered him that Alli didn’t feel special, so he hoped a small gesture would remedy her insecure feelings.
He whisked her upstairs and surprised her with champagne and a tiny green cake that reminded him of the green dress she wore the first night of the season. Nice memory, ABC producer! Though it was thoughtful, Brad seemed very rushed and hurried during their mini-one-on-one. I think he may like Alli, but she isn’t captivating him like Emily and Michelle seem to be.
Speaking of Michelle.... Because she hasn’t had much alone time with Brad in Vegas, she steals him from the party, pushes him down in a chair, and says, “You have some really big decisions to make. A lot of the girls here don’t realize what they have in front of them. I’m different. Keep that in mind.” Then she forces her tongue down his throat and demands he “sends some girls home.” I think he keeps her around because he’s scared for his life.
And so now we have the rose ceremony. If the rose ceremony is the NCAA tournament, and Marissa is the University of Kentucky, then Brad is Duke and my bracket is busted. Marissa and Lisa went home, which seemed unfair since neither girl seemed to ever get alone time with Brad. But love isn’t always fair, nor is reality television. Or college basketball. Duke sucks.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Week 3 - "I hate group dates."
Week three opens with a friendly greeting courtsey of Michelle that went a little something like this: "Brad needs to be with a woman like me. Not these other girls. I'm not gonna lie; I hate them." I hope you other girls keep a close eye on who's pouring the wine spritzers if you catch my drift. Michelle definitely has a "I'd poison your drink with antifreeze" look about her. And Michelle's hatred is further fueled when the next one-on-one date card arrives and it's addressed to Ashley S.
Brad takes Ashley S. to Capitol Records to record a duet of none other than Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." A native North Carolinian, Ashley tells us, "My accent might be kind of charming, but my singing voice is terrible." Well Ashley, you may be from Dixie and you're a chick, but you certainly are no Dixie Chick. No one will ever accuse her of being on "The Bachelor" in hopes of furthering her singing career. After a wretched recording that makes "Real Housewife" Kim Zolciak sound on pitch, Brad and Ashley decide they're better off lip-syncing and are treated to a private performance by Seal. Afterwards the pair retreat to the Capitol Records rooftop for some champagne and chit-chat. Ashley opens up to Brad about her the untimely death of her father who died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. She also tells Brad that this date was especially meaningful because "Kiss From a Rose" was her father's favorite song. Appreciative that Ashley is opening up to him, Brad tells her what a perfect first date they had and the two go from a "Kiss From a Rose" to a rose for a kiss. And Ashley, who already feels herself falling for Brad, accepts the date rose...and the kiss!
Back at the mansion Michelle isn't taking it well that she's about to be subjected to yet another group date and tells us, "What really hurts is being on a group date. I hate group dates." Michelle, it's "The Bachelor," no group date is ever that bad and they almost always end with the Bachelor half naked in a hottub. I've yet to see a group date that's involved a Cici's Pizza Buffet followed by a root canal. And until that's the case, quit yo bitchin'!
The dreaded group date, as it turns out, is a trip to a movie set to shoot an action flick. A group of professional stunt doubles work with the girls on how to throw fake punches and choreograph fight scenes. Though he thought all the girls were kicking butt this date, Brad seemed to have his eye on Shawntel and she was chosen to be in the movie's closing scene which of course invloved a car explosion and lots of kissing. Jealous, Michelle tells us that she wishes Shawntel would be kidnapped and dumped in the desert. Nevada PD, if you're reading this, maybe you should do a missing person's report and let out the cadaver dogs. Stat.
After the shoot, Brad takes his harem poolside for a wrap party where he wastes no time popping open the bubbly and the girls waste no time breaking out the bikinis. Chantal is the first to get some alone time with Brad and how does she spend it? Crying and talking about her divorce. If there are two things that are bachelor buzzkill it's crying and the word "divorce." Because he does seem to be a nice guy, Brad cuddles and comforts Chantal, but when she says, "I Iike you," he replies, "You too." Yes, the 'ol "You too." Unless you're casually telling someone to have a nice day, "You too" is never a promising response.
Next up for some hottub time is Alli. But, just as she and Brad were starting to talk about failed past relationships, in saunters Michelle who successfully steals Brad away. Though aware of Michelle's theivery ways, Brad tells us that "she could steal him away any night of the week." Shoot! She may be more of a frontrunner than I've been suspecting. But, he gives Shawntel the date rose and acts genuinely nervous while doing so. The date ends with everyone in the hottub watching their action movie appropiately titled "Love Hurts."
Emily from North Carolina is next on deck for a one-on-one date. Brad picks Emily up in his silver convertible and takes her to an airplane hangar where they board a private plane and fly to a vineyard in Santa Maria, CA. Over glasses of chardonnay, Brad tries to get Emily to open up, but she seems hesistant and resistant. Deflecting all his questions, Brad doesn't quite know how to read her. After a vineyard tour, he leads her into a barn for a romantic candlelit dinner. And over more glasses of chardonnay, Emily shares with Brad the "darkest period of her life," the death of her fiance. Emily was just 18 when her finance died in a plane crash en route to a car race. Days after his death, she found out she was pregnant with his daugher. Though a bit stunned by the seriousness of her story, Brad seems genuinely sorry for Emily's lost and even more interested in hearing about her five year old daughter. He tells Emily, "I like you a lot. I mean a lot." And then offers her the date rose.
The next night is rose ceremony and Brad seems to be having his best time yet at a cocktail party. He first meets with Alli where he hears about her trust issues that stem from her father's indefilty. He eases her mind by saying that he's never cheated on a girlfriend and agrees that trust is a huge factor in relationships and they kiss. He's then stolen away by Michelle who tells him how jealous she is that he's kissing other girls, so to ease her mind, he kisses her. Next he's off to find Chantal to apologize for not opening to her the other night in the hottub the way she opened up with him. And they kiss. Three kisses and it wasn't even fantasy date week - I'd say this was his best cocktail party yet!
But the tides begin to turn when he sits down to chat with Madison. We knew things were going to get serious when she took out her fangs. Madison tells Brad that she came on the show with walls up and feels like a lot of the girls really have their hearts on the line and she's thinking about leaving. A little put off, Brad encourages her not to accept a rose if she really doesn't want to be here. Well, as it turns, Madison didn't. Before Brad gave out his second rose of the ceremony, Madison walks off. Brad excuses himself and tries to figure out what's going on in that vampire head of hers. She tells him, "I wouldn't feel right if I stayed and another girl went home." Admiring her reason, Brad wishes her luck and the two part on amicable terms. Madison was more of a Team Edward kind of girl anyway.
So, Michelle, Chantal, Shawntel, Lisa, Jackie, Ashley H, Ashley S, Britt, Alli, Lindsey, Megan, Stacy and my pick Marissa all return next week. And speaking of next week - Michelle wakes up with a black eye! Monday, you can't get here fast enough!
Brad takes Ashley S. to Capitol Records to record a duet of none other than Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." A native North Carolinian, Ashley tells us, "My accent might be kind of charming, but my singing voice is terrible." Well Ashley, you may be from Dixie and you're a chick, but you certainly are no Dixie Chick. No one will ever accuse her of being on "The Bachelor" in hopes of furthering her singing career. After a wretched recording that makes "Real Housewife" Kim Zolciak sound on pitch, Brad and Ashley decide they're better off lip-syncing and are treated to a private performance by Seal. Afterwards the pair retreat to the Capitol Records rooftop for some champagne and chit-chat. Ashley opens up to Brad about her the untimely death of her father who died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. She also tells Brad that this date was especially meaningful because "Kiss From a Rose" was her father's favorite song. Appreciative that Ashley is opening up to him, Brad tells her what a perfect first date they had and the two go from a "Kiss From a Rose" to a rose for a kiss. And Ashley, who already feels herself falling for Brad, accepts the date rose...and the kiss!
Back at the mansion Michelle isn't taking it well that she's about to be subjected to yet another group date and tells us, "What really hurts is being on a group date. I hate group dates." Michelle, it's "The Bachelor," no group date is ever that bad and they almost always end with the Bachelor half naked in a hottub. I've yet to see a group date that's involved a Cici's Pizza Buffet followed by a root canal. And until that's the case, quit yo bitchin'!
The dreaded group date, as it turns out, is a trip to a movie set to shoot an action flick. A group of professional stunt doubles work with the girls on how to throw fake punches and choreograph fight scenes. Though he thought all the girls were kicking butt this date, Brad seemed to have his eye on Shawntel and she was chosen to be in the movie's closing scene which of course invloved a car explosion and lots of kissing. Jealous, Michelle tells us that she wishes Shawntel would be kidnapped and dumped in the desert. Nevada PD, if you're reading this, maybe you should do a missing person's report and let out the cadaver dogs. Stat.
After the shoot, Brad takes his harem poolside for a wrap party where he wastes no time popping open the bubbly and the girls waste no time breaking out the bikinis. Chantal is the first to get some alone time with Brad and how does she spend it? Crying and talking about her divorce. If there are two things that are bachelor buzzkill it's crying and the word "divorce." Because he does seem to be a nice guy, Brad cuddles and comforts Chantal, but when she says, "I Iike you," he replies, "You too." Yes, the 'ol "You too." Unless you're casually telling someone to have a nice day, "You too" is never a promising response.
Next up for some hottub time is Alli. But, just as she and Brad were starting to talk about failed past relationships, in saunters Michelle who successfully steals Brad away. Though aware of Michelle's theivery ways, Brad tells us that "she could steal him away any night of the week." Shoot! She may be more of a frontrunner than I've been suspecting. But, he gives Shawntel the date rose and acts genuinely nervous while doing so. The date ends with everyone in the hottub watching their action movie appropiately titled "Love Hurts."
Emily from North Carolina is next on deck for a one-on-one date. Brad picks Emily up in his silver convertible and takes her to an airplane hangar where they board a private plane and fly to a vineyard in Santa Maria, CA. Over glasses of chardonnay, Brad tries to get Emily to open up, but she seems hesistant and resistant. Deflecting all his questions, Brad doesn't quite know how to read her. After a vineyard tour, he leads her into a barn for a romantic candlelit dinner. And over more glasses of chardonnay, Emily shares with Brad the "darkest period of her life," the death of her fiance. Emily was just 18 when her finance died in a plane crash en route to a car race. Days after his death, she found out she was pregnant with his daugher. Though a bit stunned by the seriousness of her story, Brad seems genuinely sorry for Emily's lost and even more interested in hearing about her five year old daughter. He tells Emily, "I like you a lot. I mean a lot." And then offers her the date rose.
The next night is rose ceremony and Brad seems to be having his best time yet at a cocktail party. He first meets with Alli where he hears about her trust issues that stem from her father's indefilty. He eases her mind by saying that he's never cheated on a girlfriend and agrees that trust is a huge factor in relationships and they kiss. He's then stolen away by Michelle who tells him how jealous she is that he's kissing other girls, so to ease her mind, he kisses her. Next he's off to find Chantal to apologize for not opening to her the other night in the hottub the way she opened up with him. And they kiss. Three kisses and it wasn't even fantasy date week - I'd say this was his best cocktail party yet!
But the tides begin to turn when he sits down to chat with Madison. We knew things were going to get serious when she took out her fangs. Madison tells Brad that she came on the show with walls up and feels like a lot of the girls really have their hearts on the line and she's thinking about leaving. A little put off, Brad encourages her not to accept a rose if she really doesn't want to be here. Well, as it turns, Madison didn't. Before Brad gave out his second rose of the ceremony, Madison walks off. Brad excuses himself and tries to figure out what's going on in that vampire head of hers. She tells him, "I wouldn't feel right if I stayed and another girl went home." Admiring her reason, Brad wishes her luck and the two part on amicable terms. Madison was more of a Team Edward kind of girl anyway.
So, Michelle, Chantal, Shawntel, Lisa, Jackie, Ashley H, Ashley S, Britt, Alli, Lindsey, Megan, Stacy and my pick Marissa all return next week. And speaking of next week - Michelle wakes up with a black eye! Monday, you can't get here fast enough!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Week 2 - "Did you get the memo? It's my birthday."
Week two was a night of firsts for our second time around bachelor. Brad had his first one-on-one date, first group date, and Michelle celebrated her first 30th birthday. Something tells me she's one of those that plans on turning 30 for the next five years...
Last night's episode started out in the mansion where all the girls were sitting around in their Victoria's Secret sweat pants and side ponies awaiting the arrival of the season's first date card. Melissa, the waitress from Florida, tells us she's wanted to be a contestant on "The Bachelor" for eight years and, despite having to quit her job, spent a fortune on dresses and gowns for the show. So you can imagine her disappointment when the date card is opened and it's Ashley H.'s name printed on the front.
Later that evening Ashley H., the perky little dentist from Philadelphia, meets Bachelor Brad at the bottom of the mansion staircase wearing a dress reminiscent of the lacy swan Bjork wrapped herself in for the 2001 Oscars. Brad must have had on his bachelor goggles as he tells the oral hygiene hottie how beautiful she looks. After bidding adieu to her fellow bachelorettes, Brad drives Ashley down a dark and windy wooded trail. Just when she thinks this is about to turn into an episode of "48 Hours Mystery," they stumble upon a giant voltage switch. Brad lets Ashley do the honors and when the switch is flipped, a carnival lights up complete with a tilt-a-whirl and ferris wheel. Running around like 15 year olds that have just been ungrounded, the two play ring toss, eat cotton candy, and make-out in the photo booth. Brad tells us, "I've met a girl right off the bat that I can just be myself with." They bond over the fact that both of them grew up with absentee fathers and feel the need for stability in their lives. Brad says to Ashley that she makes it easy for him to open up and talk, thus he presents her with the season's first date rose. Ashley readily accepts and then the two take their make-out session to the ferris wheel. Which reminds me, "Fear" was just added to Netflix Instant Play.
The next day is a big one at the mansion - it's Michelle's birthday! But it's not just Michelle's birthday, it's her 30th birthday. Not her 29th or 31st, as she tells us, but her 30th! And on the big 3-0 the producers of ABC's "The Bachelor" surprise her with a date with Brad and 15 other girls! Turning 30 is the best! After hearing her name on the group date's roster, Michelle tells us, "People are going to piss me off today. I just know it." I love it when birthday girls are on "The Bachelor."
For the season's first group date, Brad takes the girls to a studio where they'll shoot PSAs promoting blood donation for the American Red Cross. OMG - this is obviously the perfect group date for Madison! Madison, as you recall, is the girl with fangs. But what would've been Fangs' big moment is overshadowed by birthday girl Michelle. After watching Brad willingly participate in kissing scenes with several of the girls, Michelle has had enough and tell us, "this isn't how I pictured celebrating my 30th birthday," and runs off in a huff. Bachelor Brad finds her pouting backstage and after a strained pep talk, gets her to rejoin the date.
After the PSA shoot, Brad takes the ladies to a rooftop wrap party at the swanky Roosevelt Hotel. After toasting to a drama-free evening, Brad whisks Melissa away for some alone time. Melissa, as you recall, is the one who told us earlier this episode that its basically been her dream to be on "The Bachelor" and sold all her possessions to make it come true. So, we knew she wasn't going to come off as desperate when she finally had alone time with our bachelor. The first thing Melissa tells Brad is how spontaneous she is. In bachelorettese, "spontaneous" actually means "Short of a three-way, I'll do anything to get your attention." In past seasons "spontaneous" has meant skinny-dipping, running into the ocean fully clothed, and secret late night visits to the bachelor's sleeping quarters. We all know this isn't Brad's first rodeo, so he's on to Michelle's spontaneous talk and cuts their alone time short.
Next up for alone time is the birthday girl, who by now is hammered. Slurry-tongued and glossy-eyed, Michelle tells Brad that he has walls up and she wants to "peel off all the layers." Michelle, you're drunk, you're 30, you're on "The Bachelor." The only thing you want to peel off are Brad's clothes...amiright! And probably because Michelle was drunk and 30, she was offered the evening's date rose.
Back at Girl Scout camp, the final date card of the episode is delivered for Jackie, the artist from New York. Brad picks his date up in a shiny silver convertible and takes her to a hotel for a couple's spa treatment. After an afternoon of facial masks and mud baths, Brad surprises Jackie with a romantic dinner on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. During dinner we learn that Jackie has only had two serious boyfriends which worries the bachelor that this situation may be too risky for her. Jackie assures Brad that she wants to be here as long as he does, and with that she's offered the date rose. After accepting, the couple is rewarded with a private concert from Train. Hey soul sister!
Two one-on-ones and a group date later it's finally rose ceremony time! Before Brad hands out his roses, Chris Harrison surprises everyone with two special members of "The Bachelor" family; Ali and Sexy Roberto! As a former bachelorette, Ali is highly qualified to help Brad weed out some of the girls that may be there for the ever-popular wrong reason. Ali and Roberto sit down with each and of the girls for a quick interview and unanimously decide that Emily from North Carolina should be awarded the extra rose of the evening.
So, among those returning next week are our date rose recipients Ashley H., Birthday Girl Melissa, Jackie, and Emily. Also making the cut are once again both Shawntel and Chantal, Fangs, and my pick, Marissa! Tune in next week to see Brad's reaction to Emily's dark past and see who decides to head home before the rose ceremony.
Last night's episode started out in the mansion where all the girls were sitting around in their Victoria's Secret sweat pants and side ponies awaiting the arrival of the season's first date card. Melissa, the waitress from Florida, tells us she's wanted to be a contestant on "The Bachelor" for eight years and, despite having to quit her job, spent a fortune on dresses and gowns for the show. So you can imagine her disappointment when the date card is opened and it's Ashley H.'s name printed on the front.
Later that evening Ashley H., the perky little dentist from Philadelphia, meets Bachelor Brad at the bottom of the mansion staircase wearing a dress reminiscent of the lacy swan Bjork wrapped herself in for the 2001 Oscars. Brad must have had on his bachelor goggles as he tells the oral hygiene hottie how beautiful she looks. After bidding adieu to her fellow bachelorettes, Brad drives Ashley down a dark and windy wooded trail. Just when she thinks this is about to turn into an episode of "48 Hours Mystery," they stumble upon a giant voltage switch. Brad lets Ashley do the honors and when the switch is flipped, a carnival lights up complete with a tilt-a-whirl and ferris wheel. Running around like 15 year olds that have just been ungrounded, the two play ring toss, eat cotton candy, and make-out in the photo booth. Brad tells us, "I've met a girl right off the bat that I can just be myself with." They bond over the fact that both of them grew up with absentee fathers and feel the need for stability in their lives. Brad says to Ashley that she makes it easy for him to open up and talk, thus he presents her with the season's first date rose. Ashley readily accepts and then the two take their make-out session to the ferris wheel. Which reminds me, "Fear" was just added to Netflix Instant Play.
The next day is a big one at the mansion - it's Michelle's birthday! But it's not just Michelle's birthday, it's her 30th birthday. Not her 29th or 31st, as she tells us, but her 30th! And on the big 3-0 the producers of ABC's "The Bachelor" surprise her with a date with Brad and 15 other girls! Turning 30 is the best! After hearing her name on the group date's roster, Michelle tells us, "People are going to piss me off today. I just know it." I love it when birthday girls are on "The Bachelor."
For the season's first group date, Brad takes the girls to a studio where they'll shoot PSAs promoting blood donation for the American Red Cross. OMG - this is obviously the perfect group date for Madison! Madison, as you recall, is the girl with fangs. But what would've been Fangs' big moment is overshadowed by birthday girl Michelle. After watching Brad willingly participate in kissing scenes with several of the girls, Michelle has had enough and tell us, "this isn't how I pictured celebrating my 30th birthday," and runs off in a huff. Bachelor Brad finds her pouting backstage and after a strained pep talk, gets her to rejoin the date.
After the PSA shoot, Brad takes the ladies to a rooftop wrap party at the swanky Roosevelt Hotel. After toasting to a drama-free evening, Brad whisks Melissa away for some alone time. Melissa, as you recall, is the one who told us earlier this episode that its basically been her dream to be on "The Bachelor" and sold all her possessions to make it come true. So, we knew she wasn't going to come off as desperate when she finally had alone time with our bachelor. The first thing Melissa tells Brad is how spontaneous she is. In bachelorettese, "spontaneous" actually means "Short of a three-way, I'll do anything to get your attention." In past seasons "spontaneous" has meant skinny-dipping, running into the ocean fully clothed, and secret late night visits to the bachelor's sleeping quarters. We all know this isn't Brad's first rodeo, so he's on to Michelle's spontaneous talk and cuts their alone time short.
Next up for alone time is the birthday girl, who by now is hammered. Slurry-tongued and glossy-eyed, Michelle tells Brad that he has walls up and she wants to "peel off all the layers." Michelle, you're drunk, you're 30, you're on "The Bachelor." The only thing you want to peel off are Brad's clothes...amiright! And probably because Michelle was drunk and 30, she was offered the evening's date rose.
Back at Girl Scout camp, the final date card of the episode is delivered for Jackie, the artist from New York. Brad picks his date up in a shiny silver convertible and takes her to a hotel for a couple's spa treatment. After an afternoon of facial masks and mud baths, Brad surprises Jackie with a romantic dinner on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. During dinner we learn that Jackie has only had two serious boyfriends which worries the bachelor that this situation may be too risky for her. Jackie assures Brad that she wants to be here as long as he does, and with that she's offered the date rose. After accepting, the couple is rewarded with a private concert from Train. Hey soul sister!
Two one-on-ones and a group date later it's finally rose ceremony time! Before Brad hands out his roses, Chris Harrison surprises everyone with two special members of "The Bachelor" family; Ali and Sexy Roberto! As a former bachelorette, Ali is highly qualified to help Brad weed out some of the girls that may be there for the ever-popular wrong reason. Ali and Roberto sit down with each and of the girls for a quick interview and unanimously decide that Emily from North Carolina should be awarded the extra rose of the evening.
So, among those returning next week are our date rose recipients Ashley H., Birthday Girl Melissa, Jackie, and Emily. Also making the cut are once again both Shawntel and Chantal, Fangs, and my pick, Marissa! Tune in next week to see Brad's reaction to Emily's dark past and see who decides to head home before the rose ceremony.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Bachelor - Week 1 "Don't screw this up!"
Welcome Bachelor fans to what Chris Harrison is already calling “the most shocking season in Bachelor history.” And with a mortician, a girl with fangs, and a few single moms thrown in the mix, it may actually earn the moniker. This season brings us a handsomely familiar face, Brad Womack. True Bachelor followers may remember the studly Texan from a few seasons back as the bachelor that couldn’t make a decision and let both women go at the show’s finale. Well, three years of therapy later Brad is back and better than ever. He’s worked through his trust and commitment issues, canceled his Match.com profile and is ready to plunge into the hot tub of love and give out some roses…for real this time!
Before Bachelor Brad meets his bevy of beauties, Chris Harrison sits down with him to get the scoop on his changed ways. Brad 2.0 tells us that his barriers have been broken down and he’s completely ready to commit. He tells Chris that he’s excited to be back and really feels that he’ll find his future wife this time around. Bachelor Jake and Bachelorette Ali must have worn Chris Harrison out, because the only advice he could muster for Brad was, “Don’t screw this up.” Just as Bachelor Brad is getting ready to meet his prospects, Chris Harrison pulls a fast one on him and brings out Deanna and Jenny, the two bachelorettes he jilted round one. Shocked, stunned, and probably a little scared, Bachelor Brad graciously greets the girls and offers a sincere apology and tells them because of what happened that season, he’s been able to get help and become a better person, and ultimately a better bachelor. And becoming a better bachelor is really what life is all about. Both Deanna and Jenny seem skeptical that he’ll be able to make a decision at the end and propose, but nonetheless wish him well and then flaunt their engagement rings as they make their exits. Psst, Brad, between you and me, I think you dodged some real bullets with those two…
But Brad’s chat with Chris Harrison won’t be the only time he’ll relive his Bachelor past this episode. In group of 30 single women chances are most of them have seen Brad’s infamous season and even better are the chances of 30 single women having stern opinions on how the season ended. As it turns only three of them had no idea who he was. The other 27? Here’s a smattering of their reactions upon meeting our bachelor:
On behalf women everywhere, Shawntel from Seattle slaps Brad across the face. Kimberly from North Carolina tells him she has real concerns about his commitment to being on the show. Red headed Lindsey wondered if he’s really changed. Jackie from New York made him pinky swear that he wouldn’t break her heart and Jill from Texas simply said, “I’m ready to get married.” I hope Brad was able to take a swig of some hard, hard liquor before going into that first cocktail party.
But the questions about his previous bachelor experience didn’t let up. Everywhere he turned there was a broad in a satin gown chirping at him about proposing, committing, and falling in love. After that display, I don’t know how ABC will be able to cast another bachelor ever again. But then Brad met Ashley from New York. During their alone time, Ashley didn’t grill him on his past decisions and the two just had normal, first date conversation. Not surprisingly, it was also Ashley that nabbed the First Impression Rose. But Ashley had some competition for that coveted first rose. Once the girls know about the First Impression Rose, all reason and self-respect go out the mansion window. Keltie (yes, you read that correctly) is a former Rockette and taught Brad a few high-kicks. Raichel the Manscaper waxed a portion of Brad’s wrist. He met Madison the piece with fangs and though finding them oddly hot, he told her if she’s here to play around then she should leave. And then Jackie, claiming that she had nothing prepared, belted out a song she wrote about being on the show. Once again, how does ABC do it? Finding a guy brave enough to do this season after season after season…
The First Impression Rose must have whetted Brad’s appetite to give out more roses because after what seemed like the shortest cocktail party in Bachelor history, it was rose ceremony time. Among the 20 that we’ll see next week are single moms Michelle and Emily, both Shawntel and Chantel, Fangs, and Manscaper Raichel. And my early pick to be the frontrunner, Marissa the sports publicist from Florida. Among those taking the reject limo back to LAX, Lisa P. who was really ready to find her husband, Lauren who thinks Brad is missing out on woman with a great personality, and Brittnee who thought it would really work out this time.
Well, Brad you made it through yet another first episode of “The Bachelor” and if the previews hold true with the black eye scene, teary confrontations, and the alluding sound bites that Brad may end up alone, again, at the end, this may actually be the “most socking season yet.”
Before Bachelor Brad meets his bevy of beauties, Chris Harrison sits down with him to get the scoop on his changed ways. Brad 2.0 tells us that his barriers have been broken down and he’s completely ready to commit. He tells Chris that he’s excited to be back and really feels that he’ll find his future wife this time around. Bachelor Jake and Bachelorette Ali must have worn Chris Harrison out, because the only advice he could muster for Brad was, “Don’t screw this up.” Just as Bachelor Brad is getting ready to meet his prospects, Chris Harrison pulls a fast one on him and brings out Deanna and Jenny, the two bachelorettes he jilted round one. Shocked, stunned, and probably a little scared, Bachelor Brad graciously greets the girls and offers a sincere apology and tells them because of what happened that season, he’s been able to get help and become a better person, and ultimately a better bachelor. And becoming a better bachelor is really what life is all about. Both Deanna and Jenny seem skeptical that he’ll be able to make a decision at the end and propose, but nonetheless wish him well and then flaunt their engagement rings as they make their exits. Psst, Brad, between you and me, I think you dodged some real bullets with those two…
But Brad’s chat with Chris Harrison won’t be the only time he’ll relive his Bachelor past this episode. In group of 30 single women chances are most of them have seen Brad’s infamous season and even better are the chances of 30 single women having stern opinions on how the season ended. As it turns only three of them had no idea who he was. The other 27? Here’s a smattering of their reactions upon meeting our bachelor:
On behalf women everywhere, Shawntel from Seattle slaps Brad across the face. Kimberly from North Carolina tells him she has real concerns about his commitment to being on the show. Red headed Lindsey wondered if he’s really changed. Jackie from New York made him pinky swear that he wouldn’t break her heart and Jill from Texas simply said, “I’m ready to get married.” I hope Brad was able to take a swig of some hard, hard liquor before going into that first cocktail party.
But the questions about his previous bachelor experience didn’t let up. Everywhere he turned there was a broad in a satin gown chirping at him about proposing, committing, and falling in love. After that display, I don’t know how ABC will be able to cast another bachelor ever again. But then Brad met Ashley from New York. During their alone time, Ashley didn’t grill him on his past decisions and the two just had normal, first date conversation. Not surprisingly, it was also Ashley that nabbed the First Impression Rose. But Ashley had some competition for that coveted first rose. Once the girls know about the First Impression Rose, all reason and self-respect go out the mansion window. Keltie (yes, you read that correctly) is a former Rockette and taught Brad a few high-kicks. Raichel the Manscaper waxed a portion of Brad’s wrist. He met Madison the piece with fangs and though finding them oddly hot, he told her if she’s here to play around then she should leave. And then Jackie, claiming that she had nothing prepared, belted out a song she wrote about being on the show. Once again, how does ABC do it? Finding a guy brave enough to do this season after season after season…
The First Impression Rose must have whetted Brad’s appetite to give out more roses because after what seemed like the shortest cocktail party in Bachelor history, it was rose ceremony time. Among the 20 that we’ll see next week are single moms Michelle and Emily, both Shawntel and Chantel, Fangs, and Manscaper Raichel. And my early pick to be the frontrunner, Marissa the sports publicist from Florida. Among those taking the reject limo back to LAX, Lisa P. who was really ready to find her husband, Lauren who thinks Brad is missing out on woman with a great personality, and Brittnee who thought it would really work out this time.
Well, Brad you made it through yet another first episode of “The Bachelor” and if the previews hold true with the black eye scene, teary confrontations, and the alluding sound bites that Brad may end up alone, again, at the end, this may actually be the “most socking season yet.”
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