Week 4

My Bachelordar is broken. Do you think that’s something the Geek Squad can fix? Since 2001 I have been able to call the winner or second runner-up just from watching the first episode. And this season I’m defeated. I called Marissa on episode one as the winner, and though she never had a one-on-one, or any commentary interviews, or any alone time during the groups dates, I thought she’d eventually emerge as the season’s dark horse and end up as the last ring finger standing. But she was sent packing and left us with nothing but a teary ride in the reject limo. My picks never leave all teary eyed in the reject limo. My picks end up with engagement rings and then break-up cover stories on Us Weekly. This is new territory and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Maybe Brad will lend me Therapist Jamie’s number…

On a happier note, The Bachelor took his harem of hotties to Las Vegas this week in hopes of putting the sin in Sin City. Brad meets his limo-o-ladies at Aria Hotel where he puts them up in the penthouse suite. After the girls check out the view and tear into the mini-bar, a date card arrives for Shawntel and our first one-on-one of the week begins.

Brad meets Shawntel at the mall. But this shopping trip wasn’t your let’s-get-Orange Julius-and-try-on-boyfriend-jeans-at-The Gap shopping trip. This was the “Pretty Woman” of shopping trips. Brad told Shawntel that she could go into any store and buy anything she wanted. From the looks of the designer shoes and the $5,000 handbag, Shawntel took this shopping spree date very seriously! But the one-on-one didn’t end at the mall – Brad had another surprise later that evening.

Shawntel returns to the girls’ suite with two armloads of packages Other than maybe dating the same guy, nothing will make women more jealous than new purses and shoes. Trying not to make a big deal out of her new designer wardrobe, Shawntel quietly goes upstairs to get ready for her dinner date and tells us that she really wants to use the rest of the night’s date to talk about her job…as an embalmer.

Brad and Shawntel meet up for a romantic candlelit dinner and just as he sinks his pearly white veneers into a bite of steak, Shawntels tells him that she wants to talk about her work at the funeral home. At a loss for words, and appetite, Brad nervously asks her what an embalmer actually does with a human body. Shawntel tells Brad how she makes incisions to “drain the veins” for embalming fluid all while eating her steak. Brad seems intrigued by our resident funeral director and tells her she’s the “hottest embalmer I’ve ever seen.”
After dinner, Brad takes Shawntel to the roof of the Aria Hotel. Now, the last time I watched something that took place on a hotel rooftop in Vegas, a baby, Mike Tyson, and a tiger were involved. Although, Mike Tyson would’ve been an interesting addition to the date, I was relieved when Brad offered Shawntel a rose instead of a ruffie.

The next day a date card arrives for the first group date of the week and to the excitement of most of the girls, Brad takes them NASCAR driving at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But Emily is the exception to date’s excitement. As you recall, Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver and had a career-ending wreck at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Sensing that all is not alright with Emily, Brad pulls her away from the group for a chat. She tells him about Ricky’s past as a race car driver and about his accident on this very track, but that she’s grateful to be here and to have met him. Feeling like a jerk, Brad apologizes for his date idea and lets her know that she doesn’t have to drive the car if it’s too painful. Deciding it would be therapeutic to drive, Emily suits up, straps in, and starts to let go of her painful past making it a victory lap indeed.

After the racetrack, the group date retires to the pool for some crying and feelings of jealousy. Brad pulls Emily aside three times that night to make sure she’s ok and that she still wants to be here. Thinking he’s acting like a concerned gentlemen, Brad’s actually been pissing off every other girl on the date. An emotional Alli is the first to tell him that she dosen’t feel special like he makes Emily feel. A crying Chantal keeps referring to the evening as “Emily’s date.” And Michelle yanks him away from the group to tell him how immature all the other girls are. But, there’s something about Emily and on his third and final alone time with her of the date, he offers the date rose and tells her he’s falling for her.

The next night is a difficult date for Bachelor Brad. It’s the ever-awkward three-on-one. And this week it’s with both Ashleys. Convinced that he cares deeply for both girls, Brad feels utterly confused going into the evening’s date. He thinks Ashley S. is stunning and “gets lost” in her eyes, but feels a strong and real connection with Ashley H. He takes the girls to see Cirque du Soleil Viva Elvis, but they weren’t going to be spectators – the winner of the date would be performing in the show along with Brad. Each girl rehearses the number, which is set to The King’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” After the rehearsal, they sit down for dinner where the presence of the date rose and the promise of good-bye ruin any chance of appetite or dinner conversation. After little hesitation, Brad chooses Ashley H. And as the two glide around on stage in Vegas, Ashley S. is left feeling lonesome that night.

This week’s cocktail party was the most depressing cocktail party in Bachelor history. All the girls were nervous, emotional wrecks. Trying to calm the mood, Brad tells his gaggle of girls that there have been a lot of tears and emotions this week, but he likes to hear how everyone is feeling because he’s here to find his wife. Chantal is first to snatch Brad away for some alone time, crying, and accidental usage of the “L” word.

After recovering from his chat with Chantal, Brad tells us that it bothered him that Alli didn’t feel special, so he hoped a small gesture would remedy her insecure feelings.
He whisked her upstairs and surprised her with champagne and a tiny green cake that reminded him of the green dress she wore the first night of the season. Nice memory, ABC producer! Though it was thoughtful, Brad seemed very rushed and hurried during their mini-one-on-one. I think he may like Alli, but she isn’t captivating him like Emily and Michelle seem to be.

Speaking of Michelle.... Because she hasn’t had much alone time with Brad in Vegas, she steals him from the party, pushes him down in a chair, and says, “You have some really big decisions to make. A lot of the girls here don’t realize what they have in front of them. I’m different. Keep that in mind.” Then she forces her tongue down his throat and demands he “sends some girls home.” I think he keeps her around because he’s scared for his life.

And so now we have the rose ceremony. If the rose ceremony is the NCAA tournament, and Marissa is the University of Kentucky, then Brad is Duke and my bracket is busted. Marissa and Lisa went home, which seemed unfair since neither girl seemed to ever get alone time with Brad. But love isn’t always fair, nor is reality television. Or college basketball. Duke sucks.