Hometown Date Week has arrived! The air is crispier, the sun shinier and the roses rosier. It’s just like Christmas but with less traffic. This week Brad ventured to Washington, Maine, California and North Carolina to meet his pick of future in-laws.
Brad’s first stop was to Chantal’s hometown in Seattle, the northwestern most city in the contiguous US. Chantal brings Brad back to her house where he’s introduced her dog, Boca. Boca the dog is slightly bigger than a squirrel and more hyper than a second grader with ADD. Chantal is utterly in love with the little rascal and refers to Brad as “daddy” when Boca jumps in his lap. Brad, remember; the smaller the dog, the crazier the girl. (Yours truly and her 10 pound shih-tzu excluded.) After the petting zoo, Chantal takes Brad seven miles down the road to her parent’s estate where he meets her father Michael, her brother Conner, and her mother Billie-Jo. If “The Real Housewives” franchise ever makes it to Seattle, Billie-Jo is a must. From her lusciously botoxed lips and French pedicured toes to the way she swirled her glass of merlot, Billie-Jo gave us a sampling of Seattle’s finest cougar. After a family dinner, father Michael takes Brad down to his wine cellar for a tasting and a talk. Brad and Michael discover that both their grandfather’s were masons. They also bonded over the fact that they were self-made men and appreciated hard work and by the looks of the empty bottle, a nice, full-bodied red. Dad tells Brad that Chantal has been ready to settle down for a long time and he’d be proud to have him as a son-in-law.
From the northwestern most city to the northeastern most city, Brad meets Ashley in her small hometown of Madawaska, Maine. The quaint fishing town borders French Canada, so Ashley takes him to a local restaurant where they split an order of poutine, french fries smothered in cheese and topped with gravy. Sounds like something I would crave drunk. Or stoned. Or just hungry and totally sober. When the poutine arrives Brad exclaims that it looks better than sushi and digs in. Brad is from Texas after all, so I don’t think spicy catfish roll or tempura bass hardly count as sushi. In his defense cheesy, gravy fries probably did look better. After their snack, Ashley takes Brad home to meet her family and Brad feels like he instantly fits in. They dine on fresh Maine lobster, throw back a few beers, and seem to have genuinely good time. After dinner, Ashley’s father takes Brad into the garage and lets him know that his daughter is very driven and plans to finish dental school and starting a family so soon may scare her. Rattled by what he’s hearing, Brad starts to worry that proposing to Ashley may hold her back. But his chat with older sister Chrystie calms him down. Chrystie (yes, that’s how they spell it in Maine) tells Brad that Ashley is ready to start her life and now is the perfect time for her to fall in love.
Next Brad flies across the country to Chico, California for his hometown date with Shawntel. He meets her at her family-run funeral home and mausoleum. After an awkward embrace, Shawntel shows Brad around the family business. They first tour the crematory where they usually cremate three bodies a day. Next she takes him to the embalming room and shows him all her prep tools. By the looks of the color draining from his face, I think she lost Brad, and her next rose, at “aneurysm hooks.” After a fun-filled day at the funeral parlor, they head over to Shawntel’s house to meet her family; parents Colleen and Rick and her two sisters, Destiny and Vanessa. Rick has been in the funeral business for 40 years and plans for Shawntel to take over once he retires. Brad, who told us earlier that he “doesn’t do well with death,” starts to worry about his future with Shawntel and if they move to Texas, would he be taking her away from her family. Shawntel tells her dad that she’s in love with Brad and if he proposes, things will work it.
To round out Brad’s travels across the US, he meets up with Emily in her hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina. Emily and her five year old daughter Ricki greet Brad in the park for a picnic. Little Ricki splendidly played the part of “shy” like she was up for an Academy Award. I’m not totally convinced that the child even had a face; she kept it so hidden in her mother’s bosom. Little Ricki came to a life just a tad when Brad handed her a present; a butterfly kite. She would barely look at him after that. Clearly, someone was hoping for an iPad. After their picnic, Emily takes Brad back to her house where the three of them play Candyland and draw pictures. Single moms on “The Bachelor” are such a buzzkill! Where was the wine or champagne? This date even had me missing the hot tub! After little Ricki goes to bed, Emily is hoping for some steamy alone time with her man. Momma needs some sugar! But Brad couldn’t seem to get in the mood and makes an early exit leaving Emily disappointed.
At the rose ceremony Brad tells Chris Harrison how much it meant to him that he was welcomed in these women’s homes and treated so kindly by their families. But, there was one woman that he just didn’t feel the way he was hoping he would after hometown dating; and that was Shawntel. After offering roses to Ashley, Emily, and Chantal, Brad walks Shawntel downstairs and tells her, “I didn’t feel the way a man should feel when you told me ‘I love you.’” And as Shawntel boards the reject limo back to Chico she tells us, “I hope I meet someone like him. I liked being treated like a princess.” Shawntel, you listen here – that’s what this show does. It finds a somewhat attractive guy, puts product in his hair, shoves him in some Armani suits, plans extravagant dates, gives him access to any hot tub in the city of Los Angeles, and then gives him a bouquet of roses to hand out. It’s reality TV and Brad Womack isn’t reality. Reality is margaritas on Thursday nights, Chinese take-out and telling each other goodnight. Sure, a shopping spree in Vegas and a romantic dinner on the Anguillan beaches sound divine, but, not to sound like a Taylor Swift song lyric, it’s what you are able to give someone everyday that makes them really feel like a princess.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"I don't care about the rules!"
This week’s episode found our band of bachelors in the Caribbean island of Angullia. Known for its pristine white sandy beaches, glistening turquoise waters, and offshore banking, Angullia can now boast being home to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. In fact I think Chief Minister Osbourne Fleming is having a rose statue erected in its honor.
When the ladies arrive to the island they are immediately greeted by a rather tan Chris Harrison who breaks the news that there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date this week. And that Brad will only be giving one rose before the week’s rose ceremony. And the first one-on-one date goes to Emily.
Continuing the trend, Brad picks Emily up in a helicopter where they fly to a private island for a picnic lunch. As the two sit basking in sunny paradise, the conversation takes a serious turn when Emily admits that she’s afraid of getting of her heartbroken. Brad tries to calm her fears by telling her how nervous she makes him and brings up the fact that the next round of dates will be hometown dates. Apprehensive about bringing up her daughter, Brad asks if he would be allowed to meet Ricki if he went home with her to Charlotte. Emily tells Brad that she’s an overprotected mother and Ricki has never met a guy she’s dated. But she realizes that Brad probably won’t propose if he can’t meet the most important person in her life. That being said, these two were in for some light-hearted dinner conversation…
Later that night, Emily and Brad meet for dinner on the beach. After toasting to a great day on their private island, he tells Emily that she’s getting a rose at the next ceremony and they are going home to Charlotte. Such the rule breaker, Brad Womack! They share a gag-inducing kiss in the ocean and then Brad tells us, “I don’t care about the rules. I care about Emily. I fell really hard tonight.” And so its official, Emily from Charlotte is the frontrunner.
Shawntel was awarded the second one-on-one in Agullia. And if I were among the last ladies standing, her date would have been my favorite of the three. This time Brad meets up with his date on a bicycle and they ride to the local farmer’s market. While roaming around they sip drinks out of coconuts, jump rope with little Anguillan children, and play dominoes on the street corner. My favorite part of the date was their chat with Auntie Bea. I’m not sure if she’s an out of work fortune teller or just the town drunk, but whoever she is, she needs to write a book on relationships because she seems to have it all figured out. Through her loving yet toothless mouth, Auntie Bea asks Brad and Shawntel if they are in love. When neither answers with much certainty, Anuties Bea tells them to, “Hold hands. Kiss sometime. And let your parents know when you get married.” Cosmopolitan magazine needs to give Auntie Bea a byline…
After the farmer’s market Brad meets Shawntel for dinner at the boat dock. While noshing on lobster tails and sipping colorful rum punch, Shawntel tells Brad, “I’m definitely falling in love with you, but there are five other girls here that feel the same way.” Brad tells her understands her frustrations with this unusual circumstance, but assures her that his connection with her is real and he’s interested in meeting her family. While the two talk about their parents, it starts to rain which makes the Bachelor feel all romantic. Have rain, will kiss. And as they’re kissing in the rain, Bankie Banks, the so-called “Angullian Bob Dylan” starts to serenade them.
Britt was the third and final one-on-one date of the week. And for this date Brad picks her up in a yacht. As Brad and Britt swim out to sea to board the boat, the girls back in the villa seem a little jealous that Britt will have Brad and all six of his abs alone on a yacht for the rest of the day. Michelle tells us, “You’re gonna use a yacht on Britt? Sounds like a waste of a one-on-one if you ask me.”
The yacht cruises the Caribbean and sets anchor near a rocky cliff where Bras suggests they going cliff diving. Brad takes the first jump and encourages Britt to be brave and just go for it. After moment of hesitation, Britt leaps off the cliff and plunges into the ocean all while holding her nose. After their cliff diving adventure, they sit on the beach for some small talk. But Brad seems disappointed that they’re two attractive people, wearing bathing suits, sitting in paradise and they’ve yet to kiss. Hoping to figure out if there’s a romantic connection, he meets Britt for a candlelit dinner on the yacht’s deck. Struggling for conversation, Brad tells her he isn’t sure that he has romantic feelings for her and doesn’t want to string her along through the next rose ceremony. She thanks him for giving it a shot and then boards the reject boat back to the villa to pack up her things and head home.
And now we’re to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. The date is miserable from the start as Brad wakes Ashley, Michelle, and Chantal up before sunrise for their big date. He takes them to another villa down the beach where a team of make-up artists and photographers will glam them up for a spread in Sports Illustrated’s coveted swimsuit issue. Michelle, who has done some modeling in her time, is thrilled to be behind the camera again. Flat Ashley just hopes the camera will add 10lbs to her boob area, and Chantal must be on her period because she feels fat and cranky. All was going well during the photo shoot until Michelle invites Brad to join her for a pose, which turned out to be a make session on the beach. As soon as the shoot wrapped, Brad knew he took things too far with Michelle and he’d have lots of explaining to do with Ashley and Chantal.
He first pulls Ashley aside for alone time and assures her that he loves her bubbly personality and was sorry she ever had to second guess his feelings for her. Next he tells Chantal that he’s very interested in meeting her family and apologized for making her feel disconnected. And then tells Michelle that he’s scared that they’re too much alike and both a little too stubborn. After each girl has a crying spell, Brad tells us this is the worst group he’s ever been on and feels that he’s let some very special women down today. He decides to award Ashley the date rose which makes Chantal question if she’s even still in the running.
Later that night before the rose ceremony Brad asks to speak with Chris Harrison. Since he’s already broken one rule this week and promised Emily a rose, he asks to break another rule; skip the cocktail party and go straight for the roses. He tells Chris that his mind was made up earlier that afternoon and he doesn’t want to make this woman wait any longer. So, with Poppa Harrison’s blessing, Brad jumps right into the rose awarding. He first calls Emily, then Shawntel, then Chantal which left Michelle without a rose. I was immediately worried for Brad’s safety, but Michelle was oddly very calm and quiet as she made her exit. She refused to hold Brad’s hand during their walk to the reject limo and made no attempt at conversation or plea of explanation before leaving. She simply sighed goodbye and then laid down in the seat of the limo, expressionless. I was mildly disappointed that she didn’t go out with more fanfare or at least a string of bleeped out expletives as she drove off.
Next week is my favorite time of year – Hometown Date Week! From shotgun-toting dads and weird family pets, to creepy basements and kooky grandmas, the possibilities for hometown dates are endless.
When the ladies arrive to the island they are immediately greeted by a rather tan Chris Harrison who breaks the news that there will be three one-on-one dates and one group date this week. And that Brad will only be giving one rose before the week’s rose ceremony. And the first one-on-one date goes to Emily.
Continuing the trend, Brad picks Emily up in a helicopter where they fly to a private island for a picnic lunch. As the two sit basking in sunny paradise, the conversation takes a serious turn when Emily admits that she’s afraid of getting of her heartbroken. Brad tries to calm her fears by telling her how nervous she makes him and brings up the fact that the next round of dates will be hometown dates. Apprehensive about bringing up her daughter, Brad asks if he would be allowed to meet Ricki if he went home with her to Charlotte. Emily tells Brad that she’s an overprotected mother and Ricki has never met a guy she’s dated. But she realizes that Brad probably won’t propose if he can’t meet the most important person in her life. That being said, these two were in for some light-hearted dinner conversation…
Later that night, Emily and Brad meet for dinner on the beach. After toasting to a great day on their private island, he tells Emily that she’s getting a rose at the next ceremony and they are going home to Charlotte. Such the rule breaker, Brad Womack! They share a gag-inducing kiss in the ocean and then Brad tells us, “I don’t care about the rules. I care about Emily. I fell really hard tonight.” And so its official, Emily from Charlotte is the frontrunner.
Shawntel was awarded the second one-on-one in Agullia. And if I were among the last ladies standing, her date would have been my favorite of the three. This time Brad meets up with his date on a bicycle and they ride to the local farmer’s market. While roaming around they sip drinks out of coconuts, jump rope with little Anguillan children, and play dominoes on the street corner. My favorite part of the date was their chat with Auntie Bea. I’m not sure if she’s an out of work fortune teller or just the town drunk, but whoever she is, she needs to write a book on relationships because she seems to have it all figured out. Through her loving yet toothless mouth, Auntie Bea asks Brad and Shawntel if they are in love. When neither answers with much certainty, Anuties Bea tells them to, “Hold hands. Kiss sometime. And let your parents know when you get married.” Cosmopolitan magazine needs to give Auntie Bea a byline…
After the farmer’s market Brad meets Shawntel for dinner at the boat dock. While noshing on lobster tails and sipping colorful rum punch, Shawntel tells Brad, “I’m definitely falling in love with you, but there are five other girls here that feel the same way.” Brad tells her understands her frustrations with this unusual circumstance, but assures her that his connection with her is real and he’s interested in meeting her family. While the two talk about their parents, it starts to rain which makes the Bachelor feel all romantic. Have rain, will kiss. And as they’re kissing in the rain, Bankie Banks, the so-called “Angullian Bob Dylan” starts to serenade them.
Britt was the third and final one-on-one date of the week. And for this date Brad picks her up in a yacht. As Brad and Britt swim out to sea to board the boat, the girls back in the villa seem a little jealous that Britt will have Brad and all six of his abs alone on a yacht for the rest of the day. Michelle tells us, “You’re gonna use a yacht on Britt? Sounds like a waste of a one-on-one if you ask me.”
The yacht cruises the Caribbean and sets anchor near a rocky cliff where Bras suggests they going cliff diving. Brad takes the first jump and encourages Britt to be brave and just go for it. After moment of hesitation, Britt leaps off the cliff and plunges into the ocean all while holding her nose. After their cliff diving adventure, they sit on the beach for some small talk. But Brad seems disappointed that they’re two attractive people, wearing bathing suits, sitting in paradise and they’ve yet to kiss. Hoping to figure out if there’s a romantic connection, he meets Britt for a candlelit dinner on the yacht’s deck. Struggling for conversation, Brad tells her he isn’t sure that he has romantic feelings for her and doesn’t want to string her along through the next rose ceremony. She thanks him for giving it a shot and then boards the reject boat back to the villa to pack up her things and head home.
And now we’re to the most miserable group date in Bachelor history. The date is miserable from the start as Brad wakes Ashley, Michelle, and Chantal up before sunrise for their big date. He takes them to another villa down the beach where a team of make-up artists and photographers will glam them up for a spread in Sports Illustrated’s coveted swimsuit issue. Michelle, who has done some modeling in her time, is thrilled to be behind the camera again. Flat Ashley just hopes the camera will add 10lbs to her boob area, and Chantal must be on her period because she feels fat and cranky. All was going well during the photo shoot until Michelle invites Brad to join her for a pose, which turned out to be a make session on the beach. As soon as the shoot wrapped, Brad knew he took things too far with Michelle and he’d have lots of explaining to do with Ashley and Chantal.
He first pulls Ashley aside for alone time and assures her that he loves her bubbly personality and was sorry she ever had to second guess his feelings for her. Next he tells Chantal that he’s very interested in meeting her family and apologized for making her feel disconnected. And then tells Michelle that he’s scared that they’re too much alike and both a little too stubborn. After each girl has a crying spell, Brad tells us this is the worst group he’s ever been on and feels that he’s let some very special women down today. He decides to award Ashley the date rose which makes Chantal question if she’s even still in the running.
Later that night before the rose ceremony Brad asks to speak with Chris Harrison. Since he’s already broken one rule this week and promised Emily a rose, he asks to break another rule; skip the cocktail party and go straight for the roses. He tells Chris that his mind was made up earlier that afternoon and he doesn’t want to make this woman wait any longer. So, with Poppa Harrison’s blessing, Brad jumps right into the rose awarding. He first calls Emily, then Shawntel, then Chantal which left Michelle without a rose. I was immediately worried for Brad’s safety, but Michelle was oddly very calm and quiet as she made her exit. She refused to hold Brad’s hand during their walk to the reject limo and made no attempt at conversation or plea of explanation before leaving. She simply sighed goodbye and then laid down in the seat of the limo, expressionless. I was mildly disappointed that she didn’t go out with more fanfare or at least a string of bleeped out expletives as she drove off.
Next week is my favorite time of year – Hometown Date Week! From shotgun-toting dads and weird family pets, to creepy basements and kooky grandmas, the possibilities for hometown dates are endless.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Week 5
Bachelor Brad took his broads abroad this week for a rumble in the Costa Rican jungle. Despite zip lining across the rain forest, repelling down waterfalls, and picnicking in caves, there was trouble brewing in paradise. Michelle put Brad’s patients to the test, Chantal’s emotions got the best of her, and the Wildcats beat the Vols. Wait, what? I meant to say that Brad decided not to give out a date rose.
Brad sets the women up in a cozy villa over looking a volcano. While the girls enjoy the gorgeous view, a date card arrives for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel, and Britt. Ashley can’t wait to get “down and dirty in the jungle” with Brad. Michelle, on the other hand is still appalled that Shawntel is still in the running and hopes she “gets attacked by monkeys” on their group date. I’ve always heard that group date eating monkeys are particularly dangerous in Costa Rica.
The daters go repelling down a waterfall in the rainforest. Most of the girls are excited to try something new and adventurous, but Jackie, the token acrophobic, is in a panic. Deathly afraid of heights, she cries and freaks out, but eventually repels down the waterfall. Now Brad could have really won us over and elected to repel with her to calm her fears and make her feel safe. But instead, Brad gets on our bad side and decides to go down with Michelle because they made a “pact” on their last date that if they ever went repelling again, they would repel together. As you know, those that repel together might get engaged on national television together.
After everyone made it safely down, they all relaxed around a hot spring. Brad wasted no time getting alone time with the ladies. He first had a chat with Jackie and told her how proud he was of her for conquering her fear of heights. Though gracious of his praises, Jackie was also miffed that he chose to repel with Michelle while she was one that really could have used his support. He next pulls Emily aside hoping for a moment’s reprieve. She tells him that she’s starting to like him, but tends to get scared and run when things get serious. That has Brad worried that he’s going to get hurt if he continues to fall for her. And then he meets with Michelle who questions why he’s kept any of the girls around. He sternly tells her that his decisions are his decisions and she has to trust that he’s making the right ones. Exasperated, Brad tells us that his evening with the ladies really didn’t go that well and he’s confused more than ever. So, he tells the women that he needs time to think about things tonight and packs up the date rose and heads back to his villa.
The next day he has a one-on-one date with Chantal. Last week Chantal was an emotional, dramatic mess. This week Brad hopes the fun and feisty Chantal makes a comeback. He picks her up via helicopter for an afternoon of zip lining across the Costa Rican rainforest. After gliding from tree top to tree top, Brad treats Chantal to a riverside picnic. Over glasses of wine, Brad tells Chantal that her emotions in Vegas scared him and hopes that he can see more of her confidant and spunky side. In response, Chantal tells Brad that she’s ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and that today’s date was perfect. And just as it did on their first date, rain began to fall from the sky as he offered her the date rose.
Alli was the next to lucky in Costa Rica as she has her first but the week’s final one-on-one date. Brad ditches the helicopter and picks Alli up on horseback and takes her caving. I’ll agree that most of the dates planned on “The Bachelor” seem pretty fabulous. From hot air balloon rides and private concerts to dinner cruises and shopping sprees, all the dates makes dinner and a movie sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But this particular cave date would have done me in. Brad hands Alli a lantern as they enter into the cave and the first thing Alli sees are bats clinging to the ceiling. Bats just look like rats with wings, and as someone who is neither a fan of wild rats or wild birds, being in pitch darkness with bats would not be the makings of a fun date. Alli yelps and squeals as the bats flap and flutter overhead. Brad tries to calm her by forging them through the cave to the picnic he has set up for them. Over dinner Alli tells Brad that the day’s events are not the usual for her, but it made for an exciting adventure. Then the two struggle to make small talk for the remainder of the meal. In hopes of getting some type conversation going, Brad asks Alli why her last relationship ended. Though she dated her ex for two years, she tells Brad that she just couldn’t picture him as her husband. He was a nice guy, but she just didn’t see him being “the one.” Brad quickly replies, “I know what you mean” and proceeds to giver her the you’re-not-receiving-the-date-rose-speech.
After saying good-bye to Alli, Brad retreats to his villa to relax and have some alone time. Just as he was getting settled for a night of women-free burping and crotch scratching, he gets a knock at the door. When bachelor’s get a knock it usually means one of three things:
A contestant has decided to pull an Ali and leave the show because their job at Facebook is on the line
Chris Harrison is at the door with hard liquor
One of the ladies is hoping for a late night bachelor snack
If you guessed three, you are correct. Brad opens to the door to find Michelle standing there ready to bad mouth the other girls. She lets him know that he made the right decision sending Alli home, but doesn’t feel Chantal is the right woman for him. She goes on to tell Brad she predicts that along with Ashley and Emily, she’ll be one of the last three standing. Brad doesn’t say much in response, but once he kisses her good-bye and walks her out, he tells us that he feels like he’s being pulled in a million directions and Michelle is the largest contributor to that. So, for you future bachelorettes out there, leave the late night door knocking to Chris Harrison and Jim Beam.
Brad arrives to the next night’s cocktail party and tells the women that he’s had a lot to sort out and has caught a lot of grief lately about how he’s handled his roses. With that being said, he seems to have an agenda for the evening so he can sort out his feelings. First, he meets with Emily and they talk about her vulnerability being a good thing and not a thing she should run from. Then he meets with Michelle and tells her she’s scaring him and she has to quit second guessing his rose-giving decisions. After a bout of tears, Michelle tells Brad that she knows she’s supposed to be here and she’s the woman for him. I don’t know what crystal meth ball she’s looking into, but I just don’t think she’s going to be the last ring finger standing.
Next he meets up with Shawntel for what was probably his favorite alone time encounter thus far. She tells him that she’s sick of talking about feelings and suggests they play the silent game which of course ends with a make-out session. So, future bachelorettes out there, silence is golden! Chantal, on the other hand, doesn’t know the secret about silence and spends her pre-rose ceremony alone time professing her love to Brad. She says their date changed how she feels about him and that she loves him and hopes to return to Costa Rica with their little bachelor babies one day. Good thing she already scored a date rose, because bachelors don’t always love baby talk…
Bachelor Brad decides to keep Ashley, Britt, Shawntel, Chantal, Michelle, and Emily which meant Jackie ended up in the reject limo. Next week Brad whisks the girls away to Anguilla for some summer lovin’ on the beach.
Brad sets the women up in a cozy villa over looking a volcano. While the girls enjoy the gorgeous view, a date card arrives for Jackie, Michelle, Emily, Ashley, Shawntel, and Britt. Ashley can’t wait to get “down and dirty in the jungle” with Brad. Michelle, on the other hand is still appalled that Shawntel is still in the running and hopes she “gets attacked by monkeys” on their group date. I’ve always heard that group date eating monkeys are particularly dangerous in Costa Rica.
The daters go repelling down a waterfall in the rainforest. Most of the girls are excited to try something new and adventurous, but Jackie, the token acrophobic, is in a panic. Deathly afraid of heights, she cries and freaks out, but eventually repels down the waterfall. Now Brad could have really won us over and elected to repel with her to calm her fears and make her feel safe. But instead, Brad gets on our bad side and decides to go down with Michelle because they made a “pact” on their last date that if they ever went repelling again, they would repel together. As you know, those that repel together might get engaged on national television together.
After everyone made it safely down, they all relaxed around a hot spring. Brad wasted no time getting alone time with the ladies. He first had a chat with Jackie and told her how proud he was of her for conquering her fear of heights. Though gracious of his praises, Jackie was also miffed that he chose to repel with Michelle while she was one that really could have used his support. He next pulls Emily aside hoping for a moment’s reprieve. She tells him that she’s starting to like him, but tends to get scared and run when things get serious. That has Brad worried that he’s going to get hurt if he continues to fall for her. And then he meets with Michelle who questions why he’s kept any of the girls around. He sternly tells her that his decisions are his decisions and she has to trust that he’s making the right ones. Exasperated, Brad tells us that his evening with the ladies really didn’t go that well and he’s confused more than ever. So, he tells the women that he needs time to think about things tonight and packs up the date rose and heads back to his villa.
The next day he has a one-on-one date with Chantal. Last week Chantal was an emotional, dramatic mess. This week Brad hopes the fun and feisty Chantal makes a comeback. He picks her up via helicopter for an afternoon of zip lining across the Costa Rican rainforest. After gliding from tree top to tree top, Brad treats Chantal to a riverside picnic. Over glasses of wine, Brad tells Chantal that her emotions in Vegas scared him and hopes that he can see more of her confidant and spunky side. In response, Chantal tells Brad that she’s ready to move on to the next chapter in her life and that today’s date was perfect. And just as it did on their first date, rain began to fall from the sky as he offered her the date rose.
Alli was the next to lucky in Costa Rica as she has her first but the week’s final one-on-one date. Brad ditches the helicopter and picks Alli up on horseback and takes her caving. I’ll agree that most of the dates planned on “The Bachelor” seem pretty fabulous. From hot air balloon rides and private concerts to dinner cruises and shopping sprees, all the dates makes dinner and a movie sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But this particular cave date would have done me in. Brad hands Alli a lantern as they enter into the cave and the first thing Alli sees are bats clinging to the ceiling. Bats just look like rats with wings, and as someone who is neither a fan of wild rats or wild birds, being in pitch darkness with bats would not be the makings of a fun date. Alli yelps and squeals as the bats flap and flutter overhead. Brad tries to calm her by forging them through the cave to the picnic he has set up for them. Over dinner Alli tells Brad that the day’s events are not the usual for her, but it made for an exciting adventure. Then the two struggle to make small talk for the remainder of the meal. In hopes of getting some type conversation going, Brad asks Alli why her last relationship ended. Though she dated her ex for two years, she tells Brad that she just couldn’t picture him as her husband. He was a nice guy, but she just didn’t see him being “the one.” Brad quickly replies, “I know what you mean” and proceeds to giver her the you’re-not-receiving-the-date-rose-speech.
After saying good-bye to Alli, Brad retreats to his villa to relax and have some alone time. Just as he was getting settled for a night of women-free burping and crotch scratching, he gets a knock at the door. When bachelor’s get a knock it usually means one of three things:
A contestant has decided to pull an Ali and leave the show because their job at Facebook is on the line
Chris Harrison is at the door with hard liquor
One of the ladies is hoping for a late night bachelor snack
If you guessed three, you are correct. Brad opens to the door to find Michelle standing there ready to bad mouth the other girls. She lets him know that he made the right decision sending Alli home, but doesn’t feel Chantal is the right woman for him. She goes on to tell Brad she predicts that along with Ashley and Emily, she’ll be one of the last three standing. Brad doesn’t say much in response, but once he kisses her good-bye and walks her out, he tells us that he feels like he’s being pulled in a million directions and Michelle is the largest contributor to that. So, for you future bachelorettes out there, leave the late night door knocking to Chris Harrison and Jim Beam.
Brad arrives to the next night’s cocktail party and tells the women that he’s had a lot to sort out and has caught a lot of grief lately about how he’s handled his roses. With that being said, he seems to have an agenda for the evening so he can sort out his feelings. First, he meets with Emily and they talk about her vulnerability being a good thing and not a thing she should run from. Then he meets with Michelle and tells her she’s scaring him and she has to quit second guessing his rose-giving decisions. After a bout of tears, Michelle tells Brad that she knows she’s supposed to be here and she’s the woman for him. I don’t know what crystal meth ball she’s looking into, but I just don’t think she’s going to be the last ring finger standing.
Next he meets up with Shawntel for what was probably his favorite alone time encounter thus far. She tells him that she’s sick of talking about feelings and suggests they play the silent game which of course ends with a make-out session. So, future bachelorettes out there, silence is golden! Chantal, on the other hand, doesn’t know the secret about silence and spends her pre-rose ceremony alone time professing her love to Brad. She says their date changed how she feels about him and that she loves him and hopes to return to Costa Rica with their little bachelor babies one day. Good thing she already scored a date rose, because bachelors don’t always love baby talk…
Bachelor Brad decides to keep Ashley, Britt, Shawntel, Chantal, Michelle, and Emily which meant Jackie ended up in the reject limo. Next week Brad whisks the girls away to Anguilla for some summer lovin’ on the beach.
Week 4
My Bachelordar is broken. Do you think that’s something the Geek Squad can fix? Since 2001 I have been able to call the winner or second runner-up just from watching the first episode. And this season I’m defeated. I called Marissa on episode one as the winner, and though she never had a one-on-one, or any commentary interviews, or any alone time during the groups dates, I thought she’d eventually emerge as the season’s dark horse and end up as the last ring finger standing. But she was sent packing and left us with nothing but a teary ride in the reject limo. My picks never leave all teary eyed in the reject limo. My picks end up with engagement rings and then break-up cover stories on Us Weekly. This is new territory and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Maybe Brad will lend me Therapist Jamie’s number…
On a happier note, The Bachelor took his harem of hotties to Las Vegas this week in hopes of putting the sin in Sin City. Brad meets his limo-o-ladies at Aria Hotel where he puts them up in the penthouse suite. After the girls check out the view and tear into the mini-bar, a date card arrives for Shawntel and our first one-on-one of the week begins.
Brad meets Shawntel at the mall. But this shopping trip wasn’t your let’s-get-Orange Julius-and-try-on-boyfriend-jeans-at-The Gap shopping trip. This was the “Pretty Woman” of shopping trips. Brad told Shawntel that she could go into any store and buy anything she wanted. From the looks of the designer shoes and the $5,000 handbag, Shawntel took this shopping spree date very seriously! But the one-on-one didn’t end at the mall – Brad had another surprise later that evening.
Shawntel returns to the girls’ suite with two armloads of packages Other than maybe dating the same guy, nothing will make women more jealous than new purses and shoes. Trying not to make a big deal out of her new designer wardrobe, Shawntel quietly goes upstairs to get ready for her dinner date and tells us that she really wants to use the rest of the night’s date to talk about her job…as an embalmer.
Brad and Shawntel meet up for a romantic candlelit dinner and just as he sinks his pearly white veneers into a bite of steak, Shawntels tells him that she wants to talk about her work at the funeral home. At a loss for words, and appetite, Brad nervously asks her what an embalmer actually does with a human body. Shawntel tells Brad how she makes incisions to “drain the veins” for embalming fluid all while eating her steak. Brad seems intrigued by our resident funeral director and tells her she’s the “hottest embalmer I’ve ever seen.”
After dinner, Brad takes Shawntel to the roof of the Aria Hotel. Now, the last time I watched something that took place on a hotel rooftop in Vegas, a baby, Mike Tyson, and a tiger were involved. Although, Mike Tyson would’ve been an interesting addition to the date, I was relieved when Brad offered Shawntel a rose instead of a ruffie.
The next day a date card arrives for the first group date of the week and to the excitement of most of the girls, Brad takes them NASCAR driving at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But Emily is the exception to date’s excitement. As you recall, Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver and had a career-ending wreck at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Sensing that all is not alright with Emily, Brad pulls her away from the group for a chat. She tells him about Ricky’s past as a race car driver and about his accident on this very track, but that she’s grateful to be here and to have met him. Feeling like a jerk, Brad apologizes for his date idea and lets her know that she doesn’t have to drive the car if it’s too painful. Deciding it would be therapeutic to drive, Emily suits up, straps in, and starts to let go of her painful past making it a victory lap indeed.
After the racetrack, the group date retires to the pool for some crying and feelings of jealousy. Brad pulls Emily aside three times that night to make sure she’s ok and that she still wants to be here. Thinking he’s acting like a concerned gentlemen, Brad’s actually been pissing off every other girl on the date. An emotional Alli is the first to tell him that she dosen’t feel special like he makes Emily feel. A crying Chantal keeps referring to the evening as “Emily’s date.” And Michelle yanks him away from the group to tell him how immature all the other girls are. But, there’s something about Emily and on his third and final alone time with her of the date, he offers the date rose and tells her he’s falling for her.
The next night is a difficult date for Bachelor Brad. It’s the ever-awkward three-on-one. And this week it’s with both Ashleys. Convinced that he cares deeply for both girls, Brad feels utterly confused going into the evening’s date. He thinks Ashley S. is stunning and “gets lost” in her eyes, but feels a strong and real connection with Ashley H. He takes the girls to see Cirque du Soleil Viva Elvis, but they weren’t going to be spectators – the winner of the date would be performing in the show along with Brad. Each girl rehearses the number, which is set to The King’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” After the rehearsal, they sit down for dinner where the presence of the date rose and the promise of good-bye ruin any chance of appetite or dinner conversation. After little hesitation, Brad chooses Ashley H. And as the two glide around on stage in Vegas, Ashley S. is left feeling lonesome that night.
This week’s cocktail party was the most depressing cocktail party in Bachelor history. All the girls were nervous, emotional wrecks. Trying to calm the mood, Brad tells his gaggle of girls that there have been a lot of tears and emotions this week, but he likes to hear how everyone is feeling because he’s here to find his wife. Chantal is first to snatch Brad away for some alone time, crying, and accidental usage of the “L” word.
After recovering from his chat with Chantal, Brad tells us that it bothered him that Alli didn’t feel special, so he hoped a small gesture would remedy her insecure feelings.
He whisked her upstairs and surprised her with champagne and a tiny green cake that reminded him of the green dress she wore the first night of the season. Nice memory, ABC producer! Though it was thoughtful, Brad seemed very rushed and hurried during their mini-one-on-one. I think he may like Alli, but she isn’t captivating him like Emily and Michelle seem to be.
Speaking of Michelle.... Because she hasn’t had much alone time with Brad in Vegas, she steals him from the party, pushes him down in a chair, and says, “You have some really big decisions to make. A lot of the girls here don’t realize what they have in front of them. I’m different. Keep that in mind.” Then she forces her tongue down his throat and demands he “sends some girls home.” I think he keeps her around because he’s scared for his life.
And so now we have the rose ceremony. If the rose ceremony is the NCAA tournament, and Marissa is the University of Kentucky, then Brad is Duke and my bracket is busted. Marissa and Lisa went home, which seemed unfair since neither girl seemed to ever get alone time with Brad. But love isn’t always fair, nor is reality television. Or college basketball. Duke sucks.
On a happier note, The Bachelor took his harem of hotties to Las Vegas this week in hopes of putting the sin in Sin City. Brad meets his limo-o-ladies at Aria Hotel where he puts them up in the penthouse suite. After the girls check out the view and tear into the mini-bar, a date card arrives for Shawntel and our first one-on-one of the week begins.
Brad meets Shawntel at the mall. But this shopping trip wasn’t your let’s-get-Orange Julius-and-try-on-boyfriend-jeans-at-The Gap shopping trip. This was the “Pretty Woman” of shopping trips. Brad told Shawntel that she could go into any store and buy anything she wanted. From the looks of the designer shoes and the $5,000 handbag, Shawntel took this shopping spree date very seriously! But the one-on-one didn’t end at the mall – Brad had another surprise later that evening.
Shawntel returns to the girls’ suite with two armloads of packages Other than maybe dating the same guy, nothing will make women more jealous than new purses and shoes. Trying not to make a big deal out of her new designer wardrobe, Shawntel quietly goes upstairs to get ready for her dinner date and tells us that she really wants to use the rest of the night’s date to talk about her job…as an embalmer.
Brad and Shawntel meet up for a romantic candlelit dinner and just as he sinks his pearly white veneers into a bite of steak, Shawntels tells him that she wants to talk about her work at the funeral home. At a loss for words, and appetite, Brad nervously asks her what an embalmer actually does with a human body. Shawntel tells Brad how she makes incisions to “drain the veins” for embalming fluid all while eating her steak. Brad seems intrigued by our resident funeral director and tells her she’s the “hottest embalmer I’ve ever seen.”
After dinner, Brad takes Shawntel to the roof of the Aria Hotel. Now, the last time I watched something that took place on a hotel rooftop in Vegas, a baby, Mike Tyson, and a tiger were involved. Although, Mike Tyson would’ve been an interesting addition to the date, I was relieved when Brad offered Shawntel a rose instead of a ruffie.
The next day a date card arrives for the first group date of the week and to the excitement of most of the girls, Brad takes them NASCAR driving at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. But Emily is the exception to date’s excitement. As you recall, Emily’s dead fiancé was a race car driver and had a career-ending wreck at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Sensing that all is not alright with Emily, Brad pulls her away from the group for a chat. She tells him about Ricky’s past as a race car driver and about his accident on this very track, but that she’s grateful to be here and to have met him. Feeling like a jerk, Brad apologizes for his date idea and lets her know that she doesn’t have to drive the car if it’s too painful. Deciding it would be therapeutic to drive, Emily suits up, straps in, and starts to let go of her painful past making it a victory lap indeed.
After the racetrack, the group date retires to the pool for some crying and feelings of jealousy. Brad pulls Emily aside three times that night to make sure she’s ok and that she still wants to be here. Thinking he’s acting like a concerned gentlemen, Brad’s actually been pissing off every other girl on the date. An emotional Alli is the first to tell him that she dosen’t feel special like he makes Emily feel. A crying Chantal keeps referring to the evening as “Emily’s date.” And Michelle yanks him away from the group to tell him how immature all the other girls are. But, there’s something about Emily and on his third and final alone time with her of the date, he offers the date rose and tells her he’s falling for her.
The next night is a difficult date for Bachelor Brad. It’s the ever-awkward three-on-one. And this week it’s with both Ashleys. Convinced that he cares deeply for both girls, Brad feels utterly confused going into the evening’s date. He thinks Ashley S. is stunning and “gets lost” in her eyes, but feels a strong and real connection with Ashley H. He takes the girls to see Cirque du Soleil Viva Elvis, but they weren’t going to be spectators – the winner of the date would be performing in the show along with Brad. Each girl rehearses the number, which is set to The King’s “Are You Lonesome Tonight.” After the rehearsal, they sit down for dinner where the presence of the date rose and the promise of good-bye ruin any chance of appetite or dinner conversation. After little hesitation, Brad chooses Ashley H. And as the two glide around on stage in Vegas, Ashley S. is left feeling lonesome that night.
This week’s cocktail party was the most depressing cocktail party in Bachelor history. All the girls were nervous, emotional wrecks. Trying to calm the mood, Brad tells his gaggle of girls that there have been a lot of tears and emotions this week, but he likes to hear how everyone is feeling because he’s here to find his wife. Chantal is first to snatch Brad away for some alone time, crying, and accidental usage of the “L” word.
After recovering from his chat with Chantal, Brad tells us that it bothered him that Alli didn’t feel special, so he hoped a small gesture would remedy her insecure feelings.
He whisked her upstairs and surprised her with champagne and a tiny green cake that reminded him of the green dress she wore the first night of the season. Nice memory, ABC producer! Though it was thoughtful, Brad seemed very rushed and hurried during their mini-one-on-one. I think he may like Alli, but she isn’t captivating him like Emily and Michelle seem to be.
Speaking of Michelle.... Because she hasn’t had much alone time with Brad in Vegas, she steals him from the party, pushes him down in a chair, and says, “You have some really big decisions to make. A lot of the girls here don’t realize what they have in front of them. I’m different. Keep that in mind.” Then she forces her tongue down his throat and demands he “sends some girls home.” I think he keeps her around because he’s scared for his life.
And so now we have the rose ceremony. If the rose ceremony is the NCAA tournament, and Marissa is the University of Kentucky, then Brad is Duke and my bracket is busted. Marissa and Lisa went home, which seemed unfair since neither girl seemed to ever get alone time with Brad. But love isn’t always fair, nor is reality television. Or college basketball. Duke sucks.
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