Week three opens with a friendly greeting courtsey of Michelle that went a little something like this: "Brad needs to be with a woman like me. Not these other girls. I'm not gonna lie; I hate them." I hope you other girls keep a close eye on who's pouring the wine spritzers if you catch my drift. Michelle definitely has a "I'd poison your drink with antifreeze" look about her. And Michelle's hatred is further fueled when the next one-on-one date card arrives and it's addressed to Ashley S.
Brad takes Ashley S. to Capitol Records to record a duet of none other than Seal's "Kiss From a Rose." A native North Carolinian, Ashley tells us, "My accent might be kind of charming, but my singing voice is terrible." Well Ashley, you may be from Dixie and you're a chick, but you certainly are no Dixie Chick. No one will ever accuse her of being on "The Bachelor" in hopes of furthering her singing career. After a wretched recording that makes "Real Housewife" Kim Zolciak sound on pitch, Brad and Ashley decide they're better off lip-syncing and are treated to a private performance by Seal. Afterwards the pair retreat to the Capitol Records rooftop for some champagne and chit-chat. Ashley opens up to Brad about her the untimely death of her father who died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. She also tells Brad that this date was especially meaningful because "Kiss From a Rose" was her father's favorite song. Appreciative that Ashley is opening up to him, Brad tells her what a perfect first date they had and the two go from a "Kiss From a Rose" to a rose for a kiss. And Ashley, who already feels herself falling for Brad, accepts the date rose...and the kiss!
Back at the mansion Michelle isn't taking it well that she's about to be subjected to yet another group date and tells us, "What really hurts is being on a group date. I hate group dates." Michelle, it's "The Bachelor," no group date is ever that bad and they almost always end with the Bachelor half naked in a hottub. I've yet to see a group date that's involved a Cici's Pizza Buffet followed by a root canal. And until that's the case, quit yo bitchin'!
The dreaded group date, as it turns out, is a trip to a movie set to shoot an action flick. A group of professional stunt doubles work with the girls on how to throw fake punches and choreograph fight scenes. Though he thought all the girls were kicking butt this date, Brad seemed to have his eye on Shawntel and she was chosen to be in the movie's closing scene which of course invloved a car explosion and lots of kissing. Jealous, Michelle tells us that she wishes Shawntel would be kidnapped and dumped in the desert. Nevada PD, if you're reading this, maybe you should do a missing person's report and let out the cadaver dogs. Stat.
After the shoot, Brad takes his harem poolside for a wrap party where he wastes no time popping open the bubbly and the girls waste no time breaking out the bikinis. Chantal is the first to get some alone time with Brad and how does she spend it? Crying and talking about her divorce. If there are two things that are bachelor buzzkill it's crying and the word "divorce." Because he does seem to be a nice guy, Brad cuddles and comforts Chantal, but when she says, "I Iike you," he replies, "You too." Yes, the 'ol "You too." Unless you're casually telling someone to have a nice day, "You too" is never a promising response.
Next up for some hottub time is Alli. But, just as she and Brad were starting to talk about failed past relationships, in saunters Michelle who successfully steals Brad away. Though aware of Michelle's theivery ways, Brad tells us that "she could steal him away any night of the week." Shoot! She may be more of a frontrunner than I've been suspecting. But, he gives Shawntel the date rose and acts genuinely nervous while doing so. The date ends with everyone in the hottub watching their action movie appropiately titled "Love Hurts."
Emily from North Carolina is next on deck for a one-on-one date. Brad picks Emily up in his silver convertible and takes her to an airplane hangar where they board a private plane and fly to a vineyard in Santa Maria, CA. Over glasses of chardonnay, Brad tries to get Emily to open up, but she seems hesistant and resistant. Deflecting all his questions, Brad doesn't quite know how to read her. After a vineyard tour, he leads her into a barn for a romantic candlelit dinner. And over more glasses of chardonnay, Emily shares with Brad the "darkest period of her life," the death of her fiance. Emily was just 18 when her finance died in a plane crash en route to a car race. Days after his death, she found out she was pregnant with his daugher. Though a bit stunned by the seriousness of her story, Brad seems genuinely sorry for Emily's lost and even more interested in hearing about her five year old daughter. He tells Emily, "I like you a lot. I mean a lot." And then offers her the date rose.
The next night is rose ceremony and Brad seems to be having his best time yet at a cocktail party. He first meets with Alli where he hears about her trust issues that stem from her father's indefilty. He eases her mind by saying that he's never cheated on a girlfriend and agrees that trust is a huge factor in relationships and they kiss. He's then stolen away by Michelle who tells him how jealous she is that he's kissing other girls, so to ease her mind, he kisses her. Next he's off to find Chantal to apologize for not opening to her the other night in the hottub the way she opened up with him. And they kiss. Three kisses and it wasn't even fantasy date week - I'd say this was his best cocktail party yet!
But the tides begin to turn when he sits down to chat with Madison. We knew things were going to get serious when she took out her fangs. Madison tells Brad that she came on the show with walls up and feels like a lot of the girls really have their hearts on the line and she's thinking about leaving. A little put off, Brad encourages her not to accept a rose if she really doesn't want to be here. Well, as it turns, Madison didn't. Before Brad gave out his second rose of the ceremony, Madison walks off. Brad excuses himself and tries to figure out what's going on in that vampire head of hers. She tells him, "I wouldn't feel right if I stayed and another girl went home." Admiring her reason, Brad wishes her luck and the two part on amicable terms. Madison was more of a Team Edward kind of girl anyway.
So, Michelle, Chantal, Shawntel, Lisa, Jackie, Ashley H, Ashley S, Britt, Alli, Lindsey, Megan, Stacy and my pick Marissa all return next week. And speaking of next week - Michelle wakes up with a black eye! Monday, you can't get here fast enough!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Week 2 - "Did you get the memo? It's my birthday."
Week two was a night of firsts for our second time around bachelor. Brad had his first one-on-one date, first group date, and Michelle celebrated her first 30th birthday. Something tells me she's one of those that plans on turning 30 for the next five years...
Last night's episode started out in the mansion where all the girls were sitting around in their Victoria's Secret sweat pants and side ponies awaiting the arrival of the season's first date card. Melissa, the waitress from Florida, tells us she's wanted to be a contestant on "The Bachelor" for eight years and, despite having to quit her job, spent a fortune on dresses and gowns for the show. So you can imagine her disappointment when the date card is opened and it's Ashley H.'s name printed on the front.
Later that evening Ashley H., the perky little dentist from Philadelphia, meets Bachelor Brad at the bottom of the mansion staircase wearing a dress reminiscent of the lacy swan Bjork wrapped herself in for the 2001 Oscars. Brad must have had on his bachelor goggles as he tells the oral hygiene hottie how beautiful she looks. After bidding adieu to her fellow bachelorettes, Brad drives Ashley down a dark and windy wooded trail. Just when she thinks this is about to turn into an episode of "48 Hours Mystery," they stumble upon a giant voltage switch. Brad lets Ashley do the honors and when the switch is flipped, a carnival lights up complete with a tilt-a-whirl and ferris wheel. Running around like 15 year olds that have just been ungrounded, the two play ring toss, eat cotton candy, and make-out in the photo booth. Brad tells us, "I've met a girl right off the bat that I can just be myself with." They bond over the fact that both of them grew up with absentee fathers and feel the need for stability in their lives. Brad says to Ashley that she makes it easy for him to open up and talk, thus he presents her with the season's first date rose. Ashley readily accepts and then the two take their make-out session to the ferris wheel. Which reminds me, "Fear" was just added to Netflix Instant Play.
The next day is a big one at the mansion - it's Michelle's birthday! But it's not just Michelle's birthday, it's her 30th birthday. Not her 29th or 31st, as she tells us, but her 30th! And on the big 3-0 the producers of ABC's "The Bachelor" surprise her with a date with Brad and 15 other girls! Turning 30 is the best! After hearing her name on the group date's roster, Michelle tells us, "People are going to piss me off today. I just know it." I love it when birthday girls are on "The Bachelor."
For the season's first group date, Brad takes the girls to a studio where they'll shoot PSAs promoting blood donation for the American Red Cross. OMG - this is obviously the perfect group date for Madison! Madison, as you recall, is the girl with fangs. But what would've been Fangs' big moment is overshadowed by birthday girl Michelle. After watching Brad willingly participate in kissing scenes with several of the girls, Michelle has had enough and tell us, "this isn't how I pictured celebrating my 30th birthday," and runs off in a huff. Bachelor Brad finds her pouting backstage and after a strained pep talk, gets her to rejoin the date.
After the PSA shoot, Brad takes the ladies to a rooftop wrap party at the swanky Roosevelt Hotel. After toasting to a drama-free evening, Brad whisks Melissa away for some alone time. Melissa, as you recall, is the one who told us earlier this episode that its basically been her dream to be on "The Bachelor" and sold all her possessions to make it come true. So, we knew she wasn't going to come off as desperate when she finally had alone time with our bachelor. The first thing Melissa tells Brad is how spontaneous she is. In bachelorettese, "spontaneous" actually means "Short of a three-way, I'll do anything to get your attention." In past seasons "spontaneous" has meant skinny-dipping, running into the ocean fully clothed, and secret late night visits to the bachelor's sleeping quarters. We all know this isn't Brad's first rodeo, so he's on to Michelle's spontaneous talk and cuts their alone time short.
Next up for alone time is the birthday girl, who by now is hammered. Slurry-tongued and glossy-eyed, Michelle tells Brad that he has walls up and she wants to "peel off all the layers." Michelle, you're drunk, you're 30, you're on "The Bachelor." The only thing you want to peel off are Brad's clothes...amiright! And probably because Michelle was drunk and 30, she was offered the evening's date rose.
Back at Girl Scout camp, the final date card of the episode is delivered for Jackie, the artist from New York. Brad picks his date up in a shiny silver convertible and takes her to a hotel for a couple's spa treatment. After an afternoon of facial masks and mud baths, Brad surprises Jackie with a romantic dinner on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. During dinner we learn that Jackie has only had two serious boyfriends which worries the bachelor that this situation may be too risky for her. Jackie assures Brad that she wants to be here as long as he does, and with that she's offered the date rose. After accepting, the couple is rewarded with a private concert from Train. Hey soul sister!
Two one-on-ones and a group date later it's finally rose ceremony time! Before Brad hands out his roses, Chris Harrison surprises everyone with two special members of "The Bachelor" family; Ali and Sexy Roberto! As a former bachelorette, Ali is highly qualified to help Brad weed out some of the girls that may be there for the ever-popular wrong reason. Ali and Roberto sit down with each and of the girls for a quick interview and unanimously decide that Emily from North Carolina should be awarded the extra rose of the evening.
So, among those returning next week are our date rose recipients Ashley H., Birthday Girl Melissa, Jackie, and Emily. Also making the cut are once again both Shawntel and Chantal, Fangs, and my pick, Marissa! Tune in next week to see Brad's reaction to Emily's dark past and see who decides to head home before the rose ceremony.
Last night's episode started out in the mansion where all the girls were sitting around in their Victoria's Secret sweat pants and side ponies awaiting the arrival of the season's first date card. Melissa, the waitress from Florida, tells us she's wanted to be a contestant on "The Bachelor" for eight years and, despite having to quit her job, spent a fortune on dresses and gowns for the show. So you can imagine her disappointment when the date card is opened and it's Ashley H.'s name printed on the front.
Later that evening Ashley H., the perky little dentist from Philadelphia, meets Bachelor Brad at the bottom of the mansion staircase wearing a dress reminiscent of the lacy swan Bjork wrapped herself in for the 2001 Oscars. Brad must have had on his bachelor goggles as he tells the oral hygiene hottie how beautiful she looks. After bidding adieu to her fellow bachelorettes, Brad drives Ashley down a dark and windy wooded trail. Just when she thinks this is about to turn into an episode of "48 Hours Mystery," they stumble upon a giant voltage switch. Brad lets Ashley do the honors and when the switch is flipped, a carnival lights up complete with a tilt-a-whirl and ferris wheel. Running around like 15 year olds that have just been ungrounded, the two play ring toss, eat cotton candy, and make-out in the photo booth. Brad tells us, "I've met a girl right off the bat that I can just be myself with." They bond over the fact that both of them grew up with absentee fathers and feel the need for stability in their lives. Brad says to Ashley that she makes it easy for him to open up and talk, thus he presents her with the season's first date rose. Ashley readily accepts and then the two take their make-out session to the ferris wheel. Which reminds me, "Fear" was just added to Netflix Instant Play.
The next day is a big one at the mansion - it's Michelle's birthday! But it's not just Michelle's birthday, it's her 30th birthday. Not her 29th or 31st, as she tells us, but her 30th! And on the big 3-0 the producers of ABC's "The Bachelor" surprise her with a date with Brad and 15 other girls! Turning 30 is the best! After hearing her name on the group date's roster, Michelle tells us, "People are going to piss me off today. I just know it." I love it when birthday girls are on "The Bachelor."
For the season's first group date, Brad takes the girls to a studio where they'll shoot PSAs promoting blood donation for the American Red Cross. OMG - this is obviously the perfect group date for Madison! Madison, as you recall, is the girl with fangs. But what would've been Fangs' big moment is overshadowed by birthday girl Michelle. After watching Brad willingly participate in kissing scenes with several of the girls, Michelle has had enough and tell us, "this isn't how I pictured celebrating my 30th birthday," and runs off in a huff. Bachelor Brad finds her pouting backstage and after a strained pep talk, gets her to rejoin the date.
After the PSA shoot, Brad takes the ladies to a rooftop wrap party at the swanky Roosevelt Hotel. After toasting to a drama-free evening, Brad whisks Melissa away for some alone time. Melissa, as you recall, is the one who told us earlier this episode that its basically been her dream to be on "The Bachelor" and sold all her possessions to make it come true. So, we knew she wasn't going to come off as desperate when she finally had alone time with our bachelor. The first thing Melissa tells Brad is how spontaneous she is. In bachelorettese, "spontaneous" actually means "Short of a three-way, I'll do anything to get your attention." In past seasons "spontaneous" has meant skinny-dipping, running into the ocean fully clothed, and secret late night visits to the bachelor's sleeping quarters. We all know this isn't Brad's first rodeo, so he's on to Michelle's spontaneous talk and cuts their alone time short.
Next up for alone time is the birthday girl, who by now is hammered. Slurry-tongued and glossy-eyed, Michelle tells Brad that he has walls up and she wants to "peel off all the layers." Michelle, you're drunk, you're 30, you're on "The Bachelor." The only thing you want to peel off are Brad's clothes...amiright! And probably because Michelle was drunk and 30, she was offered the evening's date rose.
Back at Girl Scout camp, the final date card of the episode is delivered for Jackie, the artist from New York. Brad picks his date up in a shiny silver convertible and takes her to a hotel for a couple's spa treatment. After an afternoon of facial masks and mud baths, Brad surprises Jackie with a romantic dinner on stage at the Hollywood Bowl. During dinner we learn that Jackie has only had two serious boyfriends which worries the bachelor that this situation may be too risky for her. Jackie assures Brad that she wants to be here as long as he does, and with that she's offered the date rose. After accepting, the couple is rewarded with a private concert from Train. Hey soul sister!
Two one-on-ones and a group date later it's finally rose ceremony time! Before Brad hands out his roses, Chris Harrison surprises everyone with two special members of "The Bachelor" family; Ali and Sexy Roberto! As a former bachelorette, Ali is highly qualified to help Brad weed out some of the girls that may be there for the ever-popular wrong reason. Ali and Roberto sit down with each and of the girls for a quick interview and unanimously decide that Emily from North Carolina should be awarded the extra rose of the evening.
So, among those returning next week are our date rose recipients Ashley H., Birthday Girl Melissa, Jackie, and Emily. Also making the cut are once again both Shawntel and Chantal, Fangs, and my pick, Marissa! Tune in next week to see Brad's reaction to Emily's dark past and see who decides to head home before the rose ceremony.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Bachelor - Week 1 "Don't screw this up!"
Welcome Bachelor fans to what Chris Harrison is already calling “the most shocking season in Bachelor history.” And with a mortician, a girl with fangs, and a few single moms thrown in the mix, it may actually earn the moniker. This season brings us a handsomely familiar face, Brad Womack. True Bachelor followers may remember the studly Texan from a few seasons back as the bachelor that couldn’t make a decision and let both women go at the show’s finale. Well, three years of therapy later Brad is back and better than ever. He’s worked through his trust and commitment issues, canceled his Match.com profile and is ready to plunge into the hot tub of love and give out some roses…for real this time!
Before Bachelor Brad meets his bevy of beauties, Chris Harrison sits down with him to get the scoop on his changed ways. Brad 2.0 tells us that his barriers have been broken down and he’s completely ready to commit. He tells Chris that he’s excited to be back and really feels that he’ll find his future wife this time around. Bachelor Jake and Bachelorette Ali must have worn Chris Harrison out, because the only advice he could muster for Brad was, “Don’t screw this up.” Just as Bachelor Brad is getting ready to meet his prospects, Chris Harrison pulls a fast one on him and brings out Deanna and Jenny, the two bachelorettes he jilted round one. Shocked, stunned, and probably a little scared, Bachelor Brad graciously greets the girls and offers a sincere apology and tells them because of what happened that season, he’s been able to get help and become a better person, and ultimately a better bachelor. And becoming a better bachelor is really what life is all about. Both Deanna and Jenny seem skeptical that he’ll be able to make a decision at the end and propose, but nonetheless wish him well and then flaunt their engagement rings as they make their exits. Psst, Brad, between you and me, I think you dodged some real bullets with those two…
But Brad’s chat with Chris Harrison won’t be the only time he’ll relive his Bachelor past this episode. In group of 30 single women chances are most of them have seen Brad’s infamous season and even better are the chances of 30 single women having stern opinions on how the season ended. As it turns only three of them had no idea who he was. The other 27? Here’s a smattering of their reactions upon meeting our bachelor:
On behalf women everywhere, Shawntel from Seattle slaps Brad across the face. Kimberly from North Carolina tells him she has real concerns about his commitment to being on the show. Red headed Lindsey wondered if he’s really changed. Jackie from New York made him pinky swear that he wouldn’t break her heart and Jill from Texas simply said, “I’m ready to get married.” I hope Brad was able to take a swig of some hard, hard liquor before going into that first cocktail party.
But the questions about his previous bachelor experience didn’t let up. Everywhere he turned there was a broad in a satin gown chirping at him about proposing, committing, and falling in love. After that display, I don’t know how ABC will be able to cast another bachelor ever again. But then Brad met Ashley from New York. During their alone time, Ashley didn’t grill him on his past decisions and the two just had normal, first date conversation. Not surprisingly, it was also Ashley that nabbed the First Impression Rose. But Ashley had some competition for that coveted first rose. Once the girls know about the First Impression Rose, all reason and self-respect go out the mansion window. Keltie (yes, you read that correctly) is a former Rockette and taught Brad a few high-kicks. Raichel the Manscaper waxed a portion of Brad’s wrist. He met Madison the piece with fangs and though finding them oddly hot, he told her if she’s here to play around then she should leave. And then Jackie, claiming that she had nothing prepared, belted out a song she wrote about being on the show. Once again, how does ABC do it? Finding a guy brave enough to do this season after season after season…
The First Impression Rose must have whetted Brad’s appetite to give out more roses because after what seemed like the shortest cocktail party in Bachelor history, it was rose ceremony time. Among the 20 that we’ll see next week are single moms Michelle and Emily, both Shawntel and Chantel, Fangs, and Manscaper Raichel. And my early pick to be the frontrunner, Marissa the sports publicist from Florida. Among those taking the reject limo back to LAX, Lisa P. who was really ready to find her husband, Lauren who thinks Brad is missing out on woman with a great personality, and Brittnee who thought it would really work out this time.
Well, Brad you made it through yet another first episode of “The Bachelor” and if the previews hold true with the black eye scene, teary confrontations, and the alluding sound bites that Brad may end up alone, again, at the end, this may actually be the “most socking season yet.”
Before Bachelor Brad meets his bevy of beauties, Chris Harrison sits down with him to get the scoop on his changed ways. Brad 2.0 tells us that his barriers have been broken down and he’s completely ready to commit. He tells Chris that he’s excited to be back and really feels that he’ll find his future wife this time around. Bachelor Jake and Bachelorette Ali must have worn Chris Harrison out, because the only advice he could muster for Brad was, “Don’t screw this up.” Just as Bachelor Brad is getting ready to meet his prospects, Chris Harrison pulls a fast one on him and brings out Deanna and Jenny, the two bachelorettes he jilted round one. Shocked, stunned, and probably a little scared, Bachelor Brad graciously greets the girls and offers a sincere apology and tells them because of what happened that season, he’s been able to get help and become a better person, and ultimately a better bachelor. And becoming a better bachelor is really what life is all about. Both Deanna and Jenny seem skeptical that he’ll be able to make a decision at the end and propose, but nonetheless wish him well and then flaunt their engagement rings as they make their exits. Psst, Brad, between you and me, I think you dodged some real bullets with those two…
But Brad’s chat with Chris Harrison won’t be the only time he’ll relive his Bachelor past this episode. In group of 30 single women chances are most of them have seen Brad’s infamous season and even better are the chances of 30 single women having stern opinions on how the season ended. As it turns only three of them had no idea who he was. The other 27? Here’s a smattering of their reactions upon meeting our bachelor:
On behalf women everywhere, Shawntel from Seattle slaps Brad across the face. Kimberly from North Carolina tells him she has real concerns about his commitment to being on the show. Red headed Lindsey wondered if he’s really changed. Jackie from New York made him pinky swear that he wouldn’t break her heart and Jill from Texas simply said, “I’m ready to get married.” I hope Brad was able to take a swig of some hard, hard liquor before going into that first cocktail party.
But the questions about his previous bachelor experience didn’t let up. Everywhere he turned there was a broad in a satin gown chirping at him about proposing, committing, and falling in love. After that display, I don’t know how ABC will be able to cast another bachelor ever again. But then Brad met Ashley from New York. During their alone time, Ashley didn’t grill him on his past decisions and the two just had normal, first date conversation. Not surprisingly, it was also Ashley that nabbed the First Impression Rose. But Ashley had some competition for that coveted first rose. Once the girls know about the First Impression Rose, all reason and self-respect go out the mansion window. Keltie (yes, you read that correctly) is a former Rockette and taught Brad a few high-kicks. Raichel the Manscaper waxed a portion of Brad’s wrist. He met Madison the piece with fangs and though finding them oddly hot, he told her if she’s here to play around then she should leave. And then Jackie, claiming that she had nothing prepared, belted out a song she wrote about being on the show. Once again, how does ABC do it? Finding a guy brave enough to do this season after season after season…
The First Impression Rose must have whetted Brad’s appetite to give out more roses because after what seemed like the shortest cocktail party in Bachelor history, it was rose ceremony time. Among the 20 that we’ll see next week are single moms Michelle and Emily, both Shawntel and Chantel, Fangs, and Manscaper Raichel. And my early pick to be the frontrunner, Marissa the sports publicist from Florida. Among those taking the reject limo back to LAX, Lisa P. who was really ready to find her husband, Lauren who thinks Brad is missing out on woman with a great personality, and Brittnee who thought it would really work out this time.
Well, Brad you made it through yet another first episode of “The Bachelor” and if the previews hold true with the black eye scene, teary confrontations, and the alluding sound bites that Brad may end up alone, again, at the end, this may actually be the “most socking season yet.”
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Week 7: "Stop interrupting me!"
This week Ali whisked the guys away to Lisbon, Portugal on the last stop of her around-the-world dating tour. The dates were extra important this episode because they determined who would take Ali home to meet their family. One wrong move this episode and Ali’s spending the weekend at an Alabama trailer park eating Spam with Mee-Maw in her mumu.
Ali’s first date in Portugal was with Sexy Roberto. The pair roamed the streets of downtown Lisbon posing for pictures and then slow danced in the middle of the road while Roberto whispered sexy nothings in her ear. Then Ali took him to a castle where they had a romantic dinner and talked about their feelings. Ali seems to be falling for Roberto but can’t always tell if the feeling is mutual. He eases her mind when he tells her that if she sticks with him they will have a lifetime of evenings just like this. And that’s why we call him Sexy Roberto!
The next day Ali goes on a two-on-one with Frank and Tennessee Ty. No date roses were involved this week so neither of the guys had to worry about sabotaging the evening. What a waste of awkwardness! The two-on-ones are only good when roses and plans of havoc are involved. The love triangle gathered for dinner where Ali seemed to feel very uncomfortable. She first asked Ty for some alone time where they talked more about Ty’s family and how his mother would feel about Ali having a career outside the home. Ty tries to assure her that his parents trust his judgment and would love getting to meet her. Then she takes Frank aside for some alone time where he drops the I-still-live-at-home-with-
Next up is Ali’s date with Kirk where they first meet for lunch and giant beers. Kirk picks up on Ali’s standoffish attitude and tells her it’s ok to be stressed out about this whole process. Ali opens up a little more and tells Kirk that she feels very relaxed around him and has truly enjoyed their dates together. In return, Kirk tells Ali that she’s deserving of a good relationship with a good person. After another romantic dinner, Kirk and Ali enjoy a private concert by a Portuguese string quartet.
The following afternoon Ali takes Cape Cod Chris on the last date before the evening’s rose ceremony. He picks her up on a moped where they cautiously cruise the coastal area of Lisbon. Ali compares Chris’ slow driving to the speed of their relationship. During a cuddle session in the grass Ali asks Chris if it’s typical for him to move slowly with the women he dates. He tells her that he likes to take his time to figure a person out and then presents Ali with a handmade bracelet. He explains that he’s had this bracelet with him the whole time but wanted to make sure he really liked her before he gave it to her. Impressed that he held on it until the right moment, Ali give him a hug and kiss and then asks what it would be like if she were to go home with him to Cape Cod.
Ali only had to send one suitor home this week and seemed to have a hard time choosing which one to send packing. Sexy Roberto, Frank, Cape Cod Chris, and Kirk all advance to the next round where they will take Ali home to meet their family while Ty waltzes back to Tennessee without a rose. By the looks of next week’s previews I wonder if Ali regrets her decision when Kirk’s father introduces her to his taxidermy room.
Last night’s episode wasn’t over after the last rose had been awarded. ABC treated us to a sit-down interview with Jake and Vienna, “The Bachelor’s” latest casualty. I’ll be the first to admit that I was definitely not on Team Vienna during Jake’s season of “The Bachelor.” But after watching them last night, I wanted to switch teams. He was terrible to her and he needed some product in his hair. After the way he spoke to her last night, Pilot Jake will be flying solo indefinitely. I was glad Vienna stormed off in the middle of the interview; she doesn’t need to waste another flip of her hair extension on him. And I agree; Jake is a fame-whore. He did “Dancing with the Stars”.
Ali’s first date in Portugal was with Sexy Roberto. The pair roamed the streets of downtown Lisbon posing for pictures and then slow danced in the middle of the road while Roberto whispered sexy nothings in her ear. Then Ali took him to a castle where they had a romantic dinner and talked about their feelings. Ali seems to be falling for Roberto but can’t always tell if the feeling is mutual. He eases her mind when he tells her that if she sticks with him they will have a lifetime of evenings just like this. And that’s why we call him Sexy Roberto!
The next day Ali goes on a two-on-one with Frank and Tennessee Ty. No date roses were involved this week so neither of the guys had to worry about sabotaging the evening. What a waste of awkwardness! The two-on-ones are only good when roses and plans of havoc are involved. The love triangle gathered for dinner where Ali seemed to feel very uncomfortable. She first asked Ty for some alone time where they talked more about Ty’s family and how his mother would feel about Ali having a career outside the home. Ty tries to assure her that his parents trust his judgment and would love getting to meet her. Then she takes Frank aside for some alone time where he drops the I-still-live-at-home-with-
Next up is Ali’s date with Kirk where they first meet for lunch and giant beers. Kirk picks up on Ali’s standoffish attitude and tells her it’s ok to be stressed out about this whole process. Ali opens up a little more and tells Kirk that she feels very relaxed around him and has truly enjoyed their dates together. In return, Kirk tells Ali that she’s deserving of a good relationship with a good person. After another romantic dinner, Kirk and Ali enjoy a private concert by a Portuguese string quartet.
The following afternoon Ali takes Cape Cod Chris on the last date before the evening’s rose ceremony. He picks her up on a moped where they cautiously cruise the coastal area of Lisbon. Ali compares Chris’ slow driving to the speed of their relationship. During a cuddle session in the grass Ali asks Chris if it’s typical for him to move slowly with the women he dates. He tells her that he likes to take his time to figure a person out and then presents Ali with a handmade bracelet. He explains that he’s had this bracelet with him the whole time but wanted to make sure he really liked her before he gave it to her. Impressed that he held on it until the right moment, Ali give him a hug and kiss and then asks what it would be like if she were to go home with him to Cape Cod.
Ali only had to send one suitor home this week and seemed to have a hard time choosing which one to send packing. Sexy Roberto, Frank, Cape Cod Chris, and Kirk all advance to the next round where they will take Ali home to meet their family while Ty waltzes back to Tennessee without a rose. By the looks of next week’s previews I wonder if Ali regrets her decision when Kirk’s father introduces her to his taxidermy room.
Last night’s episode wasn’t over after the last rose had been awarded. ABC treated us to a sit-down interview with Jake and Vienna, “The Bachelor’s” latest casualty. I’ll be the first to admit that I was definitely not on Team Vienna during Jake’s season of “The Bachelor.” But after watching them last night, I wanted to switch teams. He was terrible to her and he needed some product in his hair. After the way he spoke to her last night, Pilot Jake will be flying solo indefinitely. I was glad Vienna stormed off in the middle of the interview; she doesn’t need to waste another flip of her hair extension on him. And I agree; Jake is a fame-whore. He did “Dancing with the Stars”.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Week 6 "I can't believe what you did"
How calmly did things start out Monday night? Ali was in her hotel room in Istanbul, drying her hair, putting on make-up, checking her Facebook when she gets an unexpected knock at her door. On “The Bachelor” unexpected knocks are never good. In the past the unexpected knock has brought news of contestants leaving to return to their jobs or past contestants returning desperately for another chance. Unexpected knocks are never pizza delivery boys, Publisher’s Clearinghouse, or the next door neighbor wanting to borrow a cup of sugar. And this season’s unexpected knock was no exception.
Ali opens the door to find Chris Harrison. Pleasantly surprised by what seems to be a drop-in, Ali and Poppa Harrison embrace and exchange pleasantries. We knew he wasn’t there just for a pre-date pep-talk when he suggests they have a seat on the couch. No good conversation begins by someone suggesting you have a seat on the couch. Chris Harrison opens by telling Ali that it’s been brought to the producer’s attention that a contestant on the show has not been truthful. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. Chris goes on to say that he’s personally checked into the story and it’s indeed true. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. Chris then tells Ali that one of the guys has a girlfriend and has been secretly contacting her throughout the entire taping. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. And then he tells her the two-timing man-floozy is none other than R-Rated. Cut to Ali’s look of semi-relief upon hearing its no one good like Sexy Roberto or Cape Cod Chris. After venting about her disappointment, Poppa Harrison informs Ali that he has the phone number for R-Rated’s girlfriend back home in Canada, Jessica. So, the two huddle around what looks to be a rotary dial telephone waiting for Jessica to answer the phone. A good 12 rings later, Jessica and her glorious Canadian accent pick up. Ali cuts to the chase and asks Jessica if R-Rated is her boyfriend. Jessica tells us that she and R-Rated have been shaking their maple leafs together for the past two years. He told Jessica that he only wanted to do the show to further is entertainment wrestling career and just wanted to make it to the top three. For some reason Jessica supported his scheme and even helped him buy suits to wear on the show. A tearful Jessica goes on to say that R-Rated has been calling and texting her, letting her know that when he’s back home the two will get married. Ali has heard all she needs to hear and thanks Jessica for the inside information. She hangs up the phone and tells Chris Harrison she wants to confront R-Rated on his shady shenanigans.
Ali bursts into the guy’s suite and takes a seat almost directly in front of R-Rated. She begins by addressing the group as a whole, saying she knows it’s been a stressful and difficult journey. And then the “oh no she didn’t moment.” She glares R-Rated in the eye and says, “This must be especially hard for you Justin since you have a girlfriend at home. In Canada.” Knowing he’s aboot to get the boot, Justin and his bum leg race out the door, down the stairs, through some shrubbery, and into a parking lot. Ali chases after him and but waits for him to compose himself. He saunters back to where she’s sitting but never gives her more than a shaky apology. After he offers her his wadded up rose back, she tells him he’s free to go and as they show him limping away onto the streets of Istanbul they play some saved voicemails he left on Jessica’s cell phone. Suave.
After that fiasco Ali has a one-on-one date with Tennessee Ty, who does not have a side piece waiting on him in Canada. Ali and Ty go to a Turkish bathhouse where they wrap up in plaid towels and massage each other. The two talk and laugh and kiss until dinner time. During their romantic dinner Ali probes more into the demise of Ty’s first marriage. Ty tells us that he grew up with a stay-at-home mother and father that worked outside the house to bring home the bacon. Apparently things didn’t settle so well with Ty when his first wife still wanted to focus on her career despite becoming Mrs. Tennessee Ty. He tells Ali that he’s changed and matured since his divorce and now knows that “they can become lawyers, and CEOs and doctors.” “They?” I do hope he realizes he’s on a date with of “them.” Somehow Tennessee Ty gets the date rose. I was really hoping Ali was going to press him on is progressive views on feminism. He really should write a book.
Next up was a group date that had the guys olive oil wrestling. I didn’t really care who was on this date as long a Sexy Roberto and his magnificent abs were on display. Each bachelor was paired with a professional Turkish olive oil wrestler and the winners would then wrestle each other. I don’t remember who did all that well because I kept wanting to dip pieces of warm bread into Roberto’s muscle crevices. I’ve had a hankering for Olive Garden ever since. Surprisingly, Lawyer Craig was the event’s champion and he won a one-on-one date with Ali. She took him on a dinner cruise and then to a lookout point where they watched a firework show. The date looked enjoyable enough, but it seems the only sparks flying were the ones in the sky.
The next day Ali takes Frank on another one-on-one. They spend the afternoon shopping at an open market and play dress up in a costume shop. Ali surprises Frank by trying on a noisy, purple belly-dancer number. I wanted to slip into something like that to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday, but that store closes at 5:30 and I don’t get off work til 6. After their Turkish shopping-spree they have dinner on what looks to be a table floating on water. Ali tells Frank that their relationship scares her because she can’t control who she loves and if he’ll love her back. He must’ve convinced her that they’re on the same page because he was awarded the evening’s date rose.
Ali decides to opt out of the next night’s cocktail party. She tells Chris Harrison that her mind is made up and she doesn’t want to put the guys through a party if she already knows who she’s sending home. Despite his efforts in olive oil wrestling, Lawyer Craig did not make this week’s cut. Remaining we have Frank, Sexy Roberto, Cape Cod Chris, Kirk and Tennessee Ty. With five guys left that means one more round tillHome Town Dates!
Next week we learn of yet another secret one of Ali’s suitors has been keeping when she takes the brood to Portugal.
Ali opens the door to find Chris Harrison. Pleasantly surprised by what seems to be a drop-in, Ali and Poppa Harrison embrace and exchange pleasantries. We knew he wasn’t there just for a pre-date pep-talk when he suggests they have a seat on the couch. No good conversation begins by someone suggesting you have a seat on the couch. Chris Harrison opens by telling Ali that it’s been brought to the producer’s attention that a contestant on the show has not been truthful. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. Chris goes on to say that he’s personally checked into the story and it’s indeed true. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. Chris then tells Ali that one of the guys has a girlfriend and has been secretly contacting her throughout the entire taping. Cut to Ali’s look of shock and horror. And then he tells her the two-timing man-floozy is none other than R-Rated. Cut to Ali’s look of semi-relief upon hearing its no one good like Sexy Roberto or Cape Cod Chris. After venting about her disappointment, Poppa Harrison informs Ali that he has the phone number for R-Rated’s girlfriend back home in Canada, Jessica. So, the two huddle around what looks to be a rotary dial telephone waiting for Jessica to answer the phone. A good 12 rings later, Jessica and her glorious Canadian accent pick up. Ali cuts to the chase and asks Jessica if R-Rated is her boyfriend. Jessica tells us that she and R-Rated have been shaking their maple leafs together for the past two years. He told Jessica that he only wanted to do the show to further is entertainment wrestling career and just wanted to make it to the top three. For some reason Jessica supported his scheme and even helped him buy suits to wear on the show. A tearful Jessica goes on to say that R-Rated has been calling and texting her, letting her know that when he’s back home the two will get married. Ali has heard all she needs to hear and thanks Jessica for the inside information. She hangs up the phone and tells Chris Harrison she wants to confront R-Rated on his shady shenanigans.
Ali bursts into the guy’s suite and takes a seat almost directly in front of R-Rated. She begins by addressing the group as a whole, saying she knows it’s been a stressful and difficult journey. And then the “oh no she didn’t moment.” She glares R-Rated in the eye and says, “This must be especially hard for you Justin since you have a girlfriend at home. In Canada.” Knowing he’s aboot to get the boot, Justin and his bum leg race out the door, down the stairs, through some shrubbery, and into a parking lot. Ali chases after him and but waits for him to compose himself. He saunters back to where she’s sitting but never gives her more than a shaky apology. After he offers her his wadded up rose back, she tells him he’s free to go and as they show him limping away onto the streets of Istanbul they play some saved voicemails he left on Jessica’s cell phone. Suave.
After that fiasco Ali has a one-on-one date with Tennessee Ty, who does not have a side piece waiting on him in Canada. Ali and Ty go to a Turkish bathhouse where they wrap up in plaid towels and massage each other. The two talk and laugh and kiss until dinner time. During their romantic dinner Ali probes more into the demise of Ty’s first marriage. Ty tells us that he grew up with a stay-at-home mother and father that worked outside the house to bring home the bacon. Apparently things didn’t settle so well with Ty when his first wife still wanted to focus on her career despite becoming Mrs. Tennessee Ty. He tells Ali that he’s changed and matured since his divorce and now knows that “they can become lawyers, and CEOs and doctors.” “They?” I do hope he realizes he’s on a date with of “them.” Somehow Tennessee Ty gets the date rose. I was really hoping Ali was going to press him on is progressive views on feminism. He really should write a book.
Next up was a group date that had the guys olive oil wrestling. I didn’t really care who was on this date as long a Sexy Roberto and his magnificent abs were on display. Each bachelor was paired with a professional Turkish olive oil wrestler and the winners would then wrestle each other. I don’t remember who did all that well because I kept wanting to dip pieces of warm bread into Roberto’s muscle crevices. I’ve had a hankering for Olive Garden ever since. Surprisingly, Lawyer Craig was the event’s champion and he won a one-on-one date with Ali. She took him on a dinner cruise and then to a lookout point where they watched a firework show. The date looked enjoyable enough, but it seems the only sparks flying were the ones in the sky.
The next day Ali takes Frank on another one-on-one. They spend the afternoon shopping at an open market and play dress up in a costume shop. Ali surprises Frank by trying on a noisy, purple belly-dancer number. I wanted to slip into something like that to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday, but that store closes at 5:30 and I don’t get off work til 6. After their Turkish shopping-spree they have dinner on what looks to be a table floating on water. Ali tells Frank that their relationship scares her because she can’t control who she loves and if he’ll love her back. He must’ve convinced her that they’re on the same page because he was awarded the evening’s date rose.
Ali decides to opt out of the next night’s cocktail party. She tells Chris Harrison that her mind is made up and she doesn’t want to put the guys through a party if she already knows who she’s sending home. Despite his efforts in olive oil wrestling, Lawyer Craig did not make this week’s cut. Remaining we have Frank, Sexy Roberto, Cape Cod Chris, Kirk and Tennessee Ty. With five guys left that means one more round tillHome Town Dates!
Next week we learn of yet another secret one of Ali’s suitors has been keeping when she takes the brood to Portugal.
Week 5 "I enjoy Mexican food"
Well, now we know what caused the Icelandic volcano to erupt earlier this year; the Bachelorette visited Iceland. Mother Nature is actually revolting against reality TV dating shows. Thousands of stranded international travelers, you now have Ali to thank.
The week in Iceland began with a one-on-one date with Scrapbook Kirk. Ali took Kirk on a shopping tour around Reykjavik where they bought matching sweaters, toboggans, and pair of conjoined mittens. I bet Kirk was hoping to stumble across a scrapbook store so he could get to work on his Iceland page ASAP. After the shopping spree, the sweatered sweethearts sat down for some coffee talk. Kirk opened up to Ali about his dating history and we learn that he’s never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than a year. Ali finds this fact a little worrisome and wonders if he’s ready to be in something as long-term as “til death do you part.” Kirk also tells Ali about some medical issues he dealt with while in college. Apparently co-ed Kirk lived in a condemned shantytown where the walls were made completely of black mold and asbestos and he had to shower with sewer water. University housing has really improved! Ali’s expression during this conversation conveyed one of panic as she must’ve been wondering about the condition of his current living situation. Comforted by the fact that being the Bachelorette will earn her a hefty sum off appearances and interviews and she’ll be able to afford a sanitary living space, Ali awarded Kirk the date rose and then offered him a squirt of Purell.
The next day Ali organized a group date where she took the guys horseback riding through the snow. As the date’s resident cowboy, this was Tennessee Ty’s time to shine. From adjusting saddles to hoisting people onto their horses, Ty was like effin’ John Wayne blazing the Icelandic tundras. After an afternoon of horse play, the group settled in for a night of hot tubbing. Ty was the first to be pulled away for some alone time with Ali. Ty confesses that he’s starting to have strong feelings for Ali and as she compliments his horseback riding skills, he leans in for a hot and steamy kiss. Ride a cowboy indeed! Ali also gets alone time with Frank, Sexy Roberto, and Cape Cod Chris. And by alone time, I mean make-out sessions.
Meanwhile, back at the Boy Scout meeting, a date card arrives for R-Rated and Kreepy Kasey. Both gentlemen have been invited to join Ali for the season’s first two-on-one date. Let the scheming commence! R-Rated’s first mission was to get his cast off before the date. Note to self, if I should ever need an emergency cast removal, get thee to Iceland. That Icelandic doctor didn’t ask a single question or even gather R-Rated’s medical history. He just fired up that chainsaw-like instrument and started cutting. Once his massive entertainment wresting leg was free, R-Rated dumped his crutches in the trashcan and went back to the hotel to slick back his hair before the evening’s date. Kasey’s tactic for the date remained unchanged; continue to be your creepy self and show Ali the rose tattoo. Ali picks her dates up in a helicopter where they fly over Eyjafjallajökull, the lava-spewing volcano. From there, they land on a giant glacier where they dine on strawberries and champagne and sit on ice sculptures. During her alone time with Kasey, she asks him if he thought about what she said on their last date about the genuineness of his gestures. And with that Kreeps pulls up his shirtsleeve and shows Ali the tattoo. Stunned and silently already deciding to send him packing, Ali tells Kasey she is glad he found this apparent tattoo-worthy experience so profound. Ultimately and unshockingly, she gives R-Rated the date rose and leaves Kasey alone on the glacier with his rose tattoo. Because Kasey was such an integral and interesting aspect to the show, especially his songs, here is a little ditty I’d like to dedicate to Kreeps.
(Sung in the key of ‘off.’)
You just wanted to guard and protect her heart from all the other dudes
But you kept singing creepy songs and then got a rose tattoo.
Now she’s left you on a glacier in the middle Iceland
As she flies away in a helicopter into the arms of another man.
The next night is the rose ceremony and we finally get some alone time with the strangely elusive Chris N. Last post I predicted that this would be the week Chris N. would come out of his shell and sweep Ali off her feet. Would you mind passing the salt and pepper, I must eat my words. Trying to find his personality pulse, Ali asks Chris what is guiltiest pleasure would be. After moments of silence, Chris responds by saying, “Mexican food.” Needless to say this burrito-loving bachelor did not receive a rose. During his ride on the reject limo, Chris tells us he’s “at a loss for words.” Never a truer statement has been uttered in the history of “The Bachelor” franchise.
Next week we will learn with of the remaining suitors has a girlfriend and who Ali is dramatically chasing down that winding staircase.
The week in Iceland began with a one-on-one date with Scrapbook Kirk. Ali took Kirk on a shopping tour around Reykjavik where they bought matching sweaters, toboggans, and pair of conjoined mittens. I bet Kirk was hoping to stumble across a scrapbook store so he could get to work on his Iceland page ASAP. After the shopping spree, the sweatered sweethearts sat down for some coffee talk. Kirk opened up to Ali about his dating history and we learn that he’s never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than a year. Ali finds this fact a little worrisome and wonders if he’s ready to be in something as long-term as “til death do you part.” Kirk also tells Ali about some medical issues he dealt with while in college. Apparently co-ed Kirk lived in a condemned shantytown where the walls were made completely of black mold and asbestos and he had to shower with sewer water. University housing has really improved! Ali’s expression during this conversation conveyed one of panic as she must’ve been wondering about the condition of his current living situation. Comforted by the fact that being the Bachelorette will earn her a hefty sum off appearances and interviews and she’ll be able to afford a sanitary living space, Ali awarded Kirk the date rose and then offered him a squirt of Purell.
The next day Ali organized a group date where she took the guys horseback riding through the snow. As the date’s resident cowboy, this was Tennessee Ty’s time to shine. From adjusting saddles to hoisting people onto their horses, Ty was like effin’ John Wayne blazing the Icelandic tundras. After an afternoon of horse play, the group settled in for a night of hot tubbing. Ty was the first to be pulled away for some alone time with Ali. Ty confesses that he’s starting to have strong feelings for Ali and as she compliments his horseback riding skills, he leans in for a hot and steamy kiss. Ride a cowboy indeed! Ali also gets alone time with Frank, Sexy Roberto, and Cape Cod Chris. And by alone time, I mean make-out sessions.
Meanwhile, back at the Boy Scout meeting, a date card arrives for R-Rated and Kreepy Kasey. Both gentlemen have been invited to join Ali for the season’s first two-on-one date. Let the scheming commence! R-Rated’s first mission was to get his cast off before the date. Note to self, if I should ever need an emergency cast removal, get thee to Iceland. That Icelandic doctor didn’t ask a single question or even gather R-Rated’s medical history. He just fired up that chainsaw-like instrument and started cutting. Once his massive entertainment wresting leg was free, R-Rated dumped his crutches in the trashcan and went back to the hotel to slick back his hair before the evening’s date. Kasey’s tactic for the date remained unchanged; continue to be your creepy self and show Ali the rose tattoo. Ali picks her dates up in a helicopter where they fly over Eyjafjallajökull, the lava-spewing volcano. From there, they land on a giant glacier where they dine on strawberries and champagne and sit on ice sculptures. During her alone time with Kasey, she asks him if he thought about what she said on their last date about the genuineness of his gestures. And with that Kreeps pulls up his shirtsleeve and shows Ali the tattoo. Stunned and silently already deciding to send him packing, Ali tells Kasey she is glad he found this apparent tattoo-worthy experience so profound. Ultimately and unshockingly, she gives R-Rated the date rose and leaves Kasey alone on the glacier with his rose tattoo. Because Kasey was such an integral and interesting aspect to the show, especially his songs, here is a little ditty I’d like to dedicate to Kreeps.
(Sung in the key of ‘off.’)
You just wanted to guard and protect her heart from all the other dudes
But you kept singing creepy songs and then got a rose tattoo.
Now she’s left you on a glacier in the middle Iceland
As she flies away in a helicopter into the arms of another man.
The next night is the rose ceremony and we finally get some alone time with the strangely elusive Chris N. Last post I predicted that this would be the week Chris N. would come out of his shell and sweep Ali off her feet. Would you mind passing the salt and pepper, I must eat my words. Trying to find his personality pulse, Ali asks Chris what is guiltiest pleasure would be. After moments of silence, Chris responds by saying, “Mexican food.” Needless to say this burrito-loving bachelor did not receive a rose. During his ride on the reject limo, Chris tells us he’s “at a loss for words.” Never a truer statement has been uttered in the history of “The Bachelor” franchise.
Next week we will learn with of the remaining suitors has a girlfriend and who Ali is dramatically chasing down that winding staircase.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Week 4: "To guard and protect your heart"
This week the bachelorette and her brood of dudes left the sunny shores of California to take a bite out of the Big Apple. But biting wasn’t the only thing going on in the city that never sleeps. There was also lots kissing, cuddling, dancing, and tattooing. Naturally.
First up on the NYC itinerary is a one-on-one date with Kreepy Kasey. This is Kreep’s first visit to New York so Ali wants to make sure he sees one of the city’s most famous attractions, the Natural History Museum. Personally, I think she should’ve taken him to Rikers Island because I’m pretty sure he has a body parts nailed to his floorboards. But I’ve never been on a date in New York, so I guess the Natural History Museum is a better choice. The museum is open just for Ali and Kasey and the pair runs around like school children on a second grade field trip pretending the dinosaur bones are going to come to life and the stuffed monkeys are going to eat them. Like I said, I’ve never dated in New York City, so maybe that’s a hip thing to do on dates; run around like children and scream like monkeys. That certainly explains why Carrie Bradshaw was single for so long. Those crazy “Sex and the City” broads wasted too much time going to trendy clubs! A one-on-one date wouldn’t be complete without a pile of pillows to lounge on and glasses of champagne to sip. So, as Ali and Kreepy Kasey cozy in for some chit-chat, Kreeps starts to serenade his date with an original song. Kasey doesn’t exactly have the talking voice of an angel so his singing made nails on a chalkboard seem positively melodic. I kept waiting for “American Idol’s” Randy Jackson to jump out from behind the scenes and yell, “You’re a little pitchy, dawg.” As if the singing didn’t win Ali’s heart, Kreeps decides to profess his love for her after a mere four weeks. Afraid that Kasey isn’t being 100% sincere, Ali is hesitant about giving him the date rose but isn’t quite ready to send him back to the loony-bin. So, Kasey gets a stay of execution and chance to prove his genuineness.
The next night Ali takes the boys to Broadway for a chance to perform on the Great White Way. The guys competed against one another for a spot in “The Lion King.” I must say, Man Cub Jesse has a set of pipes on him! Who knew people from Montana sang so well! But Sexy Roberto had the wherewithal to actually sing to Ali, so he was chosen to make his Broadway debut alongside our Bachelorette. The debut, which involved leotards and wire cables, occurred during the musical’s final number. The two were suspended in the air and turned tricks as they hovered above the audience. Again, I’ve never dated in New York…
The next day was Cape Cod Chris’ birthday which automatically earned him a one-on-one date. Well-played, birthday boy! Unfortunately, Ali wasn’t feeling well and decided they would just hang out in her suite instead of going on the date she had planned in the city. Like the sweetheart that Cape Cod is proving to be, he brings our beleaguered bachelorette some chicken noodle soup and a bouquet of flowers. After a few hours of lounging in Ali’s deathbed, she decides to rally for his birthday and the two hit the town for dinner. She surprises the birthday boy with a lobster feast and a phone call home to the Cape so he can talk to his father. After dinner, Ali and Chris head up to the roof for a private performance by a guy I had never head of and while they slow danced in the moonlight, she offered him the date rose and a goodnight kiss.
Meanwhile, over on Brokeback Mountain, Kreepy Kasey has been MIA. Was he off taking voice lessons? On a killing spree? Shopping at H&M? If you guessed getting a rose tattoo on his wrist, you are correct! Kreeps returned with a bandage on his wrist and tall-tale about getting a second degree burn. R-Rated’s mom obviously didn’t raise no fool, because he questioned the story the minute Kasey walked in the door. At that night’s cocktail party Kreeps decided to come clean with his whereabouts and shows the other guys his new tat – a rose protected by a shield. Ed Hardy eat your bedazzled heart out. Lawyer Craig earned the quote of the night when he told Kreeps, “You’re going to be remembered as the guy from the Bachelorette that got a tattoo.” Hey, we all need to make a name for ourselves…
Tensions were high during the evening’s rose ceremony. The Weatherman was especially worried about his fate as he didn’t get much time alone with Ali this week. Frank was also fretting about getting rose as he feared their initial connection was starting to wane. Sexy and Cape Cod were both safe as they had received date roses. Scrapbook Kirk, Tennessee Ty, Lawyer Craig, R-Rated, Frank, and Chris N. all made it safely to next week. And so we say a tearful good bye to Man Cub Jesse and The Weatherman. Now, we have yet to hear a peep from this Chris N. character. He’s so mysterious! I wonder what the N stands for? I don’t even have a nickname for him. Were all his scenes left on the cutting room floor? Is he the dark horse of the season? I have a feeling that he may be soon become a forerunner and ABC has been playing mind tricks, distracting us with crutches, and tattoos and weathermen. Chis N. is obviously where it’s at.
First up on the NYC itinerary is a one-on-one date with Kreepy Kasey. This is Kreep’s first visit to New York so Ali wants to make sure he sees one of the city’s most famous attractions, the Natural History Museum. Personally, I think she should’ve taken him to Rikers Island because I’m pretty sure he has a body parts nailed to his floorboards. But I’ve never been on a date in New York, so I guess the Natural History Museum is a better choice. The museum is open just for Ali and Kasey and the pair runs around like school children on a second grade field trip pretending the dinosaur bones are going to come to life and the stuffed monkeys are going to eat them. Like I said, I’ve never dated in New York City, so maybe that’s a hip thing to do on dates; run around like children and scream like monkeys. That certainly explains why Carrie Bradshaw was single for so long. Those crazy “Sex and the City” broads wasted too much time going to trendy clubs! A one-on-one date wouldn’t be complete without a pile of pillows to lounge on and glasses of champagne to sip. So, as Ali and Kreepy Kasey cozy in for some chit-chat, Kreeps starts to serenade his date with an original song. Kasey doesn’t exactly have the talking voice of an angel so his singing made nails on a chalkboard seem positively melodic. I kept waiting for “American Idol’s” Randy Jackson to jump out from behind the scenes and yell, “You’re a little pitchy, dawg.” As if the singing didn’t win Ali’s heart, Kreeps decides to profess his love for her after a mere four weeks. Afraid that Kasey isn’t being 100% sincere, Ali is hesitant about giving him the date rose but isn’t quite ready to send him back to the loony-bin. So, Kasey gets a stay of execution and chance to prove his genuineness.
The next night Ali takes the boys to Broadway for a chance to perform on the Great White Way. The guys competed against one another for a spot in “The Lion King.” I must say, Man Cub Jesse has a set of pipes on him! Who knew people from Montana sang so well! But Sexy Roberto had the wherewithal to actually sing to Ali, so he was chosen to make his Broadway debut alongside our Bachelorette. The debut, which involved leotards and wire cables, occurred during the musical’s final number. The two were suspended in the air and turned tricks as they hovered above the audience. Again, I’ve never dated in New York…
The next day was Cape Cod Chris’ birthday which automatically earned him a one-on-one date. Well-played, birthday boy! Unfortunately, Ali wasn’t feeling well and decided they would just hang out in her suite instead of going on the date she had planned in the city. Like the sweetheart that Cape Cod is proving to be, he brings our beleaguered bachelorette some chicken noodle soup and a bouquet of flowers. After a few hours of lounging in Ali’s deathbed, she decides to rally for his birthday and the two hit the town for dinner. She surprises the birthday boy with a lobster feast and a phone call home to the Cape so he can talk to his father. After dinner, Ali and Chris head up to the roof for a private performance by a guy I had never head of and while they slow danced in the moonlight, she offered him the date rose and a goodnight kiss.
Meanwhile, over on Brokeback Mountain, Kreepy Kasey has been MIA. Was he off taking voice lessons? On a killing spree? Shopping at H&M? If you guessed getting a rose tattoo on his wrist, you are correct! Kreeps returned with a bandage on his wrist and tall-tale about getting a second degree burn. R-Rated’s mom obviously didn’t raise no fool, because he questioned the story the minute Kasey walked in the door. At that night’s cocktail party Kreeps decided to come clean with his whereabouts and shows the other guys his new tat – a rose protected by a shield. Ed Hardy eat your bedazzled heart out. Lawyer Craig earned the quote of the night when he told Kreeps, “You’re going to be remembered as the guy from the Bachelorette that got a tattoo.” Hey, we all need to make a name for ourselves…
Tensions were high during the evening’s rose ceremony. The Weatherman was especially worried about his fate as he didn’t get much time alone with Ali this week. Frank was also fretting about getting rose as he feared their initial connection was starting to wane. Sexy and Cape Cod were both safe as they had received date roses. Scrapbook Kirk, Tennessee Ty, Lawyer Craig, R-Rated, Frank, and Chris N. all made it safely to next week. And so we say a tearful good bye to Man Cub Jesse and The Weatherman. Now, we have yet to hear a peep from this Chris N. character. He’s so mysterious! I wonder what the N stands for? I don’t even have a nickname for him. Were all his scenes left on the cutting room floor? Is he the dark horse of the season? I have a feeling that he may be soon become a forerunner and ABC has been playing mind tricks, distracting us with crutches, and tattoos and weathermen. Chis N. is obviously where it’s at.
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